My life sucks. Everything was fine until a couple of years ago, when I started to feel I wanted a partner. Someone that I can love and that loves me. I started going out with women, had a few relationships but they never worked out because I just couldn't force myself be to find them sexually attractive. I really liked some of them, enjoyed their company, fantasized what it would be like to spend the rest of our lives together. Then I tried a guy, we got really close but in the end : same problem. It always ends the same way : they realize that I don't desire sex with them and they dump me. I don't think it's the fact that we don't have sex, it's the fact that I don't send "signals" that I would like to. I can't say I haven't tried. I have. I forced myself to think about other people sexually, I've looked at straight porn, I've looked at gay porn. I've tried everything I can think of. I tried to learn how. It just doesn't work. I fall in love with people of both genders and I even wouldn't rule out having sex if that is what my partner wanted. It's just something that would come at the very end of the path, not anywhere near the beginning. My parents hate the idea of me being anything else than straight and treat me accordingly. I probabaly should have never told them. My siblings thinks I'm just plain weird. And the worst thing is that I'm beginning to hate myself. I want to be like everyone else, but I can't. I'm likely never going to find a person that wants to be with me and that really gets to me. Why do I have to be like this ? :icon_sad:
okay first of all(*hug*) well im just 17 so obviously i didnt have much life experience as you did so maybe giving an advice itself is stupid, but here's my opinion. i think sexual aspect in a relationship is just as important as other non-sexual aspects. like i totally understand what you're saying...somepeople are just not as sexually inclined as other people, and that's perfectly fine thing. but like i said, sex is significant too. maybe you should compromise your desire to delay sex until the end and try it in an earlier stage of the relationship. but then again, who i am to advise someone 10 years older than me. just an opinion. hope u feel better (*hug*) things will work out!
Thank you for your reply. As I said, I don't actually think it's the fact that we're not having sex. I think another person senses whether a prospective partner is attracted to them. And they want to feel sexually desired. And that's the part I seem to be so miserable at. I desire to be with people, I'm attracted to their personality, but I just can't make myself wanting to be with them sexually.
Hey, I am by no means an expert but in my opinion I dont think that you should have to make yourself want to be with someone sexually. I believe that when you are ready and find someone that you do have that sexual connection with, then everything else comes naturally. And also try not to ask yourself "why you are this way." the why's in life will drive you crazy if you let them.
I know. The problem is that I've all but given up hope. Sure - maybe there is someone out there who finally get me excited sexually - however since there hasn't been a single one yet (and I'm 27 !) I'm beginning to doubt that there ever will be. But that part wouldn't really bother me so much, if it were not for the fact that relationships in this world apparently only work if sex or at least sexual tension is involved. Somehow I feel like child on a playground who desperately wants to join in a game other kids are playing, but has a broken leg and therefore can't. So I'm facing the prospect of never having a long-term partner and I think that's what's getting to me.
Aw..dont doubt that there is someone out there for you. Not all relationships are only successful just because of sex. I have been in two long term relationships where there was no sex at all. It is possible.Just dont give up.
Have you considered the possibility that you might be asexual? You say you're emotionally attracted to men and women - but do you have any physical attraction whatsoever toward anyone of any gender?
I've had a coupe of relationship which lasted up to a couple of months. My second to last one was pretty typical : We met and had a long conversation. We apparently liked each other as we decide to meet again. Over the next months we went out once or twice a week and had a lot of fun. After a while I began to notice that she was clearly very sexually attracted to me. I was flattered at first but her attraction continued to grow and she started making hints at sex. It reached a point where I actually sat there saying to myself "I just have to say one word and we're off to bed". And in the same instance I thought to myself "I really like you, I really care about you. I really want to be with you. But unfortunately I'm not sexually attracted to you". Needless to say she lost interest soon afterwards and started making exceuses why she couldn't come to dates. Eventually we just stopped calling each other. I've had a couple more relationships with both women and men that all ended in a similar fashion.
Oh I've definately considered that. It may very well be. I've looked around various inmternet forums and some of it fits, however other parts don't seem to fit at all. So I'm not sure. Tough question. I can appreciate the beauty of people and am a least partly attracted to some people because of it. Howver that doesn't seem to translate into anything happening "down there". I'm actually not completly sure I know what sexual attraction is and where that starts and emotional attraction ends. I know I'm attracted to people and I equally know I wouldn't loose any sleep whatsoever if I never could have sex again. Sex is a pleasurable sensation but it doesn't give me anything emotionally whatsoever.
