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Coming out to parents as Nonbinary to... How do I explain?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by E H Wildflower, Feb 13, 2016.

  1. E H Wildflower

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    Coming out to parents as Nonbinary... How do I explain?

    I am preparing to come out as nonbinary to my dad and stepmother, hopefully in the next week or two. I've been out to them as gay for a little over a year now and they are extremely supportive of that (we're the kind of family that has an HRC sticker and a rainbow license plate frame on our car). I also know that they're pretty ok with binary trans people. That said, I'm not worried about being rejected, but I also don't think I can expect them to understand this right away.

    Because I can speak reasonably well if I am able to prepare ahead of time, but tend to be rather inarticulate when put on the spot, I'm making a list of questions they're likely to ask me and how I plan to answer them.

    Here are some things I already know I'll have to explain:
    • What nonbinary means (both the general definition and my personal experience)
    • That I have started going by a different name and pronouns
    • Singular 'they' is grammatically correct and very common
    • In what ways I plan to change my gender presentation in the near future (and what things probably won't change)
    • Not all transgender people choose to medically transition
    • My mom is not as likely to understand and so I don't plan to tell her until after I move out of her house

    Can anyone offer me some insight as to what other questions I should be prepared to answer?

    Thanks,
    Ellis
     
    #1 E H Wildflower, Feb 13, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016
  2. Distant Echo

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    Maybe write them a letter? Hand it to them and leave the room. Wait for them to come to you?
     
  3. E H Wildflower

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    Re: Coming out to parents as Nonbinary... How do I explain?

    Thanks, I might do that. Knowing how difficult it was for me to come out last time, I think I'll at least have to send one or both of them a text ahead of time saying that there's something I want to talk to them about and if I don't bring it up ask me.
     
    #3 E H Wildflower, Feb 13, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016
  4. Eveline

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    Maybe something along the lines of: I wanted to let you know that I never really felt comfortable being perceived as female/male, I learned a while back about non binary genders and I feel it reflects who I am inside well. I am telling you this because it is important for me that the people that I love know who I am inside. Think of it as a process of growth that I am going through. Figuring out that I am genderfluid has helped me move forward and make sense of my life and the world that I live in. I believe that it is an integral part of my identity and I hope that you accept it and will overtime understand what it truly means to me and how positive it has been for me to figure this out and feel the peace and clarity that this revelation has brought with it...

    I would suggest to make it simple and not act in a defensive way, trying to justify it to them. This is who you are, they can choose to accept it or reject your identity but you will still be genderfluid and this is your choice. Be sweet about it, show confidence and project a sense of freedom when coming out. Do everything that you can to put them at ease because to accept your gender identity they need to see it as something positive and not harmful to you or them.

    (*hug*)

    Eveline
     
    #4 Eveline, Feb 13, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016