1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Im a lesbian with a boyfriend im not sure if i want

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lofaf, Feb 10, 2016.

  1. lofaf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2016
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hi, im 16 and im pretty sure im a lesbian. I was with the girl of my dreams for a year and 3 months. Then on boxing day last year, she dumpted me. She had been funny for like 3 weeks so i was expecting it.... then i found out she was dating a guy i hated thats been the hardest part to get over.

    Duing this time i kinda started to get a huge crush on a friend, hes 19 and he shares all my intrests. At first, when i told him i liked him he thought i was 14 so he woudltn date me, then he realized i was 16 and was like "oh...". Anyway him not wanting to date me for a time made me more detemined to date him because im messed up liek that...... weve been on a few dates and he came over yesterday and we made out a little. It was nice and all, and i do really want to date him.... but it feels so wrong to me.

    I have a lot of interalzed hetrophobia, - I dont like guys. I never really have, to me they are just a chalange. But i really like him. Ive tried to explain this to him in simpler terms becase i dont wanna hurt him - hes been scaed ill jsut get bored and want to leave or that i just see him as a relpalcment for my x (which i dont btw) - im just so confused tho...

    He asked me if i enjoyed when he came over and if it felt natural and comforting and i said yes becase it did but in the back of my head i screamed "but it would have been better if you were a girl".

    The thing is this feeling keeps coming and going so idk what to do... and now people keep saying im bi but i really dont feel like i am.... but people keep telling me i cant say im lesbian if i have a boyfriend..... i think my family may think ive "gone back to being stright" as well which i kinda cant deal with....
    Can anyone give me any advice??
     
  2. Lacybi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2015
    Messages:
    483
    Likes Received:
    36
    Location:
    Ireland
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've heard of the word homoflexible which I think means that you're attracted to your own gender but sometimes there's someone who's not the same gender as you that you're attracted to but not enough that you'd consider yourself bi or pan, as far as I know anyway.
     
  3. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Let's cut to the chase.

    Do you like HIM?
    Do you like being with HIM?

    If so, then stick with it for now. Don't worry about your sexuality or labels or "what it all means". If you two are enjoying being together, then enjoy being together. C'est tout. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. lofaf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2016
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    its the "him" tho, i cant bare it. It feels so wrong to me but i like him so much. It makes me so uncomfortable and i feel so pathetic that its that thats getting to me.... but thats making me usne if i wanna be with him and i dont know what to do... im trying to just go with it now tho and see what happense, but im scared im kind of leading him on or something
     
  5. Lunarchy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2013
    Messages:
    168
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canadian in Stockholm, Sweden
    Everyone goes through this at one time or another, but it's usually the other way around. A few years ago, I came up with this line to help people who are experiencing similar situations to you.

    Let who you love decide your sexuality, not the other way around.

    I used to think I was bi, and I gave myself all the chances in the world to fall in love with a guy, but it never happened. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I've never felt any sort of attraction to a man.

    Being sixteen is hard, you think you know who you are and what you want. It's not until you get older that you realize just how mistaken you were. If you like this boy, and you let him slip over a superficial thing like "labels," you may end up regretting it for the rest of your life.