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Is this a legitimate concern, or am I really stupid?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by notquitebutch, Feb 10, 2009.

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  1. notquitebutch

    notquitebutch
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    tldr; I'm too nervous to make any kind of move with my girlfriend because of her reaction last time, even though now she's really encouraging me to.



    Ok, so I've been dating this girl for a few weeks now, nothing huge. The one time we kissed (I'm not complaining, I loved it ;D) it was a little peck on the lips. We were both nervous, naturally, since neither of us had kissed a girl before. I get REALLY nervous though, noticeably nervous, and she always calls me out on it with cute little txts and stuff. Before this kiss, she would txt me things like "Don't be nervous or you can't get what you want :wink:" or things like "just saying, go for whatever you want on ___(day)"

    When I finally did do it, I kissed her once on the lips... and afterward she said "That's all I can give you for now, ok? I'm new to this whole kissing girls thing blahblahblah" I was just kind of like, uh ok and then she kissed my cheek.

    I've been trying to figure out WTFFF that meant, but ever since she's been telling me how tempting i am and how we cant kiss in school or blahdityblah. We've been to the movies a few times since, but her reaction from the kiss has made me too nervous to even try to hold her hand.

    My best friend who's good friends with her too told me today that she told him something along the lines of "You're messing things up with your nervousness, stop it." I kind of felt like a huge asshole, and I asked him what I'm asking you guys now...

    I'm really nervous to do ANYTHING because last time she seemed like she really just didnt want to go further than a little kiss, even after hinting that she did for a long time before it. She's also paranoid about us in public, we can't hug or anything in school, so I'm just too nervous that i'll do something at the wrong place and piss her off.

    Is it legitimate for me to be nervous in this situation? He said I was just stupid and I needed to stop being nervous. Some help he was. I don't want her to shoot it down or flip out, you know? And valentines day is coming up, so :/

    How can I stop being so nervous? I don't want to tell her any of this, because (surprise surprise) I'm afraid of her reaction.


    Thanks so much for anyone who read all of that and can help, I'm freaking out D:
     
    #1 notquitebutch, Feb 10, 2009
  2. curiousdude

    curiousdude
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    I think it's totally normal for you to be nervous and my read on her encouragement then restraint is that she's pretty nervous too. By calling you out on your nervousness she may be projecting her own insecurities.

    I'd start with subtle moves like holding her hand or putting an arm around her and see what happens. If she really likes you and wants things to go further, she'll be supportive and help ease your nerves.
     
    #2 curiousdude, Feb 10, 2009
  3. BlakeHarmony

    BlakeHarmony
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    It sounds like she is just as nervous as you, when you make a move she gets scarred, even though she wants it. Just take it slow for now, she'll come around.
     
    #3 BlakeHarmony, Feb 10, 2009
  4. notquitebutch

    notquitebutch
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    That's just it though, that night while we were sitting there she kept saying things like "Don't be so nervous, just go for it :slight_smile:" and then i did and she was like um no gtfo. D:

    Is it really that she's nervous too or does she really not want it?
     
    #4 notquitebutch, Feb 10, 2009
  5. BlakeHarmony

    BlakeHarmony
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    I think she thinks she wants it, but when you do anything, when it actually starts to happen she gets scarred...
     
    #5 BlakeHarmony, Feb 10, 2009
  6. curiousdude

    curiousdude
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    Yeah, she's probably just a bundle of nerves.
     
    #6 curiousdude, Feb 10, 2009
  7. myra

    myra
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    yup. what she said. ^^^ She just sounds really really nervous. She wants you. But isn't really ready for anything. Kinda like me and my boyfriend. He was ready for sex and I wasn't, but I really wanted it. We would do things and I always felt really bad when we stopped because i knew he wanted to go farther but i wasn't ready...yet. We talked about it 4 months into the relationship and i tortured myself by going farther and farther physically with him, but never getting to that point.

    She's probably feeling the way i did. She wants you. You excite her. But she's just not ready to go past light kissing yet. Honestly...i freaked out the first time i gave my bf a hand job. Seriously...flipped out. Just give her some time. Sit down and have a conversation with her about this. It'll help ease her nerves to get it out in the open and it'll help you feel better too.
     
    #7 myra, Feb 10, 2009
  8. notquitebutch

    notquitebutch
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    Thank you guys so much! I'll try talking to her tomorrow about it.
     
    #8 notquitebutch, Feb 10, 2009
  9. Louise

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    I think an honest heart to heart with your friend is in order. You are right to be nervous because she is messing you about and you don't know which leg to stand on. Tell her honestly that you really like her and that you would like to kiss her and hold her hand, you know that school and public places are out of bounds and that you respect that. Then ask her exactly what she wants from you telling her that it is not fair for her to tease you like this telling you to go for it and then complaining.

    Your friend does seem very immature. She needs to grow up a bit and decide what she wants, what she is ready for and then talk to you about it. She may well be torn between the desire for a physical relationship and the reality of the situation but in that case she shouldn't keep leading you on, and you need to be a bit more confident about it all and call her out when she teases you.

    Why should it be for you to make the first move anyway. If she wants to kiss you what is stopping her. Turn the tables back on her the next time she sends and sms telling her she knows where you are if she wants to find you...
     
    #9 Louise, Feb 11, 2009
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