Haven't been in here in a while but I need help. I haven't been in a good place. A little over a year ago, I came out to my parents. They were less than happy...but no violence, no kicking me out, not to that extreme. They said they would love me no matter what but I'm too young and inexperienced to be making that decision. (as if I would tell them about my experiences) Fast forward, and they started to accept it. They never said it but I could tell. However, them never saying it makes me a little unhappy. It's caused me to regress back into the closet with only a few friends knowing. It's hard. I get irritable around my friends and I'm not the same person I once was. Sometimes I want to say to my parents "I've gotten erections for boys since I was a toddler so just deal with it!" But I can't do that. I'm waiting for my mom to ask me something about me being gay but with me going away to college in six months that seems less and less likely. I just want to know what to do so that I can go into college, have a straight roommate, and just openly be myself.
Hello, Maybe if you get a boyfriend or have a celebrity crush then you could talk about them to your parents? Perhaps you could put a film on with a cute guy and talk about how you think he's cute, and see if any of your parents who also like guys respond if they think he's cute or not.
I'm just so scared. If I do that my mom will either: 1) Ignore It. 2) Chuckle. 3) Say something like "Really?"
If you think your mom would just kind of jump around the subject if you just mentioned it, maybe it would be best if you get a boyfriend. At least then they would have to recognize how serious you truly are about your true self without them having the ability to just brush it away. I wish I could be more helpful but this wasnt my situation. If you think you will be unable to get a boyfriend until this has been resolved, then the only suggestion I can give is to force yourself into a situation where you'll have to talk about how serious you are about this with your parents. It'll seem scary at first and you'll probably regret doing it at the time but if you can find a way to make sure they understand you're serious, do it. If not then the regret you'll feel from not telling them again will probably be more than the regret of trying to tell them and knowing the result of it. I hope I'm not coming off as overly harsh because I don't want to, I'm just not all that great at making things not seem blunt and I hope I was at least somewhat helpful.
Since you were a junior in high school when you came out to your parents (correct me if I'm doing the math wrong), I don't feel that it was fair or accurate for them to say that you were too young to know that you are gay. I'm wondering to what extent this experience has framed your perception of the situation. I get the sense that you've put your life on hold (retreated back into the closet) because of their reaction and their lack of verbal affirmation now, which has made you irritable and miserable. Assuming that your parents genuinely meant that they would love you no matter what and you sense they are becoming more accepting, I'm wondering why you are waiting for more verbal affirmation from your parents. If it's that important to you, I would agree that it's incumbent on you to initiate the conversation. Otherwise I think it would be fine to live as you were before and be open to finding a BF. If you find a BF before you go to college, that would be great. Otherwise, you can look forward to college as a chance to give you a fresh start. Be sure to engage with the college's LGBT community shortly after starting. You're in the driver's seat here. HTH
This is the best advice! Yes, I was a Junior in high school and now I am a Senior. I've already committed to a college. I'm excited to be more open there. I'm just going to take things as they happen until then by not forcing any relationships. If my parents say something before college then I will say "Yes, I am gay, and I am open to finding a boyfriend". Thank you!
