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indecisiveness

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by redpandaman123, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. redpandaman123

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    Firstly some details
    November of last year I came out to my mom through text. A monthish later she told my Nan and they were both fine with it.
    But the first thing they both said to me was dont come out publicly until after school which at the time was my plan anyway. Recently my friends have been "working out" who they think is ga when they confronted me and I lied through my teeth and felt so bad afterwards as this is who I am and im proud of that so I want to tell EVERYONE and get it over with, im 14 and im gay and my family think I'll be bullied for it or loose friends. I was thinking wait until you're 16 you'll be old enough then but I dont want to wait that long

    Should I wait or should I tell?
     
  2. PurpleMushroom

    Regular Member

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    Kids are all dicks.

    I came out by telling one of my frineds that I fancied a girl, but some nob head decided that it would be fun to point and shout "EEEER You like girls?"

    This was three days after moving to a new highschool and my mum was not pleased when I begged her to let me move to a new school because everyone in school was bullying me.

    It never stopped and it was the worst time of my life. I eventualy stopped looking at girls and forsed my self to have boyfriends. I eventuly got used to going out with guys and I settled down. Now I'm in sutch a pickle, I know I want to be with women but I am stuck with a man. I'm unhappy because of that one kid...

    Listen to your mum, if you breath one word to anyone else trust me it will get out sooner or later. And then who knows what might happen.

    Best of wishes and good luck, I know how hard it is... saty strong!
     
  3. Foz

    Foz Guest

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    TBH if it was me (well me now and not the closeted homophobe I was in school) I would just strut right up to them and say you are. Gay people have this mystique in some schools because no one knows one. I don't think anyone should remain closeted unless it is going to cause them to be in a dangerous position, if you would lose friends because you're gay then what sort of friends where there? One's you don't need that's what!

    Why live a way you don't feel comfortable doing only to eventually lose those friends when they inevitably find out (if that is what they would do)? The token value of having friends just for the sake of it isn't worth it when you can be out and make friends who do accept you.

    But most importantly to remember here is that they will probably be fine with it, you've not said anything that indicates to me that they would ditch you. Why don't you try dropping something LGBT related into general conversation just to see how they react?
     
  4. PurpleMushroom

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    Foz has a good poin, listen to him.

    If you feel confident enough and can react in the right way to bullies then totaly go for it!
     
  5. H20

    H20
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    Here's the thing. I do agree with Foz in that if you're keeping it a secret simply because you don't want to lose another friends, then you shouldn't be keeping it a secret, especially if it makes you feel bad. If they're really your friends they'll accept you. However, there are some people who aren't ready to face burdens like this. It's not easy to lose someone you think is a friend or if it might put you in a position of being bullied, and you have to consider if you're ready to endure these possibilities should you decide to come out. If you aren't ready to, never come out. And always consider your safety, but definitely consider if you could handle the burdens that come with it.

    On the other hand, you don't have to directly come out. You can just say "I like whoever I like" or "Who needs labels?" or reply with "Why do you think I'm gay?". You can answer the question without answering the question directly so you're not lying, but you're not exactly outing yourself. It's really up to you. Of course, there's also the possibility they'll accept you nonetheless. At that age kids like making dirty jokes and syaing "Oh, you're/that's so gay" and it comes across as it's a bad thing. But it's not always and people don't always get that it can affect a person negatively.

    So in the end, it depends on your disposition and your ability to handle any situation that might happen. If you're ready, let everyone know. It's your decision.

    Best wishes.