I just recently came out to myself (as well as 2 of my closest friends) as bisexual. I'm used to it now. I'm not in shock anymore. But now, I'm falling in love with my best friend. Up until now, I've never liked girls - just the guys. But those crushes were nothing compared to this. This girl is the most beautiful person I have ever met. She is honest, kind, and caring about me. She matches my personality and she gets my sense of humor. She was so accepting when I told her I was bisexual. She is the closest friend I've ever had. However, she is also aromantic and asexual. One day I couldn't take holding in this secret anymore and told her that I had a crush on a girl for the first time. I didn't say it was her I liked. I didn't say it wasn't a crush, that it was actually love. I explained nothing else. I realize what a terrible mistake I made that day. I know that the more I tell her about my feelings for her, the more I'm letting on about who it is, and it makes it so that I can never confess to her. Because if I told her that I have to consciously resist the urge to kiss this girl in public and I tell her later that it was HER I was talking about... What a mess that would be. It's just that the only one I wanted to talk to about my love for her was... herself. The truth is, I have never experienced so much sexual attraction toward anyone. Whenever I'm around her, I feel this intense carnal desire overtake me and it's all I can do to avoid making out with her in broad daylight. I'm afraid that someday I'll slip, my brain will say "screw it," and embarrass her. This is the first time I've ever truly wanted to have sex with someone, and it's scaring me. I don't know what to do with myself. I know she will never do anything romantic or sexual with me. She said herself that sex is disgusting to her. I can't make her do anything that she doesn't want to do. So... what do I do?
I realized how stressful this can be, but as someone who has issues with boundries in the past I can tell you that letting things build up until you act impulsively will not end well. Truth is not always fun, but is usually the best answer. Make a time when you two can sit quietly and tell her how you feel. Not just about her, but about losing her and not being compatible sexually. Ask her how she feels and see if you two can find a way to make the tension work without either person getting hurt. If not then you may need a break from her for a while until you gain some control over your powerful emotions. This may be the last resort, but if you really love her you will not make her feel uncomfortable every time she is around you, or worse in pain because she cannot meet your needs. Good luck honey. Bri
