Help me figure this out?

I would just tell them yourself, before they find out some other way. It does appear that your mom already knows though, or at least definitely suspects, by now (you say that was 6 years ago) I'm sure she'll have wrapped her head around it. It sounds like, even though she may think the sex is gross, she doesn't mind the being gay bit.
Adoption is always an option, they don't have to go without grandkids, though, if you don't want kids (adopted or otherwise) then they have no choice really.
I'm sure someone else will post, saying what I was trying to here in a much better way...
good luck!

 

Several points...

First, grandparents are the last people you need to worry about when you're coming out. There's a lot of friends and family and all that before the grandparents on the list.

Next, it sounds like your parents are supportive, or at least suspicious. But, they won't be certain until you come out. You mentioned you're an only child and that your parents want grandkids. I also am an only child, and trust me, the earlier you come out, the better. I didn't come out until I was 25, and by then, my mom had constructed all of these fantasies about grandkids and a wedding and all sorts of thing. When I finally came out, even though she had known I was gay since I was 12, it was still a tough pill for her to swallow, and it took her a long time to overcome the fantasies she had constructed.

Honestly, I think coming out now will save you a lot of grief versus if you came out later in life like I did. You're at an age where you're still constructing your life and figuring out who you are, and living openly and integrating your sexuality into the rest of your being will be far easier now than if you wait.

And, unless you've ruled out kids, there are still options, like adoption or having a surrogate parent.

Best of luck!

 

I honestly don't know how she knew. Mothers have a sort of ESP when it comes to their children. Interestingly enough, though, my friends remarked that after I came out, I gained a personality, that before I had been basically "guy stereotype." Given that mothers know their children better than anyone else, I'm sure that type of thing, multiplied, is a factor in how my mom knew.

As to how to come out, well, the first time is always the hardest. Find someone you really trust, a very close friend, or your parents if you're really close with them. Find a moment when you can talk and let them know that you have something you need to talk about. Once you set the stage, it makes it a lot harder to chicken out. Then, just tell them. Be willing to answer any questions they might have, and be honest and yourself.

As you come out to people, it gets easier and easier. The thing of it is that you can't worry about upsetting people. Consider this-the life you're living right now is false, a lie. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. You're not bringing all of yourself to the table, and that's a deception. When you come out, you'll finally reveal the rest of yourself, that kitty of $500 bills you've been hiding under the Monopoly board. The relationships you have right now are at least in part false.

Having said that, consider this also. If your friends can't accept you for who you REALLY are, a gay person that has whatever interests you have and live in whatever place you live and goes to whatever school to which you go, then they aren't really your friends. If they stick with you for the REAL you instead of the false you, then they're true friends. If they don't, then they're not.

You can't quite divorce yourself from your parents and grandparents in the same manner, but certain elements still hold true. The relationships you have with them are false, and trying to preserve the false version will only cause you issues. Like I said, it'll give your parents cause to construct fantasy visions of your future. It will force you to either leave a boyfriend/husband/partner behind for family Christmas, or you'll have to try passing him off as a "roommate" or "friend," and all that during those times when you're supposed to be celebrating family.

I know it's not exactly as easy as it sounds from that side of the closet door. I mean, I didn't come out until I was 25 and a several-year bout with Christian brainwashing. That's why I'm saying what I'm saying. If you can dodge all that and be you right up front, you'll save yourself a lot of needless grief and pain. (*hug*)

 

The thing is, though, that it's gonna come up at some point. You said yourself that you can't deal with more time in the closet. Either you're going to have to hide a significant other from your parents and hope no rumors circulate and all that, or you're going to have to have a conversation with them and come out. Sure, they might be disappointed, but they might not be. Either way, they'll have to deal with that in their own way. That's not within your control.

Also, keep things under your control. You keeping control of how you come out is much more preferable to your parents hearing a rumor from someone who heard it from someone else. It sounds to me like at this point you're ready to go and you just need a bit of a confirming push. Whatever you do, I hope it goes well for you. (*hug*)

 

sound advice from everyone i can't add anything worthwhile ,considering my history lol
take care

 

Your mother knows, she might not be wanting to accept it for now, but she knows. Be honest with her, but don't stick to labels. I think you should tell something along the lines of "I think I might be gay" rather than blurting out that you are 100% sure of anything. You will be surprised how much is going to change in the coming four or five years. As for your grandparents and others, it's none of their business, is it? I believe you need to be honest with those who are closest to you: that is the basis for a good and open relationship. For now, that means your parents (yes they are closest to you even if you prefer the company of friends at times). The rest of the world needs to know only if they need to know. Your sexuality is nothing to do with your grandparents. However, it would be nice to be able to tell your parents, after the fact, that you were really upset at something your grandparents said... It's nice to be able to talk to someone at times like that.(*hug*)

 

There is no rush to tell your parents. You will know when you are ready to do so. I havent told my parents or family either, but im guessing when the moment feels right it will happen. Right now cant see it ever happening but hope one day!

 

Just say you're questioning, and that the only thing you're certain of right now is that you're not 100 percent straight. That'll cover all the bases.

As far as waiting until the moment is right, well, the moment is right when YOU feel the moment is right, not a moment before and not a moment after. When you said that you're "not shy, but can't bring yourself to tell them," let's be honest. Coming out for the first time is really hard, and it takes a bit of doing to work up the courage. Maybe you just haven't hit that "critical mass" where you HAVE to come out for your own sanity yet. Maybe you just haven't found the right moment yet. Whatever the case, we both know you're ready to go for it, so when you find that right moment, use it. (*hug*)

 

Go Luke!!