Well. I'm saying this because I need to get it out. And I've been saying it online for almost a year now, and I need to say it to someone new. I don't even know how to start this, so I guess I'll start with me. I'm 13 years old, I'm in eighth grade. I am in the band, and I'm an athlete. I'm also a straight A student. I have a steady friend group, at the beginning of middle school I was pretty weird, but in seventh grade I found my place as a gossip in the school, I know everything about everyone. I'm popular, but not too popular, but everyone knows my name and etc. My best friends, fake names for privacy: Ava- She's the one that I have feelings for. I guess we'll get back to her obviously, but she's pretty much one of the most popular girls in school. We're pretty good friends, I love her :help: so much Danielle- She's probably my best friend, I trust her a ton and she's truly an amazing friend Sarah- She's great, one of my closest friends, but I don't trust her the way I trust Danielle Skylar- We go to camp together, but she's pretty sassy and has been annoying both Ava and I lately. She's pretty jappy and very judgmental. So those are my best friends Now to Ava. Ava Flynn. Sigh. I met her on December 6th 2014 during basketball tryouts. We both made the team but she wasn't able to play do to another commitment. That summer I was at my beach house with a few friends and we were talking about new classes and someone said, oh Ava's in that class. I was like cool, whatever, it didn't matter too much then. Ava ran one of the biggest cliques at our school, she was so cool, so- I don't know, it's like people we're afraid of her judging them. But once I got to know her, she wasn't like that at all. She is such a sweet person, but she can be so hot & cold sometimes. We first started becoming friends through schoolwork, she's so :***: smart so it was just easy to work with her, it all just came naturally to me. Slowly we became friends outside of school and it was on March 18th that I knew I wanted to be her best friend, because she was one of the coolest people I've ever met. I just wanted to be that person she confided in, who she hugged everyday after school, etc. etc. In March Danielle and I got into a fight over some things she said about Ava. I took Av's side in basically everything, and no matter who said it, if anyone talked :***: about her I'd tell her. By the end of the year we were pretty close, and that's when I started to think of her in a different way. Any small thing she did like say Love you in text, or whatever, I just got this feeling about it, and I don't really know how to explain it That was then Now it's clear to me that I like her way more than just as a friend. I know I'm really young. And I know it doesn't make sense, I don't get it either. But I'm in love with her. I love the way she laughs. The way she smiles. The way speaks. I love that I can trust her with anything- except I'm :***: scared I can trust her with everything except the biggest thing in my life so far, knowing that I'm not straight. As a kid I was always such a tomb-boy and I grew out of it. But I could never shake the feeling about being gay, and being different. And it's just like, I know that I am bi-sexual. Or Lesbian. Or not straight, because I love her more than I love any guy or even my siblings at this point. I would walk through fire for this girl, I honestly with all my heart care about her and what happens to her in her life. And I feel like if I told her i was gay, then she'd ask how do you know. Ya know what I mean? Like who did you have feelings for that you know. And I just don't want to ruin our friendship, but I can't just stop having these feelings for her, I just can't stop loving her, or caring about her. :bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::bang: I just need to say the truth to someone, I can't keep it in anymore
Hi there Your story sounds like me when I was about 15. (Gosh that was 7 years ago!...) I fell in love with my best friend. Probably would have posted almost the exact same sort of feelings that you did. My story has a happy & sad ending though. I was friends with this girl for a year or so before I realized I actually loved her as more than a friend. Would text her "I love ya like a sister" or things like that. Started thinking about how I wish I could hold her in my arms and care for her. (at this point I was battling the homophobia internally). There was never a time I told my friend I was gay though, because I hadn't accepted that myself. Instead our friendship started to cross lines and morphed into more than friends without us knowing it. During sleep overs I'd always sleep next to her and on nights we were alone I'd move so I was against her. Then one of those nights I kissed her. We fought/denied the feelings for probably a year, denying that we were both bi/les whatever. When I graduated HS, we officially started dating. And those first two years of dating/relationship was amazing. The sad part of my story is we are no longer together. It was a 4 year long distance relationship. But it ended just because as you grow older and go to college people change and we both changed and long distance was hard etc. Now I have another falling for your best friend story too. That didn't turn out in a relationship. That friend was straight and although I felt like she might have loved me or had feelings for me, I guess she didn't because she broke my heart. However, when I told her I was gay she took it amazing! And then when I told her I had feelings for her, she took it great! And was totally ok with it, but seeing that I was in a committed relationship at the time, she knew I wasn't going to act on those feelings. It was only after my break up and after she toyed with my heart that she broke my heart. That goes to say that falling for your best friend and telling them can turn out great or not so great. It really all depends on you and your friend. You have to know the person well enough and feel out the waters. Or you just have to go all in a hope that things turn out ok. The other option is to just wait it out, keep that amazing friendship you have, and just see what happens. You're young, you have time. Of course you can come out to her without telling her that you have feelings for her. You don't have to have feeling for someone to be les/bi, so if she asks for a name or something don't feel like you have to tell her. Not that I think she would ask that anyways. When someone asks you why? or how do you know? that can be a hard question. When I was 20 and asked that I didn't have a good answer. To quote Cameron Esposito "Oh you just feel it in your bones and every part of your body? Yeah it's like that" In the end you have to do whatever you feel comfortable with and are ready for
