I came out to my family and friends about two years ago. Since then I have met quite a few new people, and had two part time jobs. However, in all these situations I feel so awkward and worried about coming out. At both workplaces there were other openly gay colleagues who mentioned bf's/gf's quite a lot. However, I was pretty cagey about it and only told a few people. I reckon it may have spread a bit but the constant fear and anxiety I felt about it being brought led to me leaving these jobs and starting a fresh. I also used to go to a guitar class. It was me and a bunch of middle aged men. I was constantly worried that they would ask me if I had a girlfriend and I would have to reply no, I have a boyfriend... This anxiety made me not turn up some days. Why do I get so cagey, anxious and wound up about this? How do I become more laid back about it all. I have lots of awesome, accepting friends and people who I am totally out to and comfortable with. At uni I invite my bf to things and everyone knows. However, in these other situations I just get so panicky and scared about it.
For your anxiety, I would seek the help of a mental health professional, such as a therapist. It took me years to get to the point of being comfortable telling others I'm gay. It was a gradual process helped greatly by having gay friends who are 100% comfortable with themselves in public situations. Witnessing that really showed me I had nothing to fear. I am who I am and not everyone will like me. My sexuality may make others uncomfortable. But I've learned that hiding my sexuality because of shame makes me unhappy. Why should I feel like a second-class citizen because I like guys?
I think it's a matter of fact of becoming accepting to yourself and feeling 100% comfortable. I can see clearly that you already are because otherwise you wouldn't tell people in the first place. You just need to master the art of not giving a donkey's ass if people are going to judge you based on your sexuality. In most situations you shouldn't feel obliged to say "I'm gay" as an introductory to everybody you meet; At the end of the day, you've got great people around you who accept your sexuality and that's great enough right? Not everybody needs to know if you're not comfortable with them knowing, I know it sucks I wish everyone could know too and I wish I wouldnt get nervous about losing people based on opinion but sometimes it's for the best. So what I'm trying to get at is, once you feel like you couldn't care if someone or a group, your guitarist group for example, knows about your sexuality, then you'll find the peace and settlement you're looking for. I'm taking it that they're all straight men who love hanging out together and talking about girls and drinking beers whilst rocking out? I suppose it could be really daunting to impose your sexuality on them. But I'm sure that if they like your company, and they haven't been creeped out by you in the past then I'm confident in saying that they won't change their opinion of you. So give it a go, maybe arrange to go out with them for drinks one day and invite your boyfriend to come along, see how things go!
