Hi. I want to introduce myself in short first: I live somewhere in eastern Europe, Im 19. I realized I was into boys at 13. My family looked into my messages at 15 and found out I was gay. My dad tried to kill me, and asked me to kill myself bunch of times and then my mom took me to rehab for two years. I lied them that i have changed to stop seeing the doctor. Sometime after we had a trip to Switzerland to visit my aunt that lived there, and i fell in love with a friend of my cousin, he loved me back but dumped me just before i left. I started to think that love only happens in movies and i started fucking random dudes through dating apps. I am going to university in another city now, far from them. I tried a couple other relationships to but none lasted more than a week. Each time i got my heart broken, i screwed another dude. I was addicted to the numb feeling it gave me. Beggining of this year, I decided never to have one time sex again, got my blood tested, but i was HIV poz. Too late. I cried for days after i found out. No one was going to love me again. My hope to have a ''proper'' life was crashed. I bang my head against the wall. I tried to jump in front of a train but people stopped me. I looked for way to go up a tall bridge, I couldn't. Somehow, I had a planned trip to Midwest, USA, before all these. To visit a schoolmate. I decided to give it a chance. I flew all over the ocean. It felt great, travelling always helps. I had a great time in the states. Then I met this guy. how did i meet this guy in short: I was alone at home when my friend worked. I looked into the dating app, everyone wanted to have one time things. This boy was curious and wanted to get to know me. Ginger, 21. He was already worried that i had to leave. Then we met. Liked each other very quickly. Spend most of my last two days together. Before I left, he wanted to do more than kissing, he said that was going to be his second time and i felt super awkward. I decided to talk to him about what did i learn just before I went there. I light up a cigaratte and told him the story. he hugged me, and kissed me again. I do not hate you, he said. We layed down for a a little while. I asked him if he were going to sue me, he hugged me and said no. But he felt uncomfortable a bit later and left. soon after he texted me that he still loved me and wanted me to be his boy. we decided to have a long distance relationship. What is wrong now? in short I loved him more and more as we kept chatting. He was really into me too, at least i thought so when i looked into his eyes each time in FaceTime. Somehow, there were problems when I tried to plan our summer together. He was worried each time I brought it up. Last night he talked about it. My boy was very religious Christian. He started telling me about the Bible and how we can not have a relationship, it was against everything he believed in. He said he talked to his friends about it, and they are gonna help him to stay away from demons tempting. But he still loved me and he is going to be my brother from now on. He apologized for what he did. I tried to talk to him about it, but did not work. What am I supposed to do?
Personally I think you should leave this relationship to history. If he has a struggle with faith, you may never be on the winning side. If it is pressure from his friends and family then he may never be able to prioritise you in his life. The way your parents behaved towards you is shameful but you were strong enough to keep going. Some people don't have that same level of strength. Maybe he is just making up a plausible excuse to cover for the fact that he has worries over your HIV status. If it is then do you really think it is worth pursuing if he would rather lie to you than talk about it. My suggestion is that you move on from this guy and start again. I think you need to try and spend some time falling in love with yourself again before looking for a new relationship. You are obviously a strong person, you have travelled alot and are going to University and so I presume are an interesting person, you are an honest and open person to those that deserve your trust and respect. Considering all that, why would you doubt that the right person is out there waiting for you? I think maybe because you've fallen out of love with yourself. Until you appreciate your own worth, you will continue to let the wrong people take you for granted and use you etc. Hope this is some help.
But I thought may be I could help him get out of this awkward situation. I don't think I'd have questioned my own religion if my dad didn't put his hands on my throat when I were expecting him to be understanding. It would be so easy to let him go...if I didn't fail enough already. now it's so hard to take another failure, and I really believed this boy were gonna stay like he promised. I'm also wondering why is this keeping happening to me
I don't know if there is any way to get him out of the situation. If it genuinely is a case of religious belief then you can't help him unless he asks for your help and based on what you say I honestly don't think he's in the right place. Why does it keep happening to you? Sometimes life is just tough for a while. It won't be hard forever. It will definitely get better in the future if you focus on what you really want. Being in a relationship is nice but it isn't the only way to find happiness. I feel that maybe you often feel isolated, like even when you are with other people you still feel lonely. Am I right? This guy is/was like your connection to the rest of the world but you don't have to depend on him. I also feel that the long distance element to the relationship could be encouraging you to feel detached from your life around you. I can only guess at this from what you say in your post but honestly ask yourself, do you want to save the guy more for him or for you?
Hey! I am so sorry that you had these struggles in you life, but you know what? You are not alone! 01. Your parents treated you really bad about something that no one have control: sexual desires. So don't blame yourself for that. You may be sad or disappointed, but not for the wrong reason. 02. I am terrible about relationships, so nevermind. Better read the other guy's reply xD. 03. Well, beliefs are beliefs, even if they dont make sense. Personaly I wouldn't change someone's faith, but I would argue a lot, if there's a discussion. I guess he is also having a hard time figuring out this too (once you both loved each other). Believe me, it took 14 years for me to understand it. Imagine living around religious people, homophobic friends, traditional family, hearing all the jokes about the lgbt people, that that is a "sin".... and then realizing that you are just one of them (gay, in our case)! It's pretty confusing, you've been listening and "learning" this your entire life, it just became part of personality (to deny ourselves). So this takes a lot of time for some people. I am ok to be gay now, it hasn't been like that a week before. I'm not ok about the world being so hateful towards me because of this thing. Even if it was a choice!!! So whatever you decide about this relationship, don't blame him or yourself. 04. Please take care of your health and stop thinking about the past. You can live a perfect life even being a HIV poz. The only thing I would say is, now, you need to be responsible about your sexual life. It doesnt mean you are going to be celibate, but protected, you know? Condom (also please search for the risk about non-protected oral sex). 05. Oh man. Life can be so beautiful if you tame it. I know it's hard sometimes, but try to understand that everyone would face some pain. Don't let the pain control you. You are the driver of your own life, You are not alone, you deserve to live well so love yourself and the world will bring to you someone that will love you more than yourself do. Anything else, we are here. If the sadness comes again, lay on the beach or on the park and go see the universe at night and how big it is. So are our minds. Cuz if we are here it means that...
The chat.. The facetime.. He is so different than the day before. I try to talk about how the religion is relative, he won't accept it. I hate that you guys are so right. I can't believe I'm being dumped again, and religion ruins my life. I don't even have the energy to fuck random guys now
If I told you to stop believing that the sky is blue, would you? No, because you won't change your belief without reason. He can only do it for himself. Religion hasn't ruined your life, it's ruined his. I'm glad you don't have the energy to fuck random guys now, that is not the right thing for you if you want to get your life back on track to happiness. There are billions of people on this planet so it is crazy to think you'll meet the perfect person the first time, or the second, and so on. But somewhere out there, there is a guy that wants to spend the rest of his life with you. All you have to do is get yourself ready to meet him.
Thanks for the sweet words. I actually tried a lot though. The thing is I get manipulated easily, 'i love you boy' i think we will get married(lasted 2 weeks) 'we don't have to use a condom' i think I will be okay(got highly infectious). I thought this freckles face was going to be my rainbow to come after storms, but seems like it wasn't. I need to stop needing someone. Gotta find out how to stop my family from killing me and try to be successful in friends and carrier.
Show him this article, it prooves homosexuality isn't a sin The Bible Does Not Condemn Homosexuality. Why Does Franklin Graham Not Get This?
So I stalked him further and I read the whole chat log once more. Seems like this guy spend his whole life only in extremely religious environment. Religious high school, religious university, religious summer camps. In the university page someone says ''I got kicked out because I was gay''. And he never knew the fun TV shows I mentioned, I guess he was completely isolated also from the TV. He is out to his family and a couple friends, but they only encourage him to ignore his desires, and me. I could not understand what made him desire to meet me, then keep me, but throw away short after. It is obviously bigger than I can control.
I think you're right, he is in far too deep for you to be able to 'save him' from the emotional and psychological damage his religious family and friends are doing to him. Hopefully one day he will get away from it but it's his fight, not yours. Do you think that one of the reasons that you want to help rescue him from his oppressive family is because you feel unable to save yourself from yours? One thing I've learnt in life is that family has very little to do with the blood in your veins and a lot to do with the love in your heart. I know that sounds like the start of a sickening cliché but it's true. If your own family are not good for you then you need to start building a new one. Surround yourself with people that are good for you and things can only get better.
Hi guys, I don't want to make this any longer but I really want to share... I just faked my location to his and checked the dating app. 'my boyfriend', whom dumped me for religious reasons, he was right there. I was being silly for the whole time I want all my tears back now
So it turned out the guy is just a d*ck then. At least you know you can focus on yourself now and move on from this.
Oh man, no this one was absolutely my last try I couldn't find someone as neg, this is probably the furthest I would ever get as a poz. I don't blame him, it was too much pressure on, I shouldn't have expected any better. Too healthy, too far, too horny. This should be my wake up call, I don't feel sad anymore. trust no d*ck, Ive got to get it as a tattoo. I haven't told him that I know. Any suggestions?
First of all, you have to be aware, responsible, honest and careful due to your HIV status but it isn't the end of your life. For you it was a massive shock, one day neg, next day pos, but for someone who meets you now, there I no surprise, it's just a part of who you are. Try and see it like that. I think that the kind of guys you will meet and date you, knowing your pos status will be better guys than you have met before. More mature, serious, committed etc I wouldn't even bother wasting any time contacting him to confront him. Why choose to focus on that when you could do something you enjoy instead?
