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Like this guy at school but not sure whether he likes me

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Reasonable, Feb 26, 2016.

  1. Reasonable

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    Hi I'm a bisexual male who has recently realised this. I have only told my sister.
    I know this sounds cliche but I've had a crush on this guy at school before I knew I was bi.
    In the past year we have become close friends. The last time he was asked about his sexuality (two months ago) he said he was straight, in front of around five people. He hasn't mentioned liking girls since then at all as well.
    It's only been since then that I've started to pick up signs from him.

    He is one of the nicest guys at school so sometimes it's hard to know whether he is just being nice or something more. I've asked some people at school whether they think he is gay or not. Most do , a few don't

    The Good signs:

    A bit stereotypical but he acts quite feminine and has quite a feminine walk

    I caught him looking at me when my back was turned and he quickly looked away

    He frequently smilies at me

    He always agrees with me

    I jokily said I was stupid and he said , "you not stupid" in a kind way

    Whenever I put my arm or foot next to his he keeps it there for about 15 seconds then moves away (don't know if this is positive or negative)

    The bad signs:

    He sometimes seems disengaged when I'm talking to him

    He sometimes rarely speaks to me first in the morning




    I was wondering whether you guys think he has a crush on me :kiss: or whether he is just being kind and gentle

    Looking forward to hearing back
     
  2. HM03

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    Perhaps try bringing up something LGBT and see how he reacts? Ideally when there isn't a bunch of people around :slight_smile:
     
  3. Reasonable

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    When someone else was being homophobic he just said ," you know there's nothing wrong with being gay". I have tried bringing stuff up when it was just us: he was quite interested in the reason people are gay.
     
  4. FelixJay

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    Okay I don't really want to like hurt you but it's 90% likely he's just a friend and he's being nice to you and you're over-analyzing (like we have to do in English grrr). If you want to go down the formal asking him out route that's an option and then you'd know whether he's interested but there's the risk of alienation. The other option is to get him to trust you more so hopefully if he needs to come out he'll confide in you. Hope this helps, the ball is really in your court :slight_smile:
     
  5. Lone Dragon

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    Maybe he isn't comfortable in his sexuality, if that indeed is the case. He may honestly be a really nice guy with some insecurities. I wouldn't try and keep bothering him about it, in my opinion. He doesn't know you're bisexual, right? So he probably wouldn't really bring it up, besides you can't really force someone to come out to you.

    Anyways I think you should just try being good friends and not over-analyze who he is all the time. Just be a good friend, he may be straight anyways.
     
  6. Calf

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    It might seem like an obvious suggestion but I think you should just ask him if he's interested in guys. I can see how that's easier said than done but it's the only way you're going to really find out. If you are asking other people questions about his sexuality and it gets back to him that you've been doing that, he may take it the wrong way.
    I know it's a scary thing to even consider doing but I also know that it works from experience. What's the worst thing that can happen? You said that he is the nicest guy you know so there is a low chance of him reacting badly. He could say no but at least you'll know. He might ask you back, if you like guys and you get an opportunity to share something important to you, with someone important to you. Even if you just tell him you're not sure, it's something you're still working out etc, that keeps the door open for him to expand the conversation now or in the future.
    What could you gain? A closer friend who knows the 'real you'. A potential relationship. At the least, an answer to your question.
    When I say ask him, I really do mean it as simply as that. "Do you like guys?". Nothing complicated or clichéd. Why complicate life if you don't have to. Don't say gay, bi, whatever because he may feel uncomfortable with identifying that way even if he does have feeling for you/guys.
    Remember, you don't have to take the conversation any further than the initial question if you don't want to. You're not committing to a grand coming out or anything like that.
    If you think that asking the question is not possible, why? I'm not trying to put the pressure on to do it but genuinely asking, why can't or won't you do it?
    Best luck
     
  7. Bella B

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    are you out to him? if you are then hint to him that youre looking for a bf, if he likes you he'll tell you. if you aren't then I, like many on this thread, suggest talking about lgbt rights more and see how he reacts
     
  8. Reasonable

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    Thanks guys for your input.
    I think you're probably right that it's nothing. Nevertheless I will try talking about somemore LGBT issues or ask him straight out if it comes up in conversation.
     
  9. Seagypsy

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    He might really like you. Some of my crushes don't always speak to me first thing in the morning, which might mean he's seeing someone and feeling guilty about it because he likes you..?
     
  10. LizSibling13

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    Hi Reasonable!! Are you out with him or to your group? If you are, ask. I mean, maybe just a double date to a movie. He could be shy...
     
  11. Reasonable

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    He is quite shy so that you could be write. I guess I was embarrassed about liking him at first
     
  12. Reasonable

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    While talking to him today I noticed he was copying my movements (presumably subconsciencly) when I was talking to him. I know I probably over analysing but could this mean anything?
     
  13. WhoAmIAlly

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    I think first you should figure out his sexuality before questioning whether he likes you or not. Are you out of the closet? If you are then I think you could talk to him about it and bring it up casually.