Tonight I wrote a letter to a dear varsity friend who does not know I'm gay. I don't think I'll ever give it to her. I feel like such a fraud, I claim I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and be honest about who I am and yet I am scared to death of coming out in the hostel. Right now I am set up to be on next years house committee and one of the legends of the portfolio for which I wish to stand, as I played my part in helping to win it for the hostel. And I know as the year goes on the feeling of belonging is going to fade as our success becomes just a memory and serenade and netball becomes the next big inter campus competition that every hostel wants to win. I know that coming out and staying in the closet leads to two very different directions and both have things I wish to experience. I could probably make a big difference if I come out and still get to serve on the house committee or only come out after I've been elected, because it would be very bad publicity if they fire me because I come out as gay and they wouldn't risk it. LGBT rights and issues aren't regularly discussed in the hostel and I don't even know if I am the only lesbian in this hostel, it really is possible (it is a highly conservative campus) In general I am 'n deeply private person, but not secretive and I struggle with that balance. I don't want to make a fuss, but I know it won't simply go over smoothly. Should I do it at all? It could make such a difference for future LGBT students living in a hostel or it could really blow up in my face and scream to the LGBT community: "you are not welcome here" or turn into a media circus that damages a hostel that I really love's image because one or two of its residents handles the situation poorly.
