Hello everybody, first of all I want to make it clear that I'm not an english speaker so the text might not be 100% gramatically correct. Well, so the following is what happens to me.... Background: In my life I had girlfriends but less than I would have liked to. Never been a casanova, phisically I have a greek god shape but in a hobbit body, I have a good sense of humor and so, but I would link my problem to my lack of confidence, they notice that! Since 16 years I watch porn regullarly, and sometime I started broadcasting myself in xxx pages where the public were mostly man, I felt curious and appointed a date with one whom did cancell the date some hours before the actual meeting. Some years later, when I was 23 I entered a gay chatroom and made an appointment with another man, we met, had sex and I did not like it at all. He had a nice body and he was clean but I remember that male smell and the hair (very very short but existing) of his face, I found it quite disgusting honestly, so after having sex I left kinda traumatized lol. After this, I started feeling attracted to transexuals or crossdressers. Until now, I've dated about 3 of them. The last one we meet once a month or so. I'm normally passive, though I like being active, but I usually feel pressure and my ... does not rise. Well, until here is everything fine, I mean the thought about being gay, was there but as I never found a guy sexually attractive, I thought it was just in my imagination. I look, and behave totally straight, no one would ever expect me coming out. I have had during the last years, some girlfriends (2 years the longest) who at the end I ended up breaking with. And here comes the turning part.... Last weekend, I went out and came home really late, about 9am. Just before arriving home, i found a girl and a boy and they told me they had a problem and if I could let them make a phone call. It did not work, so I invited them to my home so they don't have to stay on the street. They came and the girl went to my bed cause she was tired and cold and me and the guy started talking. We talked like three hours in a row, he explained me his whole life. He was very feminine and extremely cute, he is a model, one of those models that could also model as a girl if they wanted to. Well the thing is that while the talk, something started growing inside me, I felt my eyes started even watering, I started looking at him differently, I felt I wanted to hug him and kiss him and everithing. I told him if anyone had played the piano for him, so I made him come next to me, and I started playing a classical song, he touched my shoulder, i was trembling, no joke and I kissed him. It was so romantic, really, like a movie. So after that we went to bed and had sex, he stayed here for sleep and next day went home. We texted and he came the next day and stayed again, and he has now left some days to his country. He has a boyfriend who lives here, they live in his appt. but the boyfriend is abroad for a couple of weeks, he says he is stressed of him I don't know.... Well the point is that I did not feel this way for someone since one of my first girlfriends, which I always thought was the love of my life, and the first day with him and the whole thing has reminded me exactly to the first time I kissed a girl. And well, now I have the doubt of what do I like, I look at men on the street and even in gay chats, and the idea of being with any of them just do not go with me, I do not like any of them. I see them as men, simple. I look now at women and the feeling is much much less intense than before, so I am completely lost, I would love to be gay and end up with the doubts, I would also have no problems coming out but I don't want to say I'm gay, without being it. With women, I feel I will be missing something (this thing between the legs), and with men... I just like feminity. Transexuals I also do like, but it's so difficult to find one that would accept how I feel, the most I met are paranoid about the guy they date being a closet gay. And also, they want to be treated exactly like girls which if I like transexuals more than girls is for a reason. I appreciate feminity, but don't like always to be the dominant person and I enjoy being also bottomed. I am really lost, I know the typical answer is "you just fall in love with the person" but this will not help me. :eusa_doh: Other reasons influencing: Might be also that I find now neither of the sexes attractive cause I'm so in love with that guy that no one else can be attractive. No idea. If u get till here, thanks for reading my story
