So I'm new here (19yo) and have a story I need to get off my chest. This past Friday I was at a house party. I had a lot to drink but I could remember everything I did and I was in control for the most part (besides the usual lowered inhibitions). I was flirting with one girl all night and its happened before so we ended up spooning on the bed (I'm not really into anything sexual as in I've never done anything more making out with a chick and feeling up...) and fell asleep. I was in the host's bedroom with her, he was on one couch, and another dude (we'll name him Guy B) was on another couch. Well when I woke up at 6:30AM I was spooning Guy B and I had taken off my pants and socks (I was in boxers), yet had no recollection of this. I donno if I sleptwalked or blacked out. We and everyone have laughed it off as a crazy drunk thing. However, its gotten me to wonder. I think I've had a slight interest in guys (never Guy B though) but I don't know if its more than a fad. Whenever I think about talking to a friend (who I think all believe I'm fully straight) about it, I find myself questioning it and thinking its a crazy idea. Yet I can't shake the curious feeling of what it would be like with another dude. Should I man up and talk to a friend about it, or maybe my sister who is lesb and seems beyond happy. Is it completely pathetic of me? I'm SO CONFUSED!! :help:
Also, I'm in a co-ed business frat and so of course everyone heard about it and laughed it off. Even one person went onto say "Frankie's Gay!" and everyone laughed it off. Me being my usual comical self went up and gave Guy B a hug to play it off. It did get me wondering though. Being gay, thats different then about 90% of all people. I don't know if I really want that...
And history: I've had 6 girlfriends (8th,9th,10th,11th, end of 12th grade and summer before freshman year, no one fresh year, and one in December this past month (she's abroad now)) 8th and 9th grade were more fads I think. 10th was a friends with benefits. 11th was kind of a fucked up year with a weird triangle involving two chicks (I liked her and she liked her), but thats for another time 12th was probably the most serious one but college just got in the way. December was cool but shes abroad and I donno how I actually feel about her. I also kind of have a strong feeling for my best friend Jack but have never had the guts to tell him (almost did this past winter but backed off at the last minute)
Well it sounds like you HAVE feelings for guys, no denying that part of yourself. It may not be a prominent part of yourself, but its going to be there so now you have to learn to accept it Just have to look deep inside yourself to find your answers
if you are close to your sister, maybe try talking to her about it. drunkenly spooning with a guy doesn't make you gay. however the fact that you have then come onto this website and posted about it and about your sexuality might indicate that deep down you suspect that you might be gay. BTW obviously not many people WANT to be gay before realise that they are gay. it's not like there are loads of straight people out there really cut up that they aren't gay (though i guess there may be a few). anyway that's totally normal. whether or not you are gay isn't going to have a lot to do with you want it or not. it's just something you have to figure out whether it is the case with you or not. one thing that made me realise is when i went to parties, i would always look at the guys dancing, not the girls. when i went to films, i would always check out the actors not the actresses. HTH
Hi there and welcome to EC! Having these feelings is completely normal. From what you have said, there is a chance that you do have feelings for guys and girls. Sexual identities are fluid and they can change over time. Try to explore the feelings that you have. It might take some time to figure all the feelings out but if you allow yourself to explore the feelings and try to understand them you will figure it all out. There is no rush, take your time and follow what ever you feel comfortable with. When you look at girls and/or guys ask yourself where do you feel more drawn to. I think the first important step for you is to accept that you might not be 'straight.' That said, you don't have to label yourself at this stage. Follow your instincts. In accepting who you are, always remember that your sexual identity is a normal part of you. Try to educate yourself a bit as well. You have already taken an important step. You have signed up on EC and started talking about it. I can only encourage you to continue doing that. If you are not comfortable sharing this with your sister at this point, you could try seeing a counselor/therapist at school or outside of school. As you know, counseling sessions are confidential. Talking about your feelings out loud could help you to make better sense of them. At the same time, give it some thought as to whether you might want to talk with your sister. I'm sure she would keep it between the two of you if you ask her to. Your sister would be an important part of your support network. It is really up to you as to how you want to proceed. Stick around on EC. Read some of the coming out stories and posts in this section. We will try helping you as much as we can. I hope this helps a bit!
