so it all started back when I was a senior in high school. I came from a rather small town, and people were super close minded there, including my parents. A few people had came out of the closet, but not many. Anyways, I would notice myself checking out other men's penile regions during P.E. I didnt think much of it at the time, as I thought it was normal and that I was just comparing the size of my penis to other guys. Fast forward to my freshman year of college, and I noticed that I started becoming more curious about anything that involved the penis. From giving oral sex, to getting anal..the curiosity grew by the day. I started looking at bi and gay porn on occasion, and that just made the fantasies more intense, more vivid. Fast forward a couple years, and I meet my wife. Urges are still there, and trying to push them away. I began to seek the advice from her female friends after we graduated from college. I didnt know how to handle my thoughts, and thought it was a good idea at the time. The sad thing was, it ended up costing my wife and i the friendship with her best female friend from college. The girl was in our wedding too. Apparently she didnt appreciate me talking to her before my wife. my wife and I have spoken a few times about things..but its always kinda akward. It has been discussed twice. Once after she found out i had spoken to other women, and the second was after i had trouble performing during sex. Ok, so the first time we discussed it was when her sister told her I had been speaking with her female friends for advice. My wife was more pissed that I wasnt talking to her, but immediately started asking me "are you gay?", am I enough, etc. So, I told her I wasnt..which i dont think i am fully gay. I explained to her that I was curious abotu how i came off to people, and thats why I had asked. Fast forward about 6 months. We had been drinking, and ended up having sex. I had trouble finishing, and it really bothered me. So, at the end of the sex..I started talking about things and how when I cant orgasm inside of her, I start thinking my body is trying to tell me I am gay. I told her that I was curious about giving oral and getting anal..which she already knew. She said she thought it is normal to wonder about things..and then towards the end of the convo, she asked if i was single, would I come out as bisexual. I told her it was a strong possibility. The conversation ended after that.
Bisexuality exists in many ways, no matter how much you are leaning to one side or another. If you feel like you are bisexual, then you are bisexual. No one else can define your sexual orientation but you. But it's always wise to question yourself to see where you stand in the spectrum. In this situation, it seems as if you are most likely bisexual. Although you are attracted to men it seems on here, you still seem as if you are attracted to women as well. Going through this sucks, but at least you have the courage to ask around and figure out who you truly are. Again, I am not you, so I cannot possibly know what you are feeling, but I hope I helped. Life sucks at times and it can make us feel horrible as we go through it's twists and turns, but just know that one day, it will all make sense. My best wishes to you
