I am 26, bisexual and transgender (mtf) but haven't started presenting as a woman yet. Basically, one half of my friends know I'm bi, a couple know I'm trans, my family know simply bi and my mother knows I'm trans. The problem I'm having is the other half of my group of friends who don't even know I'm bi are largely straight guys that I've been friends with for a long long time. They all think of me as straight because I've always had relationships with women, but kept all my flings with guys secret. I'm at a stage in my life where I can't be bothered hiding anything any more (aside from the trans thing - that can wait until I'm a bit more convincing!) and just want to be able to try and date guys or girls, whoever I like. However, every time I try and come out to them I freeze up. To make matters worse, two of these friends are my room-mates - the stakes of being rejected by them just feel too high. I guess what I'm asking is what's the best way to do it? I've thought about doing it in a message or something, but that just feels like a cop out. And who do I tell and who do I not tell? And can I keep the trans stuff to myself until I feel like I can really transition? I'm in a bit of a muddle at the moment.
I have the same problem with telling people and I have a pre-written letter that I take with me explaining things just incase I clam up. I suggest a letter may be the best way to do things, especially with your roommates just so everything you need to say can be out there. If needs be just sit with them whilst they read it so you can gauge their reaction and answer any questions they may have. Once you're conform that the people close to you are aware I'd say Facebook is the next best option for coming out to a lot of people. Its quick and easy and word of mouth goes pretty far, it just takes a bit of courage to write the post. Telling people your trans will always be harder, its a massive part of your identity and you need to feel comfortable before you start putting yourself out there like that. Maybe get some support to work out how you're feeling, have you tried looking for local support groups because they sometimes do 1-2-1 advice sessions which can be a massive help in figuring yourself out and working out who you should come out to, etc. I've known I was trans for about 1.5 years now and it's only recently that I've started coming out to people because I'm more comfortable in my identity and I've been feeling like it's too difficult to keep to myself. The misgendering and stereotypes were getting stressful and I'm finding it difficult to handle. So until you're completely okay with being trans yourself and accepting yourself don't feel obliged to come out to anyone you don't want to. Just take it a step at a time.
