Hi everyone. I'm 26 years old and I'm gay. I am still closeted but I've been thinking coming out for some time now. To tell the whole story: Well, I have been brought up to think being gay is wrong. I always knew I was different and when I realised different was gay, I tried hard to change it. After many struggles, I came to terms with it and accepted the fact that I was gay without feeling ashamed about it. 2 years ago, I moved out for college and a couple of months ago I met this guy. I have been with other guys before but it was always just physical and behind closed doors. This time it's not like that. We met and it started growing between us and I think we are in a relationship now. He is good in bed of course but we also hang out a lot together, I have met his friends and lately he started showing signs of affection in front of them too, which he didn't do earlier maybe because we weren't sure ourselves where we were going or maybe because he thought that would be too much for me. But now he kisses me, lays his head on me or carresses my hands/arms in front of them. I must say his friends are a nice bunch too. One of them even made a joke about the two of us the other day explicitly stating that the two of us are together. It all just happened so naturally and he and I never talked about us getting together and we never had the definiting-the-relationship talk and never talked about him started to be so open with me in front of others. It didn't feel awkward to me either at any point showing this side of me, that I always kept a secret, publicly (well, to his friends). I grew instead happier, I felt empowered and ready to face the world. A couple of days ago I asked if it was a problem for him that it wasn't the same with my friends, in front of whom he's just another friend of mine. He asked if it was a problem for me. When I said that maybe I should announce it and make the first step out of the closet, we made a plan that next time we're meeting my friends, we would just kiss casually when we greet. It is a bit selfish of me. Being with him and slowly opening up in front of his friends has made me more confident and I am maybe using this to finally come out to my friends too. But am I truly ready and should I do it? If I do this and some time later we are not together anymore, there would be no going back for me. But if I decide to do it, should we just do this casually as planned or should I talk about this more solemnly with my friends? My friends with whom I (and we) hang out here are people I only met when I moved here 2 years ago. Should I maybe tell this to my friends from home first with whom I have shared a lot more and who know more about me? He is very cool about things in general and I know me still being closeted to my social circle does not bother him (therefore his asking if I had a problem when I asked if he did). But I just want to be fair to him and as for me, the idea of finally coming out and being out feels so liberating. It is extremely nice to be able to show your affection for someone in a social setting. I am looking forward to hearing what you have to say about this, whether similar experiences or simply just advice. Thanks.
Yeah I think you should tell your friends. You have met someone who makes you happy and they should be happy for you whoever you choose. I think maybe telling them about it might be better than the whole kissing idea. Thats a bit in your face if they have no idea. Maybe easing them into it and then once they've wrapped their heads around it you can do the whole PDA thing. Good luck
Since this isn't your first time with someone of the same sex it's probably a good time to consider the idea of coming out. You said there would be no turning back if you do come out and that's true, but ask yourself what you would be turning back from if you know for sure that you are gay. There is no right or wrong way and it's really for you to decide who to tell first, but it's always best to begin with people who are likely to be supportive. Use the confidence that you have found as a springboard to coming out. For most people it's very liberating to tell the truth and be honest about our sexuality.
