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Lost, and all the usual "shit I'm gay" questions

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by danimase33, Feb 10, 2009.

  1. danimase33

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Okay so Im a sophomore in college and honestly I've always been a sexual person. In grade school i was experimenting with boys as well as girls but I've always lived my life straight (ish). Anyway freshman year at my university i finally had the chance to be with a woman, and I was for a while, but I was terrified. I didnt know how to act even though I was trying to be myself I just felt like everything in my life was such bullshit and as if I had been living as something else for so long I didn't know how to just be ME. After that I was in a terrible codependent relationship with a guy for a year but 90% of the time we would make love I would be thinking about a woman. now I've finally left him and I'm trying to be my own person and find my life path but I just don't know what to do. Can I still be the same person? Do I have to start wearing Birkenstock's and khakis and listening to Melissa ethridge? Im so afraid and unsure. And how am I even supposed to try and flirt with anyone? because its not like you can just go around asking everyone you see- hi i think your gorgeous are you gay too? lol I don't know how to flirt with girls and I dont want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or anything. I guess this is how "coming out" is supposed to be, but I don't understand it. Why can't I just be a woman who loves? Why do I have to be straight or gay or bisexual? And what if I don't know?

    (As a side note- I can remember the first girl I fell in love with. Her name was Sarah. She had wavy brown hair and soft skin. She moved away in the third grade but we still kept in contact over the years. She messaged me this summer telling me she was transferring to my school and it feels like everything wrong that has been happening in life was just undone. I so deeply care for her that it isn't even in my conscious relm of thinking. Every time I see her I just get this overwhelming sense to pick her up and carry her somewhere beautiful and safe where I can be someone completely different.)
     
  2. Bryan44

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    Well first off hello!

    second..one thing ive learned on this sight so far is that u dont have to be straight,gay,bi..its okay to not label yourself at this point in time. Your obviously still exploring some aspects of both worlds and thats perfectly ok.Do what makes you most comfortable for now. And as for this girl sarah, she sounds pretty special to you.
     
  3. myra

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    Hey! Welcome to EC!

    As this guy ^^^ said...don't label yourself. You don't have to conform to a stereotype if you identify as lesbian. Just be yourself. If a person is going to like you, then don't make them like the stereotype...make them like you. The best place to find lesbian's and bi girls to flirt with is in an LGBT group or some gay bars around campus. It introduces you to a whole new realm of people and really helps you come to terms with your sexuality.

    You are still the same person that you've always been. You've just figured out another part of you. Almost like you found a freckle that you didn't know was there before, but now is. Its a part of you, but just because you found it, doesn't mean you have to act different.

    You can be a woman who loves, dear. Its very simple. Labeling yourself can just make you more confused. I labeled myself as bi for a whole year before i realized that...hey...i'm not really bi and don't want to be identified and stereotyped into that category. I've come to accept myself as being pansexual. (meaning im attracted to the personality, not the gender.) The only reason though that I label myself is because I know that's what I truly am. If your not comfortable labeling yourself, than don't. Just do what you like and be who you want to be.

    Hope this helps out. I'm sure you'll love EC.
     
  4. kaster

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    I completely agree with myra. Really dont worry about labelling yourself at alll. I'm not, I'm completely happy being "unknown" for the minute and Im in no rush to be anything else. I'm jsut who I am and I like who I like. Yeah it gets confusing sometimes but life can be confusing. It's not the end of the world.
    Your friend sarah seems really important to you it'd great you have someone like that in your life :slight_smile:
    And welcome to EC, I think it'll help you a lot in accepting yourself, it has for me! :grin:
     
  5. Maddy

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    Out to everyone
    Hey, welcome to EC :slight_smile:
    As other people have said, there's no need to define yourself yet. Maybe you'll find in the future tht a certain label fits you pretty well, but you don't ever have to put a name to your sexuality if you don't want to - you can just be you. Liking girls doesn't mean that you instantly have to become the lesbian stereotype, and a lot of queer girls aren't stereotypical at all. I promise you, you can like girls and still be the person that you are (*hug*) If you need to talk, feel free to PM me at any time.
     
  6. xequar

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    No.

    Seriously, like everyone else said, don't sweat the labels and just be you :slight_smile:
     
  7. FinalFantasyFan

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    You absolutely can be the same person that you have always been. In fact, staying true to yourself will probably help you in the long run. I'm just as lost as you are when it comes to flirting though, I haven't the slightest idea how to tell if a guy would ever be interested in me. Maybe we can figure that out together.
     
  8. danimase33

    Regular Member

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    Thank you all so much! I've never felt so welcomed in my life lol. I just picked up the LGBTQ calendar on campus and joined the facebook LGBTQAllies group [: I feel much more comfortable just being undetermined at this point. I'll let you know how it goes!!
    Love you all.
     
  9. SlickyPants

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    Dress how YOU want to dress.
    Listen to the music that YOU like to listen to.
    Love whoever YOU love.
    Do what makes YOU feel good.
    and most importantly...
    Be Yourself!





    Welcome to Empty Closets by the way.