Hi there, I am currently getting to terms with my sexual orientation, but there are many things that make me feel very uncomfortable and confused, I hope that is normal. :icon_sad: One of the things that I am seriously concerned about is how outing affects your work life. How do co-workers, bosses etc. react? Or would it be better to stay in the closet for the sake of my career? :dry: I am asking as I will start out as a PhD student this year and I will most likely have a female supervisor... x Love, M
Being uncomfortable and confused is normal. We've all gone thru it. And I've found that its still a battle even after you get over the first huge hill of accepting yourself. I personally have kept it to myself in work life. But that's because I fear what would happen. And the other thing to keep in mind is what laws are there protecting you or not protecting you etc. I'm curious what others have to say on this too, cuz I've asked myself the same questions. (I'm a PhD student too in Aerospace Engineering Yay! - btw take some time off before you start, you're gonna want it)
The answer is, as with so many other things: it depends. Some employers are more accepting and open than others. It’s really hard to gauge it until you’ve actually worked there for a while. Personally, I’m not crazy about the idea of coming out at work. I don’t particularly appreciate having to listen to co-workers jabber on about their romantic life, so why would I want to join in? I like the idea of having some healthy boundaries between work life and personal life. Of course, one could argue that by not coming out at work you’re reinforcing an internal sense of shame about yourself and your orientation – that you need to “tell the world” in order to truly be happy with who you are. There may be some merit to that argument. However, I think the only person that decides when you’re happy and when you’re not happy is you. If you can be happy with who you are without the need to tell everyone at work about it (which is certainly my case), then I see no reason to disclose. That said, if someone at work were to explicitly ask me: “Are you gay?” I wouldn’t lie. It’s just not something I see a need to broadcast.
Frogger135: Yeah, I think there a quite a few people who stay in the closet because of the consequences of a coming out. It was already hard enough to tell my family, I probably won't tell my friends. Aerospace engineering? :eusa_clap Wow, that's cool! I'm a physicist :icon_wink It's almost impossible to find another non-straight female natural scientist... Cort: Thanks for your reply! The thing is that I will join a pretty small working group, so people know each other pretty well and discussions concerning each other's private life are completely normal. Given hat there are not that many women in physics most male co-workers want to know whether I'm seeing someone or not. Until now I have not been brave enough to say that I prefer seeing women right now, not men. :icon_sad:
I guess I was lucky in my workplace in that a few people at my work already knew me and knew I was gay so word kind of quietly spread. A few coworkers not in the know have asked me if I'm gay and I say I am. I don't really go out of my way to advertise my sexuality but if people ask I'll answer honestly. My bosses and supervisors don't care because I tend to not bring it up unless it's pertinent to the conversation. One of my supervisors I get along with very well has a gay son, so we've kind of bonded over that as well. Other than that, I've never encountered homophobia or harassment because of my sexuality, so really, it's not an issue.
I totally get the being surrounded by male co-workers. That's my life. Although none have ever taken an interest in if I'm single or not, probably because it's obvious I'm completely not interested or obvious that I'm les. I think I agree with guitar and Cort. Basically I wouldn't make it a big deal but if it comes up then it comes up and don't lie. I think that's probably what I'd do. Or I'd probably just end up being really silent cuz I'm not quite comfortable talking yet. Yay physics! My undergrad was both AE & Physics. So it's not completely impossible to find a non-straight female in natural sciences, cuz ya just found one!
It depends on your boss. I was fired for being gay after I came out the first time back in 2009. I am not out today, but if I were to come out again, after that incident, I would be extremely careful about it. Also, take a look at your local laws regarding sexual orientation. Some places allow employers the right to fire their employees over it and others prohibit it. I think the bottom line is how your boss is towards homosexuality.
I've been anywhere from pretty out to totally out at most of my workplaces. In the last 20yrs I've worked at 3 Fortune 500 companies and was never reticent about talking about my partner (now husband). At the first one and my current employer he was/is on my benefits. At the second and current one, he met my boss and co-workers, including sometimes joining us for lunch. When I got married, my boss sent us an Edible Arrangements to the house and she and I and the other members of my team routinely talk about what we're up to with our spouses and families. Major corporations (at least in the US) generally have non-discrimination policies that include sexual orientation. Smaller businesses can be iffier and government jobs may depend a lot on who's in power that year. With all of them, I think the best policy is to use your best judgement and what you are comfortable with. Todd
