Hi i'm Adam, and i just joined EC today. Anyway, the reason i joined here to to help me figure out my sexuality. I should stress that i hate asking for help so this is a rare thing for me to do. I am in my 1st year at university, and have always thought i was straight. While growing up i have had girlfriends, but never anything too serious. I have 2 brothers and we are quite close and I often wonder if my older brother is gay. Whn with my last ex-gf i got turned on at the right times and stuff. But: I am also turned on by other men in their boxer shorts, if they are tied up thats even better. These form the basis of most of my erotic dreams I recently developed my first man crush, and often feel akward around attactive men With my close friends we often joke about out sexuality as gay Most of my friends are girls, and i am often considered "camp" because of what i like, tv programmes, fashion etc I still find myself fancying girls but i dont fantasize about them, as i do with guys Hence my confusion, I know im probably not straight but does this make me gay or bi? Thanks PS i dont know if all the information is relevant, and if there are any areas needing clarifyed i can do so.
Well, given what you've said, I can't and won't presume to say for certain that you're gay or bi or some other thing. What I will say for certain is that you ain't straight. Most people on these boards know I'm fond of saying that the proof is in the porn. What I mean by that is mostly obvious-if the sight of a semi-naked guy tied up gets you going, then you as a guy aren't entirely straight. If a semi-naked girl gets you going, then you're not entirely gay either. I think the big point you've made here is in regard to the fantasies. You say you fantasize about men in their boxers tied up (hot!), and at the same time, you say you don't really fantasize about girls. You also said you feel "awkard" around attractive guys. I think that's a lot of very good and very viable evidence. As a point, I as a gay guy occasionally will find a girl that looks really good. But that's the extent of it for me. I never fantasize about girls. I never feel attracted to girls. When I do spot that rare girl, I notice that she looks good because human beings notice beautiful people, not because I want her. Like I said before, too, the proof is in the porn. For awhile, I was a brainwashed self-loathing fundie, so I watched a lot of straight porn as I tried to "make" myself straight. Trust me, it never did a damn thing for me except made me waste time I could have used to watch gay porn and get off. If you're fantasizing about semi-naked guys that are tied up (again, hot!), you might not be gay, but you ain't straight either. At least that's my take on it! Welcome to EC, BTW. (*hug*)
Hi ACDC! Welcome to EC, and well done on a very clear posting. It took a lot of courage to actually do it, and to admit those very personal things about yourself to yourself; we've all been there and totally congratulate you! Yeah, as the previous poster said: "you're definately not straight". How do you feel about that? For most of us, the not knowing has caused more stress and pain than anything else; and then when we've finally realised our true sexual identity, we've felt an incredible sense of relief. Like a huge weight has been lifted from our shoulders! The comment from xequar about 'the porn test' is a good one. You might prefer straight porn, and look at the guy and girl equally; you may prefer straight porn, but secretly spend most of the time 'checking out' the guy; or you may simply 'get off' on gay porn alone. Either way these are only clues and do not form any hard and fast rules. Bi-sexual people can vary enormously in their preferences. From mostly straight but being attracted to occasional same sex; through equal attractions to opposite and same sex; to mostly same sex attraction with occasional straight attractions. It is possible you may lie somewhere in this field, or you could at some later date decide that you feel most comfortable as a gay man. Only you can find this out and only when you are ready to, but you must give yourself time and not allow it to stress you out. You've taken the first step already by making the really brave decision to start talking about it with someone. Well done! Please keep talking about it, it helps. You will find EC is a very supportive and friendly group of people who only want to help you. We've all been in the same situation as you. Congratulations on finding EC, I hope it helps you. Take care, Kayar. X
welcome to EC :smilewave i went through the same thing, (except for the part about girlfriends :dry: ) so i know what you are going through.
Welcome to EC! You seem fine with the "not straight" label, so why not go with that for a bit? You don't have to commit immediately to anything. Just go with the flow for a bit, and see how things shake out. Lex
Hi Adam, I find it amusing that you chose ACDC as name - it looks like that may be closer to the truth than you want. From your post, I would venture to say that you are rather closer to gay than to straight, for the same reasons as those mentioned above. Personally, I only was willing to admit the evidence of the "porn test" after 26 years of marriage, which creates all kinds of difficult situations. Unfortunately, while you may feel comfortable with both sexes now, my experience would lead me to believe that it gets more and more difficult as you mature (hem...). Take time now to work out what makes you feel most comfortable and avoid making long-term life choices if you are not convinced and committed to respecting them! Remember you need to be comfortable with your life and not feel that you are just trying to please your girl-friend or your parents. Take time over this, take care of yourself.
there's three categories when we speak about Sexuality first is erotical (Porn test lives here ) Second is romantical (are you falling in love or wanting to be with guy or girl) and third one is social identity (do you identify yourself as Gay or straight) i think you need to think about it more or to talk about it with someone who you realy trust, that is good way to understanding yourself.
hey! welcome to EC! i'm going to just say the simple thing, but its a pretty great way to live and it kicks out a lot of confusion. Just don't label yourself. Leave that up to other people. The only reason they label is to stereotype and to put you in a category so that their brains don't explode. You don't need to label youself and put yourself in a category. Just go with what feels good. If you want to date a woman. Date a woman. If you want to date a man, date a man. Don't bother with the gay/straight/bi label. Once you figure yourself out some, go for it if you like. But your still learning what you like. So don't put a label on it and confuse yourself more. Just go with it and be who you want to be, be with the people you want to be with, and fantasize about what you want to fatasize about. Don't worry about a label. Not yet.
