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Need some help please!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JAA1297, Feb 1, 2016.

  1. JAA1297

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Washington, DC
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I just really don't know what to do. I know I post about this a lot, but my situation makes me feel like shit every time. I get better some days and then I collapse on other days. I just don't know why I can't get over him—his beautiful face, I literally feel like crying whenever I see him smile. I can't do this anymore I can't move on. I guess I'll give my story so it all will make more sense.

    So I started at a new school this year, and immediately when I walked into my last class on the first day, I saw him. He was sitting across from me, and he looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes. I hadn't come out to myself yet so I didn't know I loved him, but I felt something so wonderful, so amazing, looking at him was heaven. Oh, and he is openly gay. My heart would flutter whenever he spoke to anyone; I was scared shitless of him to the point I couldn't even say hi to him. So one day in class, the teacher gave us all a packet to read for homework. I lost my packet, and when I was at home, I decided to Facebook message him to ask him to send it to me. Not only that, I would ask him to text it to my number, that way I would have his number and we'd be able to text each other and be friends. So I messaged him, and tricked him into giving me his phone number and he texted me photos of the packet. I was happy beyond belief. I had his number!! From then on, I would text him every day. I didn't know what to talk to him about, so I just talked to him about stuff about school because I knew nothing about him. All I knew is I desperately wanted to be his friend and just being able to text him about the most meaningless stuff made me happy beyond measure. 3 days later, I came out to myself as gay. It wasn't just because of him that I knew I was gay—a lot of other factors played into my discovery. But anyways, I thought to myself, I'm gay, he's gay, I really love him so much, why don't I come out to him? And so the next day, I met him after school, and told him that I'm gay. I didn't tell him I love him or anything though. He was very happy and hugged me. To say I was happy is an understatement. I was in tears when he hugged me, because he is just so beautiful and sweet and I love him so fucking much. I would do anything for him and still want to do more. I texted him that night to thank him, and he said that he is "very happy" that I came out to him "despite not knowing me for very long". He also said that "I am always here to talk whenever you want". Let's just say that was the best day of my entire life. The next day, I asked him a question about how he reacted when he came out to himself, because I was curious. He answered me and everything, and then I told him how I felt uncomfortable with myself, and then everything went to shit. He told me that he was "uncomfortable" that I chose to talk to come out to him, and then he blocked me on Facebook. I was in tears. For at least 2 hours, I was sobbing. I thought my world ended. Everything just shut down and I actually got sick for the next couple of days. I'd lie in bed and cry to myself. For the past two months, I have cried myself to sleep on a regular basis. I really want to talk to him, just to explain everything, but I just can't. I'm too scared, and I don't want to cause any trouble. And to make things worse, he acts normal around me! Like nothing ever happened. I just can't get him out of my head and I feel worthless and hopeless and I'll never find anyone like him ever. He is so damn beautiful and I love him so much. Please help me someone. I'm losing hope in everything right now and I feel horrible.
     
  2. PennyT

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Alabama, US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You aren't worthless. You're just going through a difficult time in your life. Heartbreak sucks. It really does, especially when there's little to no closer. My advice is to try to talk to him, face to face. His reaction seems odd to me, because he was so accepting before. If he won't talk to you in person, or if he continues his standoffish behavior, do everything in your power to move on. You've got years ahead of you to find someone to love again, who will hopefully be a lot nicer to your heart. Don't give up now! Don't let a boy ruin your life. He might seem wonderful now, but I guarantee you, in five or so years, you'll look back and realize you could have done so much better.
    Good luck! I hope you feel better! (*hug*)
     
  3. JMB

    JMB
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2016
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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You're lucky you fell in love with a beautiful gay man, I on the other hand didn't fall in love with a gay guy, he was straight, well to this day I'll never know. I don't know what it was about him, his devilish blue eyes or his cheeky smile and great charisma, I was absolutely wound over this guy I slaved for him I genuinely loathed him. This happened for about a year until a girl got involved and I got super jealous. It's a long story but today we don't speak, he doesn't know I'm gay and I never got to tell him how I felt.

    It's been about two years now but I look back and think that I overthought the situation and I was definitely head over heels with this man and it caused me so many problems. Now, you on the other hand, you're lucky he's gay. Show him you love him and show him you care, or you could completely ignore him, block him from your life and grieve for a while until you realise you're wasting your life away into eternity and finally decide that enough is enough, trust me, been there, it's not great.

    I regret not trying, I regret not telling him how I felt, I regret making his life a living hell from the anger and despair he caused me and the raging jealousy that I grew whenever he talked to a new girl. The worst thing was, he never successfully maintained them and he never seemed interested either! I saw him checking out our hot PE teacher some day and a whole bunch of other signs so it kept me running back into the love circle and developing feelings every now and again...I still kinda believe he's still gay but I'm over the crush and I'm glad I am but even when I see him nowadays I still have that warm feeling that I messed up, but it's not something that effects my everyday life...

    So now you're at the stage where you could decide to Sit in that bedroom of yours and cry away and feel miserable for another few months or you could make the decision to help yourself and make a bigger effort to try and win him over. Tell him how you feel, alone, make sure you're not in an area where he can run and tell the world and plan deeply what and how you're going to say it.

    You don't have to listen to me, I just know how it feels and I know the painful regret when I left it far too late. I wish you the best of luck, hopefully everything goes the way you want it to, but remember if it doesn't, life gets a lot better, and you meet better people everyday!
     
    #3 JMB, Feb 1, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2016