Hey guys, perhaps you can help me decide whether this is progress, or just my crazy brain looking for something that ain't there!!! I was making myself something to eat - boring - and so whilst I was doing so, my mind needed something to concentrate on. I found myself thinking about an earlier exchange of posts on each others walls between another EC member and me. I had said that it was something of a surprise to me how easily I seem to be able to 'rabbit' on to him, when I don't usually do so with my everyday friends and my family. Ok. confession here - I actually said my STRAIGHT friends and my family! I commented that I somehow feel that he knows better what I am talking about, than do those friends and family. This is where it gets more interesting - PROMISE! But I haven't 'come out' to my straight friends or to my family yet. Sooo ...... I appear to feel that I cannot 'relate' to my straight friends or family, and feel that they do not 'understand me'. Sound familiar???? Well, yeah, BUT am I being fair to them in asking them to understand me - when by not coming out to them (essentially hiding myself from them), I'm not ALLOWING them to know the REAL ME - so how can I ask them to understand ME and WHO I AM????? Is it not MY FAULT that I cannot relate to them, because I'm choosing not to be honest with them. Mmmm..... Get's a bit heavy there, doesn't it? Please, I'm not advocating complete abandon here guys. We each of us have many personally identifiable good reasons for our individual 'coming out' status (or 'not coming out' status as the case may be); but if there's any logic to what I've been thinking, then might that not help give us the motive to consider again, confiding in our friends and relatives so as to safeguard our precious relationship with those closest to us? I really don't know guys. I'm ok at putting the argument forward for discussion, but I'm having a heck of a struggle evaluating it! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, Kayar.
Hi ,well i have been thinking on this , the straight friends i 've told have been ok but they to be honest are not that interested, as one friend said ," that i stopped him being homophobic , because he still trusted me ,and i was still the same person i always had been ." and I only told him because he made a homophobic comment and i said that if that was the case then he'd better run away from me, he was young at the time ,but he's got 4 kids now and they are teenagers themselves .So i think thats the point if you trust someone to be honest with them in what you do and act then what changes, what you do or dont do in bed means nothing , so long as your not having a crush on them I suppose. Most people I know dont know i'm gay , i'm not hiding it if they ask i'll be honest but its nobody's business but mine so i'll not shout it from the roof tops ,as by nature i'm a private person generally . So if you feel the need to come out then tell your friends , if they are friends they will stick by you, they might not understand or even want to but your still the same person and if they can't see that well that is their loss. As to being able to talk /write on EC , firstly we have one thing in common we are gay etc and know the mental hoops that can cause especialy if your a child of the 60's or earlier ,also we are anonymous maybe a name in another country , maybe you'll meet the person in time but we only know the you that you project here in your writing ,so my judgement of you is based on that as you do of my writing , I don't know every facet of your life or experience , as your straight friends dont know all of your life in this case your being gay , does it matter , not really until that other part of your life effects how i relate to you I dont need or want to know , but as a friend i would always listen should you want to tell me for a friend supports a friend , i may give advice or say that i think your wrong , i may argue , even have a strop if you upset me but friends survive that as it makes friendships stronger , and that is how i expect my friends to treat me . In short treat others as you expect to be treated yourself . So i can not answer your question only you can . (*hug*)
Technically, no, you haven't given them the chance to understand you since you have not told them. However, if they have had bad reactions to homosexuality before, or have said things about it before, then it's rational to feel that they might not understand you. I think for the most part everyone assumes that people who don't know they full story don't understand. But, this doesn't mean they couldn't. Do you have any straight friends or family members that you know are supportive of homosexual rights?
Wow! Hey 'Tallships', some well thought out wisdom there - thank you. Yes, you're both right of course; guess I was having a moment of insecurity or self-indulgence or something. I've taken all that on board, and feel wiser for it! Thanks again, lots of love, Kayar. X
No I'm not wise, otherwise I would have sorted my life years ago but it is just what i have found out the hard way and i'm still trying to get it right, but hey we are all walking the same road one way or another . take care :smilewave
I guess it all depends. First off, yeah, you won't be able to talk about this stuff with people if you don't want them to know about it. So as long as you're closeted, this topic isn't going to be discussed with them. But how about once you're out? Well, then it'll be more of a fine-tuned sort of thing. I can certainly talk about being gay to my straight friends, just as they can talk about being straight with me. If my friend talks about seeing a girl at a strip club, or meeting a girl at a party, no, I don't have first-hand experience. But I can relate. I can put myself in his shoes. The more explicit he gets, though, the more I have to start taking his word. "You know when you have a woman in bed, and she does such-and-such?" Well, no. And I don't know if a guy could pull that off. But I can accept that perhaps women do such-and-such in bed, and move ahead with that. Also, if I told my straight friend, "So I met a guy at a gay bar, and I was looking to take him home for the night, but I wasn't sure which position he played." This obviously hasn't happened to him, and so he can only accept that. However, if I told another gay guy this story, he'd probably nod with more understanding. Because of that, I tend to tell the more explicitly gay stories to other gay guys. Not because my straight friends are weirded out by them, but because they can't relate as well as my gay friends. Lex
