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Coming Out to My Parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by blpate, Feb 11, 2009.

  1. blpate

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So I finally decided that there was never going to be a right time to tell my parents I was gay. I decided that they would both be in the same place last Saturday and that I would take advantage of this fact in order to come out. I gave all my siblings the heads up to decline dinner invitations for that night so that I could be alone with them both. Long story short it took me about four hours of being with them to finally come out. My dad had went to sleep and my mom finally asked me what was wrong.

    I told her I had something to tell her. I said, "Mom you know how much I love you. I am telling you this because I want us to be closer and the only way we can be is if you know this about me. I'm gay."

    She was shocked and hugged me and told me that it was nothing to be ashamed of and that she loves me no matter what. We then sat down, cracked open a bottle of wine and talked for about two hours. What got me the most was that she had never expected me to be gay. She did think i may never get married because she thought I enjoyed solidarity and being alone. She wished I would have told her sooner so that she could have been here for me and for that I am eternally grateful.

    Mom told my dad the next morning while I was sleeping and he was loving for me but still very unsupportive of the lifestyle and basically implied that he believed gay was a choice. I asked him if he decided to be straight to which he responded "I guess so." That is about as far as we got in that conversation.

    Both of my parents say they love me; I know they do. But I don't know how to keep the discussion going. I feel like they want me to reach out to each of them for guidance when in all honesty I want them to reach out to me so that they better understand my being gay. I feel like they believe I have problems and need the council when in fact i believe the exact opposite. So any thoughts on how to get them to reach out and how to keep this discussion going with my parents and with my whole family who all know I am gay?
     
  2. Pendrin2020

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    The best that you can do is continue forward being you and let them generate those questions. It's been my experience that the less parents seem to understand the actions that their children are taking, the more they ask questions.

    They'll come to you fishing for a way to give council, and then you can explain what's actually going on. Let them initiate the dialogue. otherwise, it's really awkward to try to educate people.

    I run into this all of the time with my alcoholism. My parents DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE DISEASE. My dad still believes that I just had a few rough years in high school.

    Trust me, as their understanding of who you are changes, they will ask questions.
     
  3. EM68

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    Congrats on coming out to your parents! You may want to print out some PFLAG materials. There is a great booklet called 'Our Daughters, Our Sons'. They have their own coming out process. Give them some time.
     
  4. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    Thats great, congrats. I'm on edge of telling my brother in the next few weeks and hope things go as well as they did with your parents. As for your father, while he is accepting you should probably send him to school a bit on what exactly is homosexuality. I recommend some readings from PFLAG or other literature on gay/ queer studies.
     
  5. blpate

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    Thanks for all the support. Things are actually getting really good. My mom has really gone out of her way to educate herself and is quickly becoming an advocate for myself and the GLBT community. I am actually flying to San Diego this Thursday (first time west of Tennessee) so I am really excited. Its still sinking in that my parents know. I guess I am still a little shell shocked but this month is going great. Dustin Lance Black makes me want to become an advocate, to be as brave as he is and most importantly to try and make a difference like Harvey Milk and now himself have made.
     
  6. Jim1454

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    Hi there! Congrats on coming out to your parents.

    After I came out, it went about 3 or 4 months and nothing was said of it again. They were both very supportive, but neither knew what to say! So I had to just keep bringing it up in subtel ways. Not "Hey, remember how I'm gay?" but instead "You know, I've met someone that I'd really like you to meet."

    Even last night, I was on the phone with my mom talking about stuff that my bf and I had bought at Costco, and I mentioned that we had ordered rings. My mom just carried on with a "that's nice" and carried on to talk about something else! Oh well.

    Good luck.