How do become mean and nasty ?

First off. You should be proud of your self for being bigger than your parents. Despite the fact that i am 10 years younger than you, I often find myself in the same predicament.

However, I dont think you should totally turn down the therapy. (As long as it is legit. Just make sure it isnt some try to change your sexuality thing). After talking to a therapist about my problems I realized that many of my issues were not my issues, but those of my parents that were unfairly projected on me. If they are willing to pay for the therapy, I would say go. And in addition, you should insist that they must match you in some sort of therapy, maybe even family therapy.

 

I could give you a very long and detailed explanation about how I became a cold, heartless, destructive asshole, but I don't think that's what you need right now.

 

Yes! That is an amazing thing, way to many people try to reduce themselves to be equal with the lowest common denominator, too few try and raise themselves to match those who have gotten something right.
Do not try and become mean and nasty, that is not a good solution to anything.
Since the therapist is for your sexuality, I would not continue that at all.
I would try and keep/make your relationship with your parents a good one, but remember that relationships are two way streets, your parents will have to meet you half way, the best you can do is wait for them there.
You could always point out that adoption is always a perfectly good solution to the lack of children...

Good luck, I hope you make the right decision for yourself, not for someone else...

 

If you are self sufficient and you live on your own, then it's time for you to say S my D. You are an independent being and you are by no means obligated to bow to their will anymore. Next time they say something about it to you, be like I'm sorry you feel that way but I owe you zilch. You earn your keep in my life and right now you're booking yourselves one way tickets out the door.

 

Realistically, you don't need to get mean and condescending and nasty, and even if you did, it wouldn't work. You can't outmean someone that's got a lot of practice.

What you can do, and what you need to do, is have a serious conversation about this with them. We're the same age, which means you're out on your own living your own life, paying your own bills, and making your own way through the Universe. That also means that you're at a point where you sometimes have to make hard choices and protect your own well-being.

You need to communicate to them in no uncertain terms that if they keep pushing this ex-gay crap on you and if they can't accept you for WHO YOU ARE, then you will be forced to shut them out of your life. And mean it. You can't let them destroy you.

Good luck!

 

dont go and be mean and nasty.. just keep on ignoring them. and when they need help go help them. and when they are in trouble go help them out.

 

I think you can be absolutely firm with them without being mean and nasty. When they say they want you in that ex-gay therapy say something like "You may believe that works, but I don't." In fact, all major psychological, psychiatric, and medical organizations believe it is detrimental to mental health and then walk away.

 

Your parents are SO unhappy with their own existence that they need to find fault with everyone elses so they don't spend time looking at their own pitiful lives. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, nor should you change. There's no need.

And there's certainly no need to be mean and nasty. But you should live on your terms, and set boundries that you are comfortable with. Set boundries with your parents. Tell them in no-uncertain-terms that you are not interested in discussing your orientation with them. If that topic is brought up, the conversation will come to an immediate end.

And stick to it. It's no different than disciplining children. If they choose to go there, then the conversation stops. You hang up. Eventually they'll stop calling, or stop bringing it up.

Thankfully my parents have been VERY supportive. Oddly enough, my (ex) wife's mother hasn't been supportive of her daughter at all! She became even more critical and controlling when we split. So, sadly, my wife has all but cut off ties with her. She spends (MUCH!) more time with my parents than she does with her own mother. That is her mother's loss.

Good luck! Keep us posted. I'd be interested in knowing how they react.

 

I think all of us, no matter how much we may logically want to say it doesn't matter, really care what our parents think. They were the first people we looked up to, respected and sought approval from. So we all want our parents' acceptance. What's sad is when parents don't recognize the unique opportunity they have to help support their kids and build their self esteem.

As others have said, the fact that you "can't hate them back" is a testament to your strength of character.

 

All our lives until the day we die we seach for approval and approbation from our parents, this is the child within, the one who wanted to please mummy so that she would smile at you our give you a hug.

The child within will always be there, what you have to do is understand what you are feeling and why which will empower you to deal with your parents. When your parents hurt you tell them, when they critisize you ignore their mean comments, you know the truth about yourself, you know if you are a good person or not.

If you feel good about yourself the mean comments from your parents won't hurt quite so much. You are the man that you are, you cannot change to please them or anyone else. If they can't love and accept you for who you are then that is there loss, yours as well of course but that is beyond your control.

In your shoes I would change therapists and try to come to terms with yourself and your parents problems and not try to change your sexuality... you might just as well try to convince yourself that you are a giraffe... you are not and you never will be so stop trying!

 

Well,
I think its natural of you not to hate your parents. I can understand why your mom and dad may be the way they are but personally I don't think they hate you even if they said they did. Thing is homosexuality in a son, and your their only boy child right? Its very hard for older folks to accept more thananything.
I can also tell u why I know they don't hate u. Because if they did hate you they would not be ringing and mailing u up to go to straight people therapy.
So, yea.

I just think u should tell them your who you are. Your old enough, and while I am not sending you to disrespect your parents, I am telling you to assert yourself to them. Make them. The most they can do is accept it or throw u out their house .....but even thats bad but....
everything happens for a reason. Its all your choice really. Whether your going to choose the acceptance of your family, or acceptance of yourself.