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Addressing "The Relationship Question" at Family Gatherings

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RoriLei, Feb 4, 2016.

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  1. RoriLei

    RoriLei
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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi all,

    I have recently (in the past year) recognized myself as bisexual. I had dealt with frustration for about a year beforehand of acquaintances automatically assuming that I was straight and friends telling me that they 'just knew' I was going to come out as lesbian because of my boyish nature and my 'girl-crush' on Emma Stone. But I continued to enjoy dating boys, so I knew I wasn't lesbian as my friends supposed. And, as I grew more and more comfortable with the idea of dating girls and finally developed a massive crush on a girl I knew personally, I began to realize that I wasn't as straight as the rest of the world (including myself) had assumed.

    I have come out to some close friends and family when my sexuality was relevant to the conversation. But I've always been subtle about speaking about relationships and sexuality, so I'm not really comfortable talking about it when its not essentially relevant. But, now that I've begun to really like a girl who I'm pretty close to already, I feel like it's going to be very relevant next time a family member asks me whether I've "met anyone" in college.

    I'm wondering if it'd be appropriate to just say "Well, there's this girl..." and leave it at that, or should I elaborate further? I feel like if I don't elaborate, my family will assume that I am confused. On the other hand, my sexuality is my business, and I feel like I shouldn't have to elaborate on it; it should just be accepted that I date who I like.

    Although much of my family would be accepting of my bisexuality, I don't think many of them will entirely understand and I don't want to have to start answering questions about my personal business at a family gathering. So what do you think is the best way for me to approach this likely scenario? Any thoughts are appreciated.
     
    #1 RoriLei, Feb 4, 2016
  2. Distant Echo

    Distant Echo
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    What about. Yes there is. She is....etc etc..be very casual about it...
     
    #2 Distant Echo, Feb 5, 2016
  3. Oh Lilac

    Oh Lilac
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    I think just be confident, and yes, say that "there's this girl..." that you are really into. Confidence is key, and stand firm in who you are. If you don't make a big deal of it, there is less opportunity for others to do so. If they ask for elaboration, keep it simple and direct, and move on.
     
    #3 Oh Lilac, Feb 5, 2016
  4. RoriLei

    RoriLei
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    Thank you!
     
    #4 RoriLei, Feb 5, 2016
  5. Incredibull

    Incredibull
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    Yeah I just went through this during Christmas, I was presumed to be just straight cause I am a pretty masculine guy. But, I have a boyfriend and told myself not to say anything about it unless someone asks. My Aunt said, so how is the romantic life you see anyone, "yeah I have a boyfriend." Everyone laughed, and then I just said, "well I do." Just confidently and calmly like it was already information everyone knew. Then there were questions and what not. But, all in all it was good and I left the room the same person as I walked in. I agree with your sexuality being your business but if someone asks you, they are literally asking for it haha.

    My biggest fear was people treating me differently than how they viewed me before. Luckily, this was not the case and friends and family treat me the same. Hope my experience helps.
     
    #5 Incredibull, Feb 6, 2016
  6. Lipstick Leuger

    Lipstick Leuger
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    Just say, 'Yes, her name is....' or 'Yes, she's going for(insert degree or course of study here), I plan on bringing her along next time.' Just be casual and people will be like 'ok then' and probably not say too much. If you act casual and accepting they will be as well.

    My wife was not out to her extended family when she got invited to a Christmas party for all of the family. So, we went with the kids. Her Grandmother sees me and waves me over saying "I don't recognize you, who do you belong to?" I pointed at my wife(then girlfriend) and said " I belong to her". Her grandmother paused for a second then said "Well, you come on over by me and we'll talk". She held off everyone else and proceeded to question me about my job, my hobbies and everything else that you would ask about someones significant other. It was kinda hilarious because I felt just like anyone else that meets their dates family for the first time. She ended up proclaiming me good enough for my wife and then told all the others to behave and they better accept me. LOL
     
    #6 Lipstick Leuger, Feb 6, 2016
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