Hi all, For a year and a half I've been reading this forum and it has helped me a lot, so thanks! I hope you can give me some advice regarding my situation. I have known I was different since a young age but I didn't acknowledge the fact I was gay until a year (or so) ago, when I started college. At that time, I started hanging out with an all-straight males group who were really homophobic, so I just hid my sexuality as I had always done. But as the year passed by, I was feeling more and more uncomfortable around them as I was constantly pretending to be somebody that I wasn't. I'm a shy guy and I never felt any sort of connection with any of my groups of friends. This year I went to study another degree, partly because I didn't really like what I was studying and I wasn't enjoying my time with the classmates. So now, I've met new people who are really nice I feel I can be myself around them. The thing is that I haven't fully accepted myself as gay (I don't think I'm ready to come out), and I feel really uncomfortable talking about LGBT+ issues or just taking about myself. As we finished the first term finals, all the class went out to party together and it was great. I started talking to a guy of my class (who's gay) that I found attractive and there was some (sexual) tension between us, but nothing happened. So, after that night I started developing a big crush on him, and feeling really nervous thinking about what could happen. A few days ago I met with one of my best classmates and I knew it was the perfect time to open up to her, but I just couldn't, although she would be perfectly fine with it (and she kind of already knows I like guys). She told me the guy I had a crush on told her that he liked me, but that I didn't show interest in him. And now, I'm at a point where I don't know what to do. I have some anxiety, thinking about everything. I hadn't experienced any of this before (I haven't even kissed anybody) and it's quite frightening.
This is actually really sweet and a great situation for you honestly - most people have feelings and have no clue how the other person feels. You know the guy likes you, so that's a great sign! Also, the first step in accepting yourself is coming on sites like this and discussing your sexuality - so while you may have not fully accepted yourself yet, this is great progress, seriously. Anyways, I think it would be best to open up to your friend more first. By doing this, you will have all the weight lifted off your shoulders. I think most people on this site will agree with me when I say coming out to your first person in real life is scary. Just saying the words seems to be hard; however, as you said, your friend is really accepting so in the end it will be a great feeling. I remember telling my first friend and being extremely nervous. However, once I did it, I finally felt like I wasn't lying to someone for once. I'm not completely out (I'm out to maybe about 10 people), but telling people gets easier and easier after you tell one person. Now, a huge problem with this all is you are not ready to come out fully. If you tell the guy you are gay, I'm sure he would be elated and something could develop. Nonetheless, most guys out of the closet do not want to date someone in the closet because there is a lot of "hiding." Guys who are out don't like sneaking around and feeling like a secret. My advice would be tell your friend and talk to her about the fact that you have mutual feelings for him, but are still not comfortable with yourself; I'm sure she would give you solid advice and really help you out since she knows both of you. When you get the strength and courage to do it (which there is no rush, take your time, seriously), I would eventually try to talk to this guy. I would tell him how you feel, but that you aren't ready to be out to the world. One of two things will happen: 1.) He is interested and still wants to pursue something or 2.) You remain friends but he doesn't want to take it further at this point. I believe you have nothing to lose in telling him how you honestly feel. Also, this is just what I would do. You are obviously feeling a whirlwind of emotions and you know yourself best. You have to do what feels right to you. As I said, I'm sure your friend will also offer great advice and she may help you come to a decision. I will just saying that when you ready, coming out is a very freeing experience. Some people tell one person and then don't tell someone else for years. I think it is nice to tell one person that you know you can discuss things with. I've been in that situation where feelings eat away at you and you have no one to pour your heart out to - it sucks. Having a friend to vent to is always nice! I hope I helped you and good luck! Please let us know how it goes.
Hey! I couldn't agree more on what lovetoomuch wrote you. Take your time, tell you friend first if this is what you want to do. You will see, this is a relief! I'm pretty sure it will go very well since she might already know! Keep us updated! Hugs (*hug*) Book addict
Hey! Thank you so much for the responses, they're really helpful. Just reading them gave me some courage and cleared my mind a lot I also feel like I've taken the first step just coming here and speaking up to you, so thanks again for the support. I'll try to speak to my friend when we have some time alone again. Her bestfriend is gay too and she even told me she learnt a lot about lgbt issues with him (probably hinting me). She was also telling our other friends in class how she was telling me about her problems (when we met) and I didn't open up to her, so I told her I would, the next time we meet. With the guy I like I'm just hoping to talk to him more for now, as we haven't spoken much in class or anything, though he acts really friendly with me and he's so nice (while I'm probably trying not look awkward or say something dumb..). So, yeah! we'll see how it goes and I'll try to keep you informed.
Hey again! I've tried to write this post twice, but I'm on the phone and messed up both times, so I'm going to sum it up a little. Lately I've been feeling quite lonely because I have a lot of free time this semester. My closest classmates aren't going out much and I almost can't get to hung out with them at all, because they are always doing homework or don't feel like going out, so I haven't said anything to them yet, not even to the girl I talked to you about. The other classmates are really nice but it'd be awkward if I joined them at this point as they already have a "defined" group of friends. Tomorrow there's this college party and we are going all the classmates together except for my friends, who, again, don't feel like going, and I'm a little nervous about that. Also there's the boy I like and he is going too, so I don't know how will I act with him. I feel like he's losing his interest in me and that's mainly because I get nervous and try to avoid him during classes. I'd like to flirt with him or just talk to him tomorrow with the alcohol help but I fear I'll just chicken out because I don't really know if I'm ready. Thanks again for the support!
Hi Twentyj, I think going to the party will be a great opportunity for you. Now that you know that he likes you, can you probably make a move, or at least remain friendly and chat with him, which would be fine enough! If he's lost interest, it is probably because you've been avoiding him... but there's always more opportunities like this one. So that's cool. Good luck to you. If he's expressed interest, then you have a good shot
This is the perfect time to come out! I wish it were this easy for me. Don't be stressed, though. Here are four tips from some of my friends here on EC. 1.) Be prepared. -Nocturnal 2.) Don't make it too big of a deal. -Ameryllis 3.) Be early. -shinyemerald 4.) Be careful whom you come out to. -Andrew99 These apply more to LGB people than to transgender people, which is a good thing for you. See, I wish I were born female and were still lesbian. Coming out would be so much easier. If you're transgender, there is much more fear of humiliation and drama. So you should be optimistic that you're simply gay and the timing is perfect. Good luck!
Hey Dingdang, thanks for the advice! I know other people have it much harder than I do coming out but I can't help the struggling Also, I'm focusing on my college environment as it's much more LGBT+ friendly (my class especially), but there are many other things going on and other friends who wouldn't be as accepting. Anyway, at last Friday's party I spent most of the time with my crush and another classmate who is a lesbian . We were chatting and he told me he had a boyfriend (I didn't expect that as he had recently broken up with his ex) but then he kind of complimented me saying I could have a relationship with whoever I wanted, etc.. At some point he asked me who I liked (men or women) and I foolishly said that I didn't know, just because I hadn't kissed anybody (I was pretty drunk then) so he told me that I should try everything and stuff.. Nothing else happened, but at least we talked a lot and I feel closer to him now. I think I should take the next step and come out to him tomorrow, as we are having another party (lol) before spring-break. I feel like I could talk to him honestly (without revealing my feelings) because I haven't found the right time to tell my girl friend and it feels more awkward to tell her. Greetings!
Im sure that if you come out to him, he'll be respectful and accepting. Let us know what happens!!! Good luck, we're all cheering for you!
