Hello EC :icon_wink, I need some advice on when is the best time to come out to my parents. So I have recently over the past month come to terms with my sexuality and I have started the process of coming out. Right now only 3 of my friends know. Next up is my sister and my parents but I am unsure when to tell them. I am not worried about telling my sister as we have an amazing relationship but I am with my parents. I do not know whether to tell them soon or wait. So here’s the thing, I have a feeling that when I tell my parents they are going to ask ‘have you kissed or had sex with a girl then how do you know for sure’. I know in myself that I am gay whether had relations with girls yet or not. From people that have been through this experience, have you told your parents before or after being with other girls/being in a relationship? On the one hand I want to tell my parents now especially my mum, who I have such a good relationship with. I rarely keep anything from her and I am afraid it would hurt her feelings if I only told her after the fact. I recently told one of my best friends that I am gay and she told me that I kind of hurt her feelings because I did not tell her when I was questioning and that I told 2 other people before her (both of which are gay). I am worried that my mum will have the same reaction as her which makes me want to tell her sooner but at the same time I do not want her to say to me that this is just a phase and kind of ignore what I am trying to tell her. I get the impression from my parents that they are not exactly for LGBTQ+, they just tolerate it. Maybe their opinions would be different once I tell them but I can’t help but be anxious. Thanks for reading. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :icon_bigg
As someone who never had the courage to tell her parents she liked other girls - knowing they would not tolerate it - I am not really in any position to offer advice. I have never had a relationship with another woman but have always known i was a lesbian. I admire you for being able to do something that I never could.
I'd suggest writing them a letter but sitting in front of them whilst they read it. In the past week I've come out to my parents, sister and a couple friends (as trans) in this way and its definitely the easiest. You're able to get down exactly what you want to say and pack in a lot of your feelings so that they know how much of a big deal this is to you. I'm almost certain your mum won't react like that. Your friend should have been more understanding that it was difficult at the time for you to accept yourself and figure yourself out and therefore didn't want anyone else involved in the process. Your mum should just be happy that you've ended up realising who you are and are happy with yourself. I suggest telling them now if you're happy with yourself and want them to know but essentially its up to you.
Regarding the specific question of "How do you know if you haven't dated?", the easiest way to deal with it is to throw it back at them. "How did you know you were straight if you hadn't dated?". My parents asked the same thing, and I threw it back at them and they had no answer (I still haven't had a relationship, regardless of gender). It's just because we're not in the norm, they instantly see it as something that needs greater scrutiny. Hopes that helps a bit, and good luck!
Thank you all very much for your advice. As I am away at university I have a few weeks before I see them again, so I have time to figure out the best option for me. I'm liking the idea of a letter though, it's option I've never really considered before.
