Ok, so I'm pretty much the token tomboy, always have been growing up. Played sports, worked on cars, etc, etc. I've pretty much always come across as pretty butch, even with the long hair I had for most of my life. So the question I think has always been in everyone's head in my life. I guess you could say I have always known that I'm not straight, but while growing up, I can't really say I felt gay either. I've just not really needed or wanted a relationship with anyone, regardless of gender. So throughout much of high school and college I've had several people ask me if I was gay, and ultimately I've denied it because it seemed impossible for me to state a preference when I really just preferred to not be attracted to anyone. I've carried on short relationships with a few guys, and had a couple of encounters/"relationships" with "straight" girls. And with both just kind of had a take it or leave it feeling about both. Anyway, through it all, most of my family and close friends have come to me and asked me and told me that they love me and don't care either way. Each time I've told them I'm not gay but that is was good to know that they felt that way. But as I get older I wonder, am I just afraid to be attracted to what I really prefer so I deny myself anyone. And if in fact that is the case and I am gay, how can I ever come out to these people who have already opened the door to the closet only to hear me tell them that I'm not in there? I don't know if any of that made any sense at all, and I am not even sure what advice I am asking for, but I guess I just needed to put it all out there. Thnx
Hey! Welcome to Empty Closets, more commonly known as EC here Your really in a good situation here; your family seems to be very accepting, and that is where alot of people get into trouble. What you need to do right now is just sit back, relax, take your time to figure out who YOU are. If you discover you are attracted to same gender, or both, there is nothing wrong with that at all. And also there is nothing wrong with being straight ^_^ You aren't even half way through your life, you still have time to figure things out over the next couple years. Its not a race to the finish line, and the finish line isn't the best part. The journey of discovery of yourself, is really the best part. Take your time, find out who you are, and everything will be fine. Wow, first time in a while I havent had to give ideas on how to approach family members ^_^ Hope it helped, haven't posted in this thread for a while, so what I just said might have been stupid and point Once again, welcome to EC (*hug*)
Welcome to EC! You're not alone in being a bit slow in coming to grips with what you are, sexually. Sometimes, the answer isn't as obvious as it is with most people. A question for you, though. Do you fantasize about sex at all? If so, what fantasies do you enjoy the most? I know these things can ebb and flow, and today's uber-hot fantasy can be forgotten tomorrow. But do you more often fantasize about guys or women? Lex
Ok bit off topic but directed to you lex; Why are so many of your posts about sexual fantasy and things similar? Nothing wrong with that, its just most times I see your post its about something like that
Thnx Wall, What you said wasn't stupid at all, very helpful, in fact. I do realize that I am VERY lucky to have the support of those around me. I cannot imagine having to go through any of this knowing that your decisions could destroy relationships with those you love.
Can't say I have a real active imagination when if comes to actual sexual acts. If I am being totally honest I often dream more about women connections. But they are rarely, if at all sexual, much more in the realm of emotional connections. Hope that answers your question.
What you dream about doesnt mean that is how you are. I have had once in a while sexual dreams about women, and I have no sexual interest in them. And some are them are very odd... ANYWAYS, dreams are just random things thrown together, its what is in your heart that counts.
Athough it may seem to you like you've 'burnt your boats' by previously saying you're not gay, it probably won't seem like that to your family. With important, loving (and liberal and accepting sounding) people like your parents, if you say now that after all, maybe you are gay, they're not going to suddenly say "No, you missed your chance!You're not allowed to come out now!" =] They're going to say "Ok, Marjory (insert real name ), we're glad for you that you've reached some new self-acceptance. We always knew! *insert mild teasing*" Or, whatever your family is like. Although it can seem daunting coming out later, it's just a fact that for some people their sexuality isn't always clear, and sometimes there are periods when we don't know, or it just isn't a big issue for us. People who are important to you will understand that. Peripheral people may not understand, but who gives toss if they understand or not? The more abiding question is what your orientation actually is. I hope that helped. Welcome to EC, btw. (*hug*)
I think I'm in the exact same position as you, only as a male. I've had a girlfriend before, and I had a really complicated relationship with a guy that was once my best friend. I guess I just knew I that I am attracted to guys somewhat, as opposed to not at all to girls. From there I immediately have labeled myself as gay... But I think it'd be much more accurate to describe myself as asexual and gay at the same time. Now that I'm pretty much out at school a few guys have made advances to me, and while I'm gay, I guess, I'm not interested in a relationship, physical or otherwise, with anyone... My advice is to take your time figuring it out, and, while I'm not suggesting that you hold yourself back from coming out, don't label yourself until you're positive of where you stand. It could be beneficial to you to let somebody know what you're struggling with your sexuality though.
>>>Ok bit off topic but directed to you lex; Why are so many of your posts about sexual fantasy and things similar? Nothing wrong with that, its just most times I see your post its about something like that A couple reasons. In cases like this, when someone is unsure of their sexuality, what they fantasize about can be suggestive, so I'll ask what they might be fantasizing about. Secondly, when people first think they may be gay (or bi), it's common to start fantasizing about these sexual encounters. But when they do so, the fantasies can be rather vague (since they may be unclear of what exactly a sexual encounter might entail). And it's also common for people to feel guilty about fantasizing about gay encounters, and so the fantasies can be rather half-hearted and/or aborted. In situations like this, I encourage people to throw themselves fully into the fantasy, and to not feel guilty about it in the slightest. I think doing so will help people feel better about themselves, and not feel guilty about their sexuality. ...and it makes the fantasies a lot better, too. Lex
