Hi I'm 19 and the thought of coming out is just frightening me. I've known that I liked girls since I was 8. I'm socially awkward and I have trouble expressing myself and communicating with people. I've imagined coming out but I've been having mixed feelings about whether I should tell my housemate or not and because of this, I've been avoiding her for the past couple of weeks. I've had feelings for her and I really treasure our friendship so I don't want to drive her away. I'm really scared and not sure what I should do but I need to get this off my chest as it's driving me crazy. I can't pay attention in class, I've lost my appetite and sometimes I couldn't even get out of bed as I ask myself "what's the point anyway?". My best friend is homophobic and I can't blame her as she has had a bad experience where she was basically stalked by her friend at her old school everyday. I've thought of telling my family but I don't think its a great idea as I was raised in a traditional Asian family with closed mindsets and I'm really scared that they wouldn't accept me and that it would "ruin" my family's reputation. My mom is the one person that I know who would still love me for who I am but she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and I don't want her to worry about me. Recently every morning I wake up feeling insecure and I've had suicidal thoughts running through my head but because I love my family very much and I know how much this would hurt them so I've been trying to get rid of these thoughts but it's hard. I'm struggling with myself, to try to find happiness but I'm feeling hopeless. Anyway, I just wanted to write this as I can't take it anymore. I'm stressed out as well as this is my final year in uni and I can't concentrate on anything. I used to be so happy but now I feel like I'm losing control over my life and I don't know what to do anymore...
I'm really sorry to hear that. First and foremost you should get some help about your suicidal thoughts. Are there any good counslers or therapists in your area? I'm pretty sure if you do a quick search online you can find somebody. As for coming out, I would find out if your housemate would be accepting or not. If she is you still wouldn't have to tell her about your feelings right away. The next time you're with you family try bringing up something about the LGBTQ community that's been in the news to gauge how they would feel. I wish I could help you a little more but just remember that you have friends here. I know you'll be able to get through this no matter how hard it seems. Good luck! (*hug*) (&&&)
