Alright. I've been knowing something hasn't been right since I got back with my boyfriend, the love of my life, this Christmas. So today, he and i took the opportunity of a beautiful, 70 degree, sunny day, to go out and talk about it. (I kinda forced him into because its not in his nature to talk about things.) We are both feeling the same thing right now: Half of us wants to stay together and the other half knows that its pretty much over. I love him to death. I know I always will. Since this winter break, both of us have changed drastically. I don't know my own personality and I'm trying to figure it out again. He knows who he is and we just...aren't really that compatable any more. I'm with him...out of a security type thing right now. I'm with him because I need to heal. We both do. We decided that right now...we are going to stay together. We do still love each other and realize that we do need each other at this moment in time to heal over some of the more painful experiences we've had as of late. It just makes me so sad... There was a time when I felt (when we both felt) that we were meant to be. We would graduate college, start our careers, get married, buy a house...have a family. I wish I could say that I still felt that way. I wish that that is how it would be. But I know its not. I know its ending. He knows its ending. I do love him. He is my life and my heart. And the past two years with him have been incredible I'm just so sad that...we both know and admit its ending. I don't know if I'm asking a question. I guess...is it ok to be with each other just so we can heal from the things we've been through? Is it possible that...what we once had will come back if we try hard enough? Should we just end it now because we know it won't last much longer instead of holding on to the fragments for awhile longer? Half of me wants to be free, but the other half isn't ready to let go...not yet. I would appreciate anything that you guys have to say on this. Any of the older folks (no offense..just mean the ones with experience) have an advice for me? The people who have experienced the pain of losing their first true love? How do I know when it's time to let go?
My only advice is that: You know what you need to do and you know your friends are here if you need us. (*hug*)
I don't think what you have now is a "relationship." You are with each other for the sake of being with somone. I apprecaite that it is complicated, but there are other options. You could "take a break," at the risk of sounding cliched, which would allow you both to heal and take small steps towards moving on when you are ready. You have a good relationship with this guy, so you 2 could obviously remain friends, safe in the knowledge that someone else is feeling similar to you. All this is merley advice, in the end if you feel that you are questioning the relationship, then there are issues that need to be addressed. But do what is right for you and know the EC is here for you either way. Regards Adam
Not to long ago I had to let go my first real love, at the time it was the hardest thing Id ever done in my life. But I see now that it was for the best. We are both finding out new things about ourselves, and our personalities are changing. We are growing as individual people. She is still my best friend. We talk about once a week just to check in with each other and get to hear each others voice. We are not together per say, but we still love each other. We are just taking time apart right now, maybe we'll end up together, maybe we wont, I have no idea. But we both realized that we were going through changes. We wanted diff things. I know you say that he is helping you get through some things right now, but is there any chance he could help you even if u weren't together?
he would help me if we weren't together. He'll always be there for me as a friend. But we both acknowledged that, while the relationship will be ending soon (that remaining an undetermined amount of time) we aren't ready for it to end. LIke i said, half of us still wants to remain together while the other half wants to be...free. So that's why we are still together. I know we'll remain friends when its over. And i know i'll always love him. But...neither of us want it to be over quite yet. Later...but not yet. We know it won't last. I don't even know if that makes sense to you all.
I think its more of a, we know we won't be married ever and it'll end eventually. Sooner rather than later. But both of us know that now isn't the time to end it...if that makes any sense to you all? I dunno. Lex, Jim, Becky...you guys have any suggestions or thoughts on this? I'm really looking for some...parental advice. I'm not going to go to my mom or my dad on this one. They'll say i told you so. And my dad will cheer because he begged me to dump him already.
I'm going through a very similar thing, though I'm actually married. Since I came out to her over the summer things have been tough. As you say, half of us really loves what we've had while the other half realizes we're not that compatible anymore and should get on with things. I honestly think that taking a little time to work through the immediate emotions and amicably separate is not necessarily a bad thing. I'm realizing that the key is not to let it drag on too long and to keep a dialogue going about the future and how to best support each other while transitioning to independence.
I don't think I quiet understand. ^^^ Are you staying together and talking things out and then separting? Or splitting now and supporting as friends? I don't get what you mean.
Well, ideally both. (I've got a bit of cold--apparently it's affecting my ability to type coherently :dry I don't think it's harmful to take a little time at the end of a relationship to talk things through and get both parties to a place where they can be confident in parting--especially if living together. The hope is that this will make it easier to support each other as friends after the fact.
Oh! ok. lol. we've actually already done that. We spent the day yesterday walking and just talking about how we feel and what we think. Then that night, we texted and talked about remaining friends and what would be ok and whatnot with each other. So...that's all figured out.
Well Myra I hate to say it but I am the worst person to ask this question. So maybe I'll let Lex and Jim answer this one. lol
