heya, im new here, but for a few weeks have been browsing this site, before i decided to register. (please excuse my dodgy spelling and grammer, i have to type this fast, while my parents r out of the room). ok, so i know that dotted round the site, there r various posts bout how to come out to ppl, and i think im bi...well im know im bi, but part of me isnt really prepared to admit it yet...im christian, so being gay is a sin for me...so ive struggled...not that im against gay ppl or anything...im not being very clear am i? i dont want to offend anyone...im just saying that ive struggled to admit it to myself. shut up katie. ok, after that load of rubbish, my mom is SERIOUSLY homophobic, and my dad thinks its really unnatural to be anything but straight. i dont share these sentiments....so...when i first thought i might be bi...i deniied it, cos i knew that i would be in trouble if i was, but now...i actually have a girlfriend, and i want to tell my mom so bad, but im scared she'll kick me outta the house...i know that i should wait really till i go to uni in about 6 months, so she dosent have that level of controll over me, but i want to be honest with her...we dont exactly get on very well...and so im quite scared of her and her reaction. so...after all that, my question is, taking my religion and my mom and dad's values and views into account, shoul i tell them now and how dod i do that...or do i wait till uni when i am far enough away not to get seriuosly hurt? would appreciate ur help. thanks 4 reading x
Hi there and welcome to EC! If you don't get along with your mom very well, and you know she'll take this news badly, I'm not sure why you want to tell her this? It will certainly be a point of disagreement between both of you... It sounds to me like you should get more comfortable with this yourself first. You need to be absolutely convinced that being bi or gay is ok. Because only then will you be able to be secure and comfortable with yourself when and if your parents try to convince you otherwise. Just hang around here for a while (if you can without getting caught) and interact with others that have gone through the same thing. You'll be able to answer your own question as to when the right time is. You'll know. Good luck!
Welcome to EC! I encourage people to come out if I feel it'll be beneficial. As long as you're reliant on your parents for a roof and meals, and you know they're very anti-homesexual, you can be sure that coming out to them will not be beneficial. So don't. Keep your eyes forward, towards a time when you're independent on on your own. At that point, you can come out to them, and they won't be able to use your dependence on them to argue the point. Lex
hi welcome to EC :] i wouldnt come out to them just yet. like Lex said if you need them for food and a place to live its best not to have them toss you out. its sad but it does happen. on another note. i dont mean to hate on what the chruch has told people but i think that people read way too much into the bible. being christian is all about loving each other. i dont think god would damn anyone for loving someone of the same gender. God didnt write the bible himself so im not going to believe anything until i hear it from the holy man himself. being gay is not a sin. people who hate us for loving are the sinners. and if you ever want to talk im here as well as everyone on EC. we are all very nice :]
Hey, welcome to EC. Given the situation that you presented in your post, I would not come out to them just yet, wait until you can provide for yourself and aren't living with them. Sometimes, honesty is not the best option, and besides, if you simply don't correct any assumptions that are made about you sexuality, you are just letting them believe what they want to, not lying. I am Mennonite and therefore struggled with it a bit before coming to terms with everything. Think about it though, how many times does the Bible tell you to love everyone? Also, remember in Genesis, how it says that God created us in his image? And that he gave us the right to chose to follow him or not, but he did not give this choice to the animals? This said, why are there gay animals (http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20056) if it is a sin? I hope you figure this all out, with yourself and your parents, God bless
It kind of sounds like you are not quite sure about your sexuality yourself except that you know you are not straight. Bi people often have it more difficult coming out because parents think you do have a choice. They think well if you can be attracted to both male and female well then you should just go with the opposite sex because that is what's "normal and accepted". To top that off, you have highly religious parents who believe that homosexuality is wrong. However, its tough hiding this from your parents especially since you are in a relationship and having to sneak around. Its hard knowing what to do. I think you need to educate yourself so that when you do come out to your parents you will know what to say to them to help them understand. PFLAG is a good place to start. There are a variety of brochures you can download here: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594&srcid=416 There is one in the middle called, Bisexuality Resource Packet that would especially good for you. Good luck, I know this is a tough decision to make.
Hey, welcome to EC! Yeah, what the people above me said. As long as your dependent on your parents I would wait until your in Uni. At least then you would have some independence without having to worry about your parents freaking out and putting a whole bunch of restrictions on you. I've, unfortunently, heard stories of parents who put limits on where their children are going to go to college for coming out as gay. However, if you feel you absolutely can't keep it a secret anymore, do it somewhere you'll feel safe in case of a bad reaction. Let your parents have time to adjust and direct them to PFLAG material (http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6835). Don't thrust all the articles on them at once though, they might react badly and have an opposite effect. Most importantly, figure yourself out first. You need to have confidence in yourself and be able to stand strong. In wise words spoken by someone in a place I forgot, "Before coming out to anyone else, you need to come out to yourself." Surf the site, take your time, and just find out who you are without pressure from anyone else. Good luck, everyone on the site will be happy to help you, I'm sure!
Coming out is something you want to feel safe doing. And it's not necessary for you to come out to your parents, so quite simply you don't need to do it. You seem to have the right idea by leaving it until you're less dependant on them. It's always good to prepare for the worst case scenario and that's what you would be doing. Your parents might surprise you, because of their love for you as their daughter. but it doesn't sound like you're ready to take that risk. Take care of yourself
Welcome to EC As everyone else has said, coming out to your parents will probably do you more harm than good at this stage of your life. It's usually best to be as sure as you can be of your sexuality before you start telling parents. If your religion is causing problems in figuring out and accepting your sexuality, I'd recommend checking out God Made Me Gay and the essay on religion and sexuality here.
