I'm not sure if this is the right place for this kind of post but I hope so one is able to give me some feedback. Often, we hear of people that first came out as bisexual and then came out as gay. Well, I initially thought I was gay. I went from being practically asexual for the first 19 years of my life, to concluding I was gay because I had masturbated to women and I was sexually attracted to them. Plus I had never dated any guys. After my realization, I came out to my friends as gay (haven't told my parents, they're mega homophobes) and I only had relationships with women and I had only had sex with women. About a year ago, I felt a bigger shift in my sexuality. I would sometimes think about men sexually but never was interested in anyone at all so it didn't occur to me that I was bisexual, especially since my feelings for women are stronger. Well, over the past year, I've been thinking about men more and more sexually and finally about a month ago, I went on vacation and I met a guy. We spent several days together since we were both traveling on vacation. I really did not think anything else was gonna happen but we ended up sleeping together. It was just as amazing as my experiences with women, both sexually and emotionally. I was slightly infatuated with him afterwards but we are both from different countries so we left it at that. It pretty much confirmed that I was definitely not gay anymore. As of now, I've only told three friends that I am bisexual but that's only because they have known me as straight this whole time. I don't know how to come out to my gay friends and those that have known me as gay. I feel like they will think I am just trying to deny who I am since I have always struggled with accepting that I'm queer. I also don't know how to come out as bisexual to those who have only viewed me as straight. Because most of my sexual experience is with women and my only relationships have been with women, it's awkward for me when people talk about their straight relationships and ask me about those things. Like, I don't want people to think I'm gay because I'm not but I don't want people to think I'm straight.. because I'm not that either. I guess realizing that I'm bi instead of gay has made me feel like I'm in this weird in between place that's not really a part of anything. I'm still pretending to be gay to my gay friends and those who knew me as gay and now I'm pretending to be straight to my straight friends here in Korea since I live in a small town and coming out could have ramifications. It's a little exhausting and it makes me feel very dishonest. It's like I have these two parts of me but I don't know how to have them coexist peacefully. In the past, I always thought it would be easier to come out as bisexual than it would be to come out as gay.. In my mind, I always thought that you could just hide the gay part and just act heterosexual. But, now that I'm in this position, I realize just how hard it is to do that. Whether you are gay or bi, you still have to deal with the bullshit closet and the bullshit feelings and homophobia. I've been thinking since I'm going to be 25 this year, I should probably come out to my parents. But now that I've come to terms with being bi, I have no idea how to do that. I feel like it would have been easier for my parents to understand if I said I was gay, since I've never had a boyfriend and I could tell them I had no choice, that I was born this way... but how do I explain to them that I am bisexual? Even though I have no choice in my sexual orientation, I feel like my parents will think that saying I'm bisexual is just a way of me being rebellious and choosing to live immorally when I could just choose to date men and act heterosexual. My entire family is very catholic and homophobic. Anyways, I really needed to get these thoughts out there and share with someone. I guess what I'm asking for from my lovely EC friends is this: For those who have gone from gay to bi, how do you feel comfortable being bi after coming out as gay? How did you come out to your family? And how do you tell your friends that you are bi after they have known you as gay?
