My wife smashed thru the closet door & pulled me out.

Hello Mike. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is natural that you feel like you hurt her. And you will have to move on from it. Granted it's going to be hard and I understand that but it will become easier with time. It could be easier if you realise that even though you thibk you Hury her and that she might be hurt you are actually doing the right thing by telling her. It can be worse if you just keep it bottled up and not even telling her. You were also doing the right thing by not going outside the marriage, that means a lot to your wife even though she isn't showing it right now. It's obviously not based on a big lie if you didn't go outside the marriage also. Did you try talking to her? If you did what did you tell her? Maybe say to her 'No matter what, I really love you and I will not let anything get in the way of our marriage not even this, it would mean a lot if you would like to see the marriage through no matter what'. You can still be happy, even if the worst happens. After a while you will bounce back. But, let's not talk about the worse case right now. Let's see how this goes and then we'll talk of you need more help. Also give your wife time to take all this in. She probably is in shock and just need time.

Hope you're OK,
TheBiboy

 

I think she’s jumping to conclusions.

“Lie” is a very specific and very loaded word. It implies that you knew something for a fact and intentionally covered it up to hide it from her. From what you’ve said, this certainly doesn’t seem to be the case.

It sounds like you weren’t sure about it for a long time. Confusion, frustration, denial. You were probably lying to yourself just as much as you were lying to her. How can she accuse you of hiding something from her when you yourself were struggling to understand what the problem was?

It’s possible that the diminished sex life has less to do with you being bisexual and more to do with there being an emotional and communicative breakdown between you and your wife. It’s 100% possible to climb back out of the hole if you two can start communicating.

No bridges have been burnt that can’t be rebuilt, especially since you never went outside the marriage for any sort of affair.

I think you’re making the right choice to seek counseling. You may even want to consider a marriage counseling – a neutral third party – as opposed to your therapist. She might feel less threatened when it isn’t “your doctor” mediating things.

 

Your situation is somewhat similar to mine. She just found out this huge piece of information about you and it is a major shock. Give her time to adjust. In the meantime do some soul searching about what it is you truly want. If you want the marriage because of the life you've built together but are ultimately primarily attracted to men this is hugely unfair to her.

 

Hey Mikelhpc,

I wish I had sage advice but I don't. In the next couple of weeks I will tell my wife that I am struggling with my sexuality. We both love each other deeply but it has become too much for me to keep it inside.

Is your wife generally pro-LGBT? She needs some time to adjust.