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I feel like walking into a dark room

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by pestjohnbuda, Feb 21, 2016.

  1. pestjohnbuda

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2015
    Messages:
    54
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    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello everyone,

    So, I am 16 years old, living in the Netherlands (to the outside a very accepting country) and I think I am bisexual. I am fed up with not being able to show my true feelings to people, and want to come out.

    The thing here is that I probably want to tell a good friend first, before I tell my parents. This left aside, as I think my dad won't be too accepting. Many family members (mostly cousins, after which my aunts usually tell them to shut up) joke about me being gay, as I didn't have a 'real' girlfriend yet. Also at home, my brother jokes about it a lot.

    At school, I think I got maybe 3 really good friends, of whom 2 also like me, if that makes sense. The other one is a friend of mine, I had a crush on him for a long while for the last 6 months but he never initiated a conversation or anything, and has a girlfriend so yeah, I guess that boat has sailed. I was initially planning on telling him as I loved him a lot, but he acts very homophobic the last few months, saying things are 'just gay', or saying I am gay for doing something. For some reason he also remarks a lot if 'my other half' is with me when I tell him I go somewhere, dine with family or something. I don't know why he does this, but I told him last week that I would love to get into a relationship and to get someone who loves me, but if he says it because of this he is the biggest jerk I know, even though I loved him.

    The other two friends I have are more the jokey types, I can have good conversations with them and we hang out now and then, but we don't really have that 'best-friend' connection, if that makes sense.

    I don't know what to do. I would like everyone to know, to get people to talk to me and for everyone to be accepting, just letting me be who I am, but I don't know if that will ever happen. I want to find someone who accepts me to tell it to, but I have no idea where to find this person and what to do. It is eating me up from inside, because even if I will get a girlfriend (which I hope I would get before the next schoolyear, just cause I want to give someone the love he / she deserves) I would want her to know that I also like boys, but that all just seems so difficult, coming out to your girlfriend? She might think you would leave her later in life, not?

    Sorry, but these are just thought-spins in my head, and I have no one to talk to about these things. If you got any advice or remarks, I would love to know, thank you extremely for your time :slight_smile: