Depression here I come... So I’m not one to take stalk in holidays. In fact the only reason I know its Valentine’s Day tomorrow (some of you are already there, I know...) is because of all the V-day threads popping up here. And that’s fine. Celebrate! I’m happy for you. But the thing is, I was preparing myself to finally come out for the first time to my aunt (the closest thing to a friend right now). I was gearing up to do it this Saturday evening but then I find out that would be V-day! But that’s not the worst part! My grandmother (i.e. my aunt’s mum) past away one year ago on V-day! :icon_sad: And to top it all off I then find out my aunt’s spending the day commemorating her memory (which includes gathering the family to visit the cemetery). And now I’m just so conflicted. I’ve been so sure, so confident with my decision all week to confide in her and now I feel like I can’t. I mean, my aunt and grandmother were like two peas in the pod and for the past ten years (since my grandfather past away) they were each others’ Valentine; and for her to lose her mum on their special day was heartbreaking - it was the first time I ever saw her cry. Is it insensitive of me to burden her with my secret at such a fragile time? I feel like if I wait a week or even just a few days I’m gonna lose all the courage I currently have and fall back into my depression. I could really hurt myself right now because I did this to myself because I never keep track of time! Case and point: I went my whole 18th bday without realizing what day it was! :eusa_doh: So what do I do? Do I wait? Or do I still talk to her and hope for the best? :help:
just tell her sunday morning. telln her v-tine day doesnt sound lik a good idea. u think u can wait lik 12 hours after when u planned on telling her? good luck!(*hug*)
Here's the thing, and maybe I shoulda mentioned it above: I've sorta got OCD so when I get something in my head, I tend to fixate on it obsessively...sometimes to the point where it 'freezes' me to the spot for minutes, even hours, where I can't do anything but focus on that one train of thought. Example: when I go to bed at night and I set my alarm - I can spend anywhere from 5mins to an hour checking, rechecking and then checking again to make sure my clock is set for the right time...its insanely frustrating because sometimes I'm aware of it (and can't stop myself) and other times I'm not aware of it at all until it hits me that an hour's gone by and I'm still doing it.... The point is, coming out to my aunt is one of those situations. I've told myself I'm doing it, and now I'm going to continue to play every possible scenario in my head over and over and over and over and over and over until I finally do it...and I'm thinking waiting even 12 hours is too long....(I've "pulled" myself out of one of my OCD moments before and it ended badly.) Argh! I just wish I could clear my head once in awhile!
I think it all depends on how your aunt will react. Does she have a problem with gay people? Dont get me wrong, I totally get the OCD thing, Im like that with some things too. So just keep telling yourself, and preparing yourself just in case an opportunity does come up. But if she is having a really rough day, I honestly think it would be best to wait. However you do it, Im sure it will be okay. Good luck to you.
I guess it'd depend on how the day went. I don't have a good "grasp" on how this day might go, but let me pick a totally opposite example. My family tends to get together for Christmas. Usually, this means church in the morning, gift opening after that, brunch, some family time in the afternoon, and a family dinner. Sounds like a full day. But there's that "family time in the afternoon". During that time, we might do anything - watch TV, play board games, play in the snow, go take a nap - or nothing at all. So I could picture telling a family member something important during that "downtime", without it really interfering with the day. So depending on how your day goes, maybe you can talk to her about it. You'll have to get her alone, and I think you'd have to set it up right. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for awhile, but I haven't really had a good opportunity. Hope you don't mind if it's now." Lex
I know how you feel StrataScribe. I plan to come out to my parents next weekend. The wait and the anticipation is killing me right now. I don't have OCD but i know that with me that once I have something set I want to get it over with. What ever you do good luck. (*hug*)(*hug*)
Yeah, I think Lex's advice will work. Right now is maybe not a good time to have a 'conflict' with your OCD, so make it today but judge the 'mood' of your aunt a little carefully first - I guess she may be a little fragile as this is only the first anniversary of your grandma's death. How do you feel about it being one year since your grandma died? Are you leaving yourself some space to express your own feelings about her? It might help ease any potential tension you may feel, when you are talking to your aunt, if you tell her how you personally miss the relationship you had with your grandma (if you think that would be appropriate). Hope it works out for you, take care. Kayar.
So right now, we've sort of just entered that downtime stage - Lex you're good! The day's so far been ok. And surprisingly, everyone's in a good mood. Even my OCD has been in check all day! I've kinda been forcing myself not to think about my problems...until now that is. My relationship with my grandmother was an interesting one as I often found myself acting as caregiver - she had an aneurysm 8-9 years ago which led to numerous strokes that left her completely paralyzed (with the exception of her left arm, which was already severely crippled by arthritis). She lived with my family (including my aunt who I still live with) after her paralysis as she required 24 hour care. So really, I think my whole family, including myself, is relieved she no longer has to suffer. My relationship with my aunt is somewhat different from your typical aunt-newphew relationship. I see her as a close friend. Not an aunt. I've spent the last 8-9 years living with her, seeing her and talking to her everyday - she's even told me on a few separate occassions that I was her best friend. I'm not sure if she was trying to boost my confidence because she knows I don't socialize with others too well but I know she'd be ok with me being gay (she's only ever made a few questionable comments towards gays in the past but overall she's pretty gay-friendly). I'm just so conflicted though whether or not today would be the right time.....I guess I'm not gonna know until the time either comes or goes..... Gotta go, just wanted to thank everyone for your advice.
Hey StrataScribe, I don't think I can add any advice that hasn't already been said, but I just thought I'd wish you luck telling your aunt today and I'm sure everything will work out. Let us know how everything goes.
