I am unsure of whether or not I am on the correct site. I have thought for a while now that I may be asexual or at the very least demisexual. My sexual desire is very low and always has been. No interest in relationships and I don't react to what my friends consider "sexy". But I'm not sure if my desire could be geared toward males or females--at this point it could be either. Is something like this even worth coming out about? Thank you for your time.
I've seen quite a few people on here with asexual/gray a/demisexual as their orientation, so you could say you're on the right site And it really depends. Is being in the closet about it bothering you? How would the people you want to come out to react?
I guess it doesn't bother me much that people don't know, since it's something I view as being private. At the same time, people assume that I'm perfectly straight and will some day have a girlfriend, and that bothers me a little. I've always thought of myself as "straight, but little to no sexual desire", but that doesn't make much sense. The problem is that I've never associated myself with the LGBT community at all, but now I'm thinking maybe I do have a reason to associate myself with it (I have no problem with it or anything, I just haven't had much exposure to it). This is why for now I believe "Questioning" is the most accurate label for me.
There is the term "LGBTQIAP+" which also covers asexual people, but I think we all have similar problems... I think it is important to find out whether you can relate to some of the problems discussed here?
It's possible that I won't be able to relate to some, because of the fact that I've kept it hidden and haven't therefore been able to experience any homophobia or parental rejection. At the same time, I've always felt "different" in this regard and I understand that aspect of it perfectly well.
Hmm, there are also homo- and bisexual people who do not come out, for different reasons. You ask whether it is "worth coming out": Are you overall happy with the way things are going? Because I start feeling this urge to tell at least my closest friends.
I would like to let my parents and closest friends know. It's not because I think they would think much of it (neither of them would judge me, I am certain), but it's because they think I'm straight and the fact that I haven't had a girlfriend is due only to shyness and lack of social skills. I'd like to let them know the real reason.
It's rare, but I've heard it. Or they assure me "you'll find somebody some day" in a kind of pitying manner. I wish I could give them more information; so far I haven't been able to get up the nerve to do it.
The really important question here is... are you happy where you are? The overwhelming majority of people who don't feel strong sexual attraction to anyone aren't asexual by the widely-accepted definition; by that definition, it's a hardwired and unchangeable sexual orientation, and for most who experience it, the situation isn't hardwired, but is a byproduct of other factors (psychological issues, depression, anxiety, or medication are some of the most common.) So if you aren't happy with not feeling attraction or connection... then I would respectfully suggest that before you adopt that label (which basically acknowledges that this is who you are), you consider exploring what might be getting in the way of feeling those feelings. If you are among the majority of people who don't feel a lot of sexual connection, then it is something that you could explore, work on and address if that is something that appeals to you. Assuming that's the case, it probably makes more sense to do that self-exploration first before describing yourself to others as asexual since you would then, later, have to "come out" again. But honestly, what's most important here is what makes you happy.
Maybe you can bring it up when they seriously start talking about that topic again? But apparently you currently identify as Questioning. Maybe you could talk to some people who identify as asxual to find out whether "that is you"? I went to a therapist because there was a time when I was extremely confused about my orientation.
@Chip I understand. To give myself that label and then later have to recant it would be a pretty large burden. And I certainly don't want to rush into things. My lack of sexual attraction could just mean that I'm still straight or bi, but with a very low sexual desire. Since I've never been in a relationship before, I can't say that I'm demisexual, but I've often thought this is more likely than asexuality. @MollyM It would probably do me good to meet someone else who is, yeah. Thus far, I haven't. That might at least allow me to see if the label is accurate for me.
"straight but no sexual attraction" If you are indeed asexual, this can make complete sense. You may have a romantic crush/liking for someone, but not a sexual one. Asexual doesn't mean that you don't have a desire to date someone or have a romantic relationship, that's aromantic, asexual means that you don't have any sexual attraction towards anyone.
The way I see it, if being here helps you, then by all means, be here! If, however, you're looking for other options, you could try the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) forums. I can't tell you that much about the site, though, aside from the fact that a friend of mine used to be active there and it seemed to benefit her.
@FoxEars Thanks for clearing that up. I'm fairly certain that I'm not aromantic. But I'm thinking that sexual desire and gender might not have as much to do with my romantic orientation. Not as much as I used to think at least. @Murphy The fact that so many people have given me helpful responses in such a short time is a sign that I'm on the right site, at least for now.
