Today is my mom's birthday and I am not in my home country where my mom is . I want to give my mom a very special present. I plan to say "I love you mom" to her via the phone. But it's just so hard to utter those words. I am practicing but every time I want to say it, I start to cry and I don't want her to know I am too emotional. In Asian culture, this is very wierd especially with your mom or dad. I asked one of my close friends and he also says he never said so before. There lies the big problem. If I say it, and I cries and she knows i cries then she would reckon it's the end of the world, my last words, i would go commit suicide... I really want to do this but how :tears: :bang:
It's really nice that you want to tell her you love her. If it's really tough for you to get the words out, maybe you could tell her "Don't be concerned that I'm getting emotional, I'm not upset, this is just hard for me to say" or something along those lines. If you really can't say it out loud, maybe you could write it in her birthday card.
Feel free to lead into it a bit. "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, and since I don't get a chance to say it much, I love you." If you have to, record it on your computer and play it back for her. Lex
Well I am crying reading your post. I think this is the best present you could ever give your mom. My family was not big on saying "I love you" either. I don't know why. Its not even a culture thing here. Maybe my parents were not raised that way either, I don't know. I think you could just tell your mom the reason you are saying it, before you say it, and that way she knows that you aren't going to jump off a bridge. Say "Mom, its your birthday and I wanted to give you something special. I know in our culture that this is not tradition but here it is so I just wanted to share something of this culture with you that I think is nice. I just want to tell you that I love you. Then if you cry she will know the reason. Go for it! She's going to love it, I promise! She will remember this for the rest of her life!
Thanks everyone for your advice. Yes it's a big culture thing. In my country we barely say "thank you" to family members and of course "I love you" to parents sounds weird. We only say "Thank you" to strangers or people who are not close to us and I would feel like a stranger if my parents say it to me. When I was a child, it is not a big deal. But when I grow up, I tend to show my emotion towards them lesser. It's an irony that my friends told me they say "I love you" to their boyfriend/girlfriend but never to their parents. So I think I would say it yesterday because I have always wanted to say it. So here's how it went yesterday night I called home, and my brother picked it up. I chit chat with him about everything, his study and Dad,etc. Then I asked to speak to my Mom. We chat a little bit. I was asking like how she was going and her work stuff like that. Then I think it was time to say it to her but I didn't have courage to do that. I felt like I would embarrass her if I said it all of a sudden. I paused for a while, mesmerized with thought. Then she asked me "do you remember what today is". I answered "It's your birthday, mom". I could hear through the phone my Mom said to my brother "You see. He remembers". My voice started to low down and wanted to cry because of thinking i'm gonna say it. There was a long pause because I needed time to control my emotion. I think she knew it. Then I asked her what her wishes are for this birthday. She told me that they were very simple. She only wants our family to be always happy (my eyes get wet and all of a sudden i felt so guilty. I don't know why. It was a flash in my mind. I thought my family won't be happy if they know i am gay and that her wish won't be fulfilled because of me) and me and my brother to receive good education. Well, I paused for very long since I couldn't speak. My mom asked me if i wanted to say anything. I took a deep breath and wish her always healthy. Then I paused My mom tried to break the silence by commenting "With good health, we can do anything, right?" Then I was like "uhm.." "ah..", trying to hold my emotions. I was about to give up but I know that I will never be able to do it again if I gave up last night. So I took a deep breath, very deep. It really helps. I gained a bit strength in my throat instead of crying. I told her " Mom, I want to tell you something that I have always wanted to tell you..." Deep breath again. "I know I haven't spent much time with you and Dad since I was born..." (I moved to study in another city since I was 16). "but I always know that you and Dad..." "love me and my brother very much..." "So today I want to say that I also..." "love you and Dad very much..." I burst into tears, and i could hear she was sniffing. Then I said "I'm hang up now." I stood there and cried for about 15 mins. I was still crying in the shower room after that. When I came out I saw 3 miss calls from my Mom. She must have thought I was having big trouble. I called her and she told me that me and my brother is all that my parents have and if I have any big trouble not to hesitate to tell her. That's all for my story. I don't think I will ever do it again especially with my Dad. I don't want him to see the weakness in me. Sorry for my long post. Thanks for reading
Oh my God, this is absolutely beautiful. At first it was strange to read that in your culture family members rarely tell each other that they love each other. But living in America, the sentence "I love you" gets tossed around A LOT. It's pretty common in America to tell someone you "love" them after having spent very little time around each other. To me the concept of love is kind of lost, and I think it's amazing that you mustered up the courage to tell someone you genuinely love how you feel. :eusa_clap
Awww Becky - what a softy! :lol: I think it's great that you told your mom. I suppose culture does make a difference, but I don't see it as a sign of weakness at all! I see it as a sign of strength. You're comfortable enough with your own emotions that you're willing to express them - regardless of what other people might think. I think it's great. Don't think that being gay makes you a failure or that it negates your mom's wish. She wants her family to be happy - and for you, that means accepting your sexuality and living an honest and authentic life. It might be a temporary cause for concern for your mom and dad, but they'll get over it. Your orientation is not such a big deal that it will mean the difference between them being happy and them not being happy. Good for you! Keep it up!
Tell her Gin! Valentine's Day is coming up! How many of you have told your Mom's lately that you love her? Or your Dad's? Follow Daniel's example. I dare you!
