So yeah... For those of you who remember hot boy from gym class... Wow. Looks. Great. Better yet, personality (was) exceptional. I fell. Hard. But I didn't chase after I found out what kind of guys he was into. He had been in a relationship with another boy since October, and it just recently ended. That's beside the point. I became pretty good friends with both of them. I kind of thought I was over him, but it's not really the case I guess. I knew he and his boyfriend were going through a tough time. I saw him walking down the hallway, about to be late for class, face red, and I didn't say anything to him. Didn't want to press the issue. I knew what happened. I texted him asking what happened. No response for like an hour. His boyfriend had broke up with him. I felt like I got punched in the stomach. Not even joking... Just to see him in that much emotional pain hurt ME. I was kinda taken aback by this. So I've been there for him this whole time. They've been on and off like 3 times in the past week and a half. Hot boy just keeps fucking up. He's so fucking stupid. I can't even begin to describe how many chances his boyfriend had given him. Here's the thing. All the time I've been trying to be there for hot boy, and his boyfriend, playing neutral. But his boyfriend is really exposing me to the darker side of his personality. I don't want anything to do with it, but I can't help it. His personality is so addicting. He's a pathological liar, as far as I'm concerned, and exhibits other signs of a sociopath. I have been trying to tell him my concerns as far as how our friendship goes and that it's becoming increasingly difficult to trust him. I'm fresh out of sympathy for him, but I still want to be there for him. I just don't know how to do that, and also get over him. He's very manipulative and likes to see how far he can push boundaries with people. Like a game. It's not like people like that are new to me, but he takes it to a new level. He's so good at it that you don't even notice it's happening. Blahhhhhhhhhhhh
It's nice that you want to be there for him, and that you want to warn him away from his ex-not-ex. But the sad fact is - you're not exactly a disinterested party here. As much as might have his best interests at heart, as much as you might think "This guy is totally wrong for you...", there's a big element of "...because I'd be better for you" mixed in. This doesn't make what you're doing/feeling wrong, but it does need be recognized. What can you do? That's up to you. You can continue playing supporting friend, and hope he realizes what a great friend (and possibly more) you might be. I don't see that happening, though. Not unless he understands that you're interested in that. Lex
No, It's not like I was expecting my support to spark something. I've known from probably the first week I knew him there was no chance. So I gave up hope on having a relationship with him. I have feelings for him, but I'll never get my hopes up. The only problem with staying friends with him is that I'm CONSTANTLY second guessing him. What's truth, what's lies? Is he, in some way manipulating me? GRRRRR. You'd think he wouldn't do that to a true friend. But, he did it to a boyfriend he loved, and to his "fag hag" so... Edit: I guess I didn't clarify the part where I was being the mediator between the two. Trying to make things work out for him. My logic is - If I can't be with him, I want to see him happy. He was an emotional air plane crash.
Sometimes, when we try to keep someone afloat, they end up dragging us down. It may be time to cut bait. Lex
I kind of can relate in that I have fallen for a friend who will never, ever see me as anything more than that. As for your situation, I think that your realizing and admitting that there are parts of his personality that are just plain hurtful might help you to eventually get over him. I know you want to be there for him, as would any good friend, but if he isn't really getting anything from it, I almost want to say that you don't need him. But then I feel like a hypocrite for saying that. Anyway, just stay true to yourself. If being a shoulder to cry on for your friend is important to you, then you should try to continue as you are. If it's too hard, which it sounds like it might be, it would probably be a good idea to come up for some air for yourself for a while. I hope that this was helpful. I have never given advice before.
What lex said. Was in a similar situation, as I commented in a different post. Exact same type of guy (well except not "hot hot"). Better to give it a rest. You might feel the need to stay a part of his life and that's earnest, but not at the price of your own well being. Cut him loose or at least do not give him too much importance in your life. (sounds harsh but necessary). Plus how can you be "on and off" with someone for 1.5 weeks ? You can be on and off for years perhaps months, but not within 10 days. Besides, if he finds the time to f* up several times in such a short span then he's likely f*'ed up to the point of no return.
i agree with lex. change something now so that later its not more difficult. you have already stated that you know you are not going to really help. in this case, think a little more about yourself and how its affecting you and back away, not necessarily suddenly, but enough that its not bringing you down nearly as much and over time, at all.
The screw ups were already in the making. Just took the boyfriend to figure it all out. Screw up Break up Make up rinse repeat minus the make up part now. I think they're kaput. I've been talking both of them. They still talk about each other, but the situation's improving. Just not at an alarming rate. Yes. I've been trying to do that. I think he's catching on to the part where I'm not replying to the texts involving his ex. Not that I don't. It's just seldom
that seems good. this way he knows that you still talk to him, but are rinsing your hands of being the middle man. good luck!
