1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Am I ever going to be happy if I don't come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JMB, Feb 10, 2016.

  1. JMB

    JMB
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2016
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I feel depressed all the time and i think it's because I don't feel comfortable with coming out and people not knowing about my sexuality, I feel like just running away to start new. I don't know what to do really... I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this a secret from people and I don't know how to overcome this to make myself happier.
     
  2. H20

    H20
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2016
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    You don't have to come out to be happy. Not everyone needs that. However, if you're comfortable with your sexuality and you want people to know, you should consider why you want to tell them. Do you feel pressured to come out for any reason? If so, you should probably wait a little longer until you feel more ready.

    Do you want to come out because you just don't want to keep this hidden? Like you just want to be who you are and you want everyone to know who you are? Well if you said yes to these, that's great! But of course the coming out process is terrifying for most everyone.

    So why don't you feel comfortable with coming out? There are so many reasons for people to be afraid of this next step and some are because it's harder to just say it out loud, they don't know how well their friends/family will take the news, or there's known homophobes around them. Each situation is different and figuring out where you are would let you find out the best approach.

    I know, probably not the best advice, but if I had more details I could probably be more useful. What I can say though is that it's normal to have doubts and confusion, and to be overwhelmed with a horde of scary emotions & thoughts when we think about coming out. However, staying closeted is not running away. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. If you aren't yet comfortable, you aren't comfortable, so you wait and figure things out on your own until you are more comfortable. And starting new would probably be harder than just saying something, depending on your circumstances. We like to convince ourselves that these other options are easier and better than the ones we already have, but it's our brains trying to delude us into accepting an excuse to procrastinate or deny something by mistaking it as an entirely different option that should be a solution when it's not - if that makes any sense.

    The first step to making yourself feel happier though is to just accept who you are and learn to be okay with that. If you aren't accepting of yourself, it tears deep into you when others aren't if they're being pricks, and if you aren't accepting of yourself, you refuse to do the things that CAN make you happy. Next is to list out all your possible options and think about what each means to you and how they'd make you feel.

    Again, sorry, I don't have a lot of details to work with so I don't know the exact words to really say to you, but I hope some of this relates to you. Best regards.