Getting Out Of An Extremely Complicated Situation

I started going out with this guy that I really liked, that really liked me back, in December. We went out for about a month, until he broke up with me, mostly due to the fact that he was developing crushes on some of the girls he'd befriended through me. One of those girls was one of my closest friends, and he said he liked her the most.

The next day, I was at a party with that close friend and apparently they had been texting all day, even flirting. She liked him back. She said she felt horrible about it and wouldn't pursue him without my blessing. Reluctantly, I assured her there would be no hard feelings and even encouraged her to go out with him. I secretly was feeling extremely betrayed and hurt about the whole situation, but didn't express it.

About a week later, I started going out with a girl. I decided it was time to stop sulking and wishing I was still with him. Meanwhile, the friend I mentioned and my ex-boyfriend were still flirting and even went out on a date, but never officially went out. He opened up to me [after we patched things up and decided to remain friends] about liking another girl at his school and kind of having a thing with her. He said he couldn't decide which one he wanted.

So a week later, we get a really bad ice storm here. Arkansas was supposedly in a 'state of emergency'. Things were terrible. We even missed school for a week. Out of nowhere, he texted me one night and asked if he could spend the night at my house. My heart sunk when I read it, and I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry, throw up, or both. But...I said yes. I knew what this meant; we'd probably end up having sex or something, causing me to cheat on my girlfriend, and in a way, him to betray that best friend of mine that he liked so much, that liked him back.

Well, guess what? He ended up staying three nights, and we had sex every single one of them. We decided to be 'friends with benefits' to "fulfill our physical needs" and not to tell a soul. The third night, I started to kiss him, but he practically glued his lips shut. He said he wanted to skip the kissing part because it was too emotional. I thought this was very strange. The previous two nights we kissed a lot and he was really into it. And kissing doesn't necessarily have to be emotional. I mean, even in porn, those people never have any sort of emotional attachment or commitment to each other, but they kiss. It just goes with sex. It doesn't feel right without it. Anyway, it wasn't until yesterday that I realized the real reason why he didn't want to kiss. Earlier that day, we hung out with the best friend of mine that he likes [or so he says] and I found out that they kissed at some point in the day. He obviously felt really guilty, having just kissed her a few hours prior. We had sex anyway though, no kissing. And it felt really wrong.

That was last weekend. I've gone to school this week, holding my girlfriend's hand, and pretending like nothing is wrong. My BFF knows about this, and thinks I should tell the best friend. But that's going to destroy everything. This guy is the only thing going right in her life right now. Seriously. Her mother is terminally ill, her dad is douchebag, people are mean to her at school. Her life sucks. She says she loves this guy and he says he loves her. She's really falling for him. Not to mention...she'll probably be mad at me for doing this.

I'm not even factoring my girlfriend into this equation. Honestly, she isn't even close to important in this situation. Telling her about all of this is the last thing on my mind. We're not very close and this really doesn't even concern her.

The best friend is the most important aspect of this whole situation. I could tell her what happened with he and I and about that other girl at his school, destroying any chance of her having something with him, and potentially destroying my friendship with her, although I think she could forgive me. Or I could keep this a secret. I could watch them continue to have their thing, knowing that he's going behind her back with me [assuming I don't stop having sex with him] and that girl at his school.

I'm at a loss. Never before have I been in a situation where I don't have a clue what to do. I've dug myself a deep hole that I don't know how to get out of. I see all the different ways, but they're all so complicated.

I know I'm guilty. I know I'm not the most guilty party here; that definitely goes to my ex-boyfriend. But I've still some bad things.

If you've read all of this, thank you. And if you respond, that's a double thank you.

 

Yeah, he'll throw the blame on me. That's another thing. As selfish as it is, another thing that's going to be destroyed is this friendship I've rebuilt with him, no matter how destructive it may already be. I still want him so much. And I guess I'm telling myself having this is better than not having him at all, even if it betrays my girlfriend and best friend.