Hi, everyone. I am a 22-year-old Canadian lady who, in the past year or so, has come to realize that she's probably bi (but definitely queer in some capacity). I've had boyfriends, never been with a woman besides that one time when I kissed a girl at a hockey tournament... okay, I'll stop now before this gets way too stereotypically Canadian. I guess I haven't had a time when I've "officially" come out to my friends and family, partially because I'm still figuring out my identity for myself, and also because I'm fairly certain everyone knows anyway. As I've started to become more comfortable at my first grown-up job out of university, I am ready to focus on other things in life, and would like to meet some women. While I go to bars sometimes with my friends, I don't want to start hanging out at bars all the time, so I've avoided going to the gay bar. Also, as an introvert, I can only my imagine my attempts to chat up a girl being nothing short of disastrous. It's hard to tell if any of my straight friends would accompany me, but I know it's a lot to ask, so I haven't. I've given online dating a shot, but have been pretty disappointed by the apps. I doubt I have a "type", but I haven't found anyone I'm remotely interested in. (Sidenote: what's up with "Her"? Maybe it's a lot better in huge cities, but where I live, all the girls are approximately 12 years old.) The few girls who have seemed promising have only ever said really strange things in conversations, so nothing has ever come to fruition. A lot of people meet people through work, but I'm a female working in an engineering office (dominated by straight white dudes, many of whom are over 50), so that's a bit of a dead end. Since gay bars and online dating seemed to be the only two conduits to meeting a girl I could think of, and my office is a total sausage fest, I was hoping someone could offer some sage advice. Do I go to the bar alone? Is that sad? Keep in mind that I still live in a "college town", where the demographic isn't as friendly as in other Canadian cities (everyone is young, and pretty cliquey). Or is it time for me to throw in the towel, adopt a bunch of dogs, and retire comfortably as a spinster? Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, what did you do to get out of the rut? Have you ever seen so many consecutive questions? Even if you have no advice, it's been lovely meeting you, and thanks for reading. You seem nice. - A
Sadly I cannot give you any sage advice as I have been experiencing the same thing. I have given the online dating thing many shots already and have pretty given up at this point. There are very limited gay bars around my area (if any at all). I have some very supportive friends but they are all straight and it seems that everyone they know in their lives is straight as well. lol. Not yet out to family b/c I know it will break their hearts Dogs are amazing though. Once I graduate from my program I am definitely getting one ( a medium-sized older dog who loves me just enough )
Thanks for the response, anyway! Much appreciated, of course. I've actually applied to grad school in Canada's biggest (and therefore probably gayest) cities, so if I end up moving I'm thinking things should improve for me soon. Hopefully. Good luck with your dog! I plan to get at least one, once I have this whole adult thing sort of figured out.
Hey, can I just say how cool you are and how I've related to literally everything in your post? I'm also a Canadian girl, but from Alberta, and I'm 20. Just downloaded the app Her a few days ago and am totally freaked out by 95% of the girls on there. Their profile says they're 21, and then I scroll down and see a note about them being 16? It's horrifying. Not to mention how angst-ridden most of them look, with their thick black eyeliner and piercing covered faces. And when I DO get a match, the conversation consists of things like "hey, how are you, haha yeah". And that's pretty much it. I am also an introvert with a fear of going to bars alone, and my first name starts with an A. We are probably the same person. I have only found one girl that I am interested in, very interested in, but we are coworkers, and she is trying to get into medical school so I don't see a future in the event that she has to move away. I've also given her a lot of mixed signals. But who knows, maybe I'll be brave an give it a shot! After that, I think forcing myself to go to bars is probably going to be the best next step. It's definitely tough though. I would like to come out, but since I'm a student still living at home, I just haven't decided if it's in my best interest. Best of luck, if you move I hope it all goes well!
Hey it's good you had the courage to come out I'm proud of you that's a good step with gay bars you can go alone it's usually laid back with lots of hot guys and For the lesbians hot girls it's friendly atmosphere
I am in grad school and my city is supposed to be one of the most lgbt friendly cities. Hasn't helped me much so far lol. When I tried the online dating stuff I did find quite a few nice and normal girls, but the conversations never went beyond the 'hello how are you' stage... hmm...
Thanks for the responses, everyone! yuanzi - I'm sorry to hear that. I truly hope things get better. Rooting for you, friendo. And good luck with the rest of your graduate studies! Aerin - wow, thanks for the kind words. We should be friends, as you also seem pretty cool, and everyone I've ever known from Alberta has been an A+ human being. I also related to many points of your post. The confusing and misleading messages I've received online are indeed quite frustrating. And I, too, have got a pretty bad crush on a co-worker, but I'm not even sure if I can trust it. I mean, I'm pretty sure she's gay, but I think I may only be attracted to her because she's one of three girls in my workplace. I may also be heading to the gay bar in my city soon, and am hoping I can convince a friend to join me! I wish you the best of luck with everything, new friend.
They absolutely are! I actually finally met a really cool girl the other day and we exchanged texts back and forth for several days. We had so much in common and the conversation was always really interesting! I was hoping to meet up with her for coffee, but she suddenly stopped replying and its been a couple days since I've heard from her. Not really sure what happened there, but oh well I guess! I know exactly what you mean about your coworker! I worry that as soon as I find a girl that's interested in me I'll stick with her just because it feels too difficult to find someone else. I've looked at my options for gay bars, and redneck Alberta does not offer much I might need to take a road trip to a more gay-friendly city this summer. Good luck with your visit to the bar, I hope you can convince your friend!
Aerin- I am actually fairly sure that I will stay with the first girl interested in me as long as she does not dump me.:icon_bigg I know how pathetic that sounds but I can't help it lol. My major is full of dudes and the few girls are mostly married/to-be-married so I am not in immediate danger of falling for any female colleagues. Back in my undergraduate I did fall very hard for a straight classmate and that was absolutely the worst experience in my life:tears: gunpowdereyes- Any luck with the bars?:badgrin:
