the more im happy the harder it gets

a) you are ALWAYS the reason you drink or

. Don't blame that on other people, unless they are physically forcing it down your throat...
b) can you tell your parents and family? If you can't tell them everything, at least tell them parts...
c) most people would not feel bad about simply talking to someone... Are you sure there aren't more issues in your relationship? (It might just be that you are really moral about that sort of thing, I don't know you well enough to distinguish that...)

Those might sound harsh, that was not the intent... I sincerely hope you figure this all out.

 

ur not being unloyal. ur not flirting or anything. so ur totally loyal. nd ir ur bf says ur great im sure u are! dont doubt urself. i dont tat plenty nd ppl always tell me that im great. and im finally beginning to believe them. if ur drinking and doing other $h*! then i think that the only way u can b happier or want to mak urself stop is to tell ur family. nd honestly u cant blame a person on what ur doing unless they physically mak u. if u cant tell them then mayb u shud talk to someone about how ur feeling about not being able to tell ur family or something. soooooo idk if i helpd i hope i did! i hope it gets better for u

 

So there is something more going on... It's not just, "oh they're a cool person, I'd like to talk to them", but more of a "I wouldn't mind being with them"? ...or am I off base.
If you would rather be with someone else, I think you need to sort that out with your bf...

(and a note to all who have already posted, including the OP, proper grammar always helps legibility and usefulness...)

 

Blake's definitely not understanding the situation (sorry Blake).

Okay cromig basically you aren't flirting with this guy so it's no big deal. Sometimes people can talk to other people even easier than with their own boyfriends, it's just how life works. As for the family thing, just find out how they feel about homosexuality, if they are probably fine with it then seriously come out you'll feel so much better and you will probably tell yourself you no longer need to drink and do shit. But Blake is right in saying they aren't making you drink you're passing off you're feelings of hiding and possible depression coming from it (even if you don't feel depressed) into other activities ie. drinking. I hope it helps.

 

Which is why I was trying to figure it out.
I understand that he is not flirting or anything, but he did say that he "feel(s) bad for even thinking about being wif some1 else" which either means that he would feel bad IF he even though that, or that he feels bad THAT he though that. I am trying to figure out which one it is.
If it is the first (if) than there is no problem, if it's the second, then there are some issues...

Edit: this is not meant to sound argumentative, I hope no one takes it that way.

 

I've heard this advice somewhere on here before. I think it was becky or lex that said it. If its not something you would tell your boyfriend about, then you are cheating. Have you told him about this other guy online?

You say you feel guilty about it. It sounds like an emotional affair. This happens alot with people when they aren't satisfied with the relationship they are in. Emotional affairs are just that. An emotional thing. You can be more yourself with that person than with the person you are dating. There is no sex or anything physical...at first...with an emotional affair. But it can escalate to that.

As for the other things...well...its up to you on how to deal with that. You do have a choice on drinking and doing other harmful activities. You have to find more healthy ways to vent other than doing damage to yourself. If need be, speak with a therapist. But the first way to make things better is to get rid of the bad things you have control over. Alcohol is a depressant. Its not going to make you feel better in the end.

I hope this helped a little.

 

^^^
That is what I was trying to say... I fail at expressing myself clearly.

 

ok well drinkin isnt a bad thing, i do it, not alot, mainly on weekends but its not cuz im depressed, its bcuz im lookin to have fun and thats just one way for me to have fun, so u cant criticize sem1 4 it, anyways, i told my friend about me 2day and i did really feel like amazing, i even got to tlk to her about stuff shes never talked to other ppl about, so tellin ppl about u can sumtimes open new doors for u. just dont tell sum1 if u know or have the feeling they wont like it, dont take a chance if ur not sure