Okay so I'm 18 and known for sure I'm gay since 15, earlier than that I almost identified as bi at 13 because I was having sexual feelings for girls but got embarrassed and put it away. Sooo I've been in the closet all four years of hs, and now I'm a senior. I've always been scared as hell to come out to my family, mostly because I always fear my parents will stop loving me or the harassment and mean words I will face (especially from my mom). My mom and I have especially had so so many close calls with her questioning if I'm gay that at this point I feel she is in denial. I even have a very visible gay pride tattoo, a rainbow heart, on my wrist. So originally I planned to go to university and then come out, but because of money issues I will have to stay at home and go to community college for two more years. I really don't think I can stay in the closet for two more years. I have been depressed more than usual lately and crying about being in the closet, I don't think I can really take much more of it. I feel deep in my gut like it's just time to come out but not yet to my parents. I plan to come out to my parents before I start community college in the fall or even sooner once I get my driver's license so I can drive myself to work and be more independent. But my worst fear by far has been coming out and being kicked out of the house or my parents telling me that as long as I live under their roof I cannot be gay. My parents already flipped out when I got tattoos and my dad at first said no tattoos or I get thrown out but now he's changed it to me having to wait 6 more months before getting anymore. But it's still a big issue for me. So anyway I have been told to try coming out first to another more trusting relative and I have deemed that to be my aunt because I'm really close with my cousin and my aunt and I have a lot alike and get along pretty well plus I am hoping that once I tell her about the possibility of me being kicked out she will let me stay at her house if I do. I'm seeing her for coffee tomorrow morning and I'm just scared how I'm going to do it? She texted me and said I can talk to her about anything but I worry how to bring this up and her reaction. According to my cousin her parents are okay with gay people and don't have a visible negative viewpoint but I still worry especially that maybe my aunt will not accept this or wish I hadn't told her. I'm just really scared. The only other person who knows in my family is my cousin but I never planned to come out to my cousin, it just happened. I have never planned a coming out and even though I feel I have to come out for my own sake, I feel a bit scared.
