I am EXTREMELY confused. Seriously. I have many issues with my sexuality and judgementalism and I think that's the problem but I am not sure. Okay, do most or a decent portion of homosexual's refer to each others as "hey fag, sup queer, hey homo!" ? I do, but now I think I should stop. Its moreso a word of endeavor rather than rudeness...Sorry gonna get in trouble for saying this, but I am black too so I can; Heya nigga? Its the same to me so I dont quite see the problem but a gay person got in my face REALLY bad on the bus when I said that to my straight friend. And actually, I was very much kidding. Me being black, 6"7, and giving him the "WTF you going to do?" face kinda saved me from any confrontation...but you never know what someones thinking... I also dont quite like being around other gays....I always feel out of place. I actually got BANNED from the Queer Straight Alliance at my college becuz I called a recruiter who physically touched me, "Dont touch me faggot." Hey, physical contact is FAR to friendly with me with somone of my same sex. ( I am gay) I never feel right in gay society...so to speak. Is that normal? Anyone else have this issue? Am I broken somehow? Can a homosexual have homophobia...? I HATE gay lisps... HATE effeminate bodily language from guys HATE the rainbow stuff that fluffs up around me HATE the superficiality of gay men too...Like you cant get a decent man unless you look like a living Adonis which is completely retarded. Not EVERY GAY man looks like an Ambercrombie model... If it helps, I am extremely straight acting...and I prefer it my business otherwise stereotypes and rumors spread about me that are out of proportions. Thanks in advance. And I appologize in advance if I caused anyone to be offended, it was not my intent.
No i get what you mean, but essentially being gay is about what you are attracted to rather than where you 'fit' in. I'm not at all a scene gay, which is why the majority of my friends are straight men or women, but it doesn't change the fact i find guys attractive. I understand that some effeminate men can be bitchy and annoying, but not all are, so it's wrong to stereotype as you well know. As far as my perspective is concerned, I see us all as individuals, and so i give everyone a chance regardless of gender, orientation, race...etc we're just people, and some you'll get on with, and others you won't, be yourself, avoid labels, and give everyone an equal chance and you'll probably find yourself a lot better off x
Really, I feel so out of place. Ive tried and TRIED giving gay men chances but they always blow up in my face. I think the problem with straight acting men like you and I are they're TOO straight acting that I cant FIND them. XD And I cant go to gaybars, im not old enough...though I dont want to meet them there. I want a natural friend you meet like your neighbor or something...Is that a lot to ask for? lol No but seriously...I get like EXTREME homophobia around them. I always feel they're looking at me too. (50/50) I dont mean to but I just act rude to them somehow. I dont even mean to it just happens. I think im turning into a homophobe extremist sometimes. >_<) I even hear "They're your people man, why you so rude?" Thats why I said Ifeel so confused. Perhaps I'm a straight guy who just likes guys? I dunno. Soo Its late at nite I should probably stop rambling. TTYL
Ive heard of other gay people not "prefering" effeminate guys, but i dont seem to re-call any other gay people using the word "HATE" in caps lock about it o_o Im personally one of "those" types of gays, not the superficiality (im looking for someone i click with not someone i drool over) but everything else. I think what might be happening is your buying into the media and propaganda about gay culture and gay personality. Not all gays are super buff sex-addicted guys in rainbow spandex running down the streets waving rainbow flags or anything. The media often paints a horrible picture. It might help if you just get to know alot of other gay people, femmy ones too, so that you can see everyone is unique and everyone is just as human as you and deserves the same level of respect and love as the next guy. No one is going to fit perfectly in to your category you set up in your mind. Break the phobia by getting to know some of "us" If you want to talk, im always open. Like i said, i consider myself quite the "stereotyped gay man". Just drop me a wall post or whatever And yes, i do think you need to overcome the feelings towards certain gay people your feeling because its very important to be accepting. If you dont accept others, you really dont have a right to ask for acceptance yourself.
Hey just hang around here and join in ,talk to us and your find friends and realise that we are all human. Ithink that your still having trouble coming to terms with yourself and it does take time ,I alway refered to my self as queer for years yes I knew I liked men, but there was a defensive self hate going on ,and I dont like being touched unless I invite someone to. So just give yourself time talk to others and see how you get on .
Yeah, it seems to me that you perhaps have a bit of an internal conflict going on here; and it's not your fault. I would say that the conflict is between you as a gay man, and you as a product of your relatively young age and your community 'youth culture' (that's not a criticism - honest). Your ways of expression with phrases like "Fag", "Queer", "Homo", etc.; I'm assuming are more as a result of your learning from your social environment rather than because of any particular opinions that you have. Unfortunately, these are expressions which other (perhaps older) people can frequently find deeply offensive; even though you may not have intended to offend. The trouble is that if someone doesn't yet know you very well, they will assume you meant to offend! This you have already found out. The only way you are going to be able to make any difference here is to 'temper' your current free expression, and to observe what others find acceptable or offensive far more than you have been doing; and to consider 'adjusting' what you say when in their company. This doesn't have to feel inhibitive, and can have the beneficial effect of 'opening doors' that otherwise would have been slammed firmly in your face! You appear also to need to try to relax a lot more than you have been doing so far. I accept that nobody has the right to 'touch' you inappropriately, but if you continue to feel that every 'touch' of your body is an 'invasion' then you are leaving no room in the future for you to enjoy intimacy with someone you may feel highly attracted to. I worry about that, but you have time to get more comfortable with who you are and who you're attracted to. However, you will at some time need to decide if you're prepared to 'let someone in' or not; to perhaps allow you to enjoy a warm relationship or maybe to satisfy any sexual desires that you have. I can't know your exact situation or that of your environment and community, so I do apologise if any of this has been irrelevant or inaccurate; but I hope it helps. Good luck, Kayar. X
Oh yes it is very possible for gay people to be homophobic. I am very very homophobic. I feel extremely uncomfortable around gay people a lot of the time. I feel like the outlier a lot too. You aren't broken and from what I hear it's a pretty common thing to feel that way. It's like anything else, it isn't going to go from homophobia to complete embracement over night you just have to work on it little by little. That's what I do.
Oh, okay. That's good to hear Midnight Angel. I was beginning to think I was the only one. I know I am not supposed to care about what others say behind my back but I just don't want to be labeled "gay." Why? Because the stereotypes fall in quickly and in a college town, it leads to many...undesirable situations. And from LoveisLove "I think what might be happening is your buying into the media and propaganda about gay culture and gay personality. Not all gays are super buff sex-addicted guys in rainbow spandex running down the streets waving rainbow flags or anything. The media often paints a horrible picture." Perhaps I am letting it influence me too much but I think its personal peerage disapproval that scares me. Not just that...sometimes...Well, heres a good example. Seen this couple, guy and girl, making out at the bus stop. Okay, it was totally getting my jollies off...but then after further inspection....it was two chicks. I was totally grossed out. (Maybe the vagina thing? Mental image of how..they....yeah...) But I was also very angry because that seems to just fuel terrible negativity that gets tossed my way. I KNOW not ALL homosexual people male or female are sex driven hounds...but the ones here in Oregon act like it... Here everyone is so goddamn liberal and the gay population seems to try and rival that of LA. -_- And I've LIVED in LA. I just don't want to be associated with those stereotypes is all. I mean if someone asks me if Im gay, now, I respond yes. I live on a dont ask dont tell premise. I used to say I wasnt gay, denial. But now I'm not so afraid. The last two places I lived you could get hurt for saying it. But back in a big city its not so bad...especially here in Eugene where everyone has a gay relative it seems. And as to the rainbow spandex flag waving.... Have you even BEEN to Oregon? . . . They do that. One of the clubs around here even has a slogan "Taste the rainbow" like skittles. -_- And finally to Kayar: I try to relax, I really do. I don't like my personal bubble broken though. I don't mind if its a friend or coworker trying to get my attention...or a really hot guy, (then hell yeah). But, I dunno. He was gay and OBVIOUSLY so with a rainbow bracelet and beads in his pony tail. (dont ask) Like I said, I think I just overreacted but I wasnt sure. I don't have many problems with female homosexuals, at least not as much as men. Im trying, honestly. I dont want to be this way its just theres something there that makes me instictually distrust them. Not to mention here, they're all the worst stereotypes come true...though that may be due to college setting. I've had partners but never really found a bf type. Had them come on to me but I always decline. Lust should not be confused with love--is one of my motto's. This does worry me though. Im afraid i'll commit some random act of genocide or something...though thats a bit farfetched. Im no KKK but still...hate crimes are very serious here. This is a town of tollerance. And the gay community is somewhat large here, though not really diverse. Everyone knows one another and again, I feel I don't fit because I never went to HS here. I graduated in North Dakota. I don't have any gay friends either. I HAD one but he was too much of a parasite. (Sorry, there is no good examples) I don't know how to meet them either...and walking up to them is challenging for me. Around here, if you do that you will likely get taken to bed which is definitely not what I want. I guess im worried about sending mixed signals. The only guys I dont have issues with are Bi. And I think that's because they still act straight even though they're heteroflexible. Bi people here are a dime a dozen but they're also hard to come by. >_<) Happy V-day to you all. Was going to volunteer at the local Asian Celebrasion but I dont feel up to it. Had a particularly rough night. (I think thinking about this kept me up all night. I stayed up to three which NEVER happens) But I may just be Jones'n. TTYL And not just he guys I mentioned but thanks for any and ALL advice given.
Welcome to EC! >>>I never feel right in gay society...so to speak. Is that normal? Anyone else have this issue? Am I broken somehow? Can a homosexual have homophobia...? Easy answer - yes. A lot of what you're experiencing isn't uncommon for guys either in the closet, or just coming out. There's a tendency to look down on the more effeminate gay guys. Partially because they feel that they're to blame for all the homophobia in the world. ("If you'd just stop acting like GIRLS, people wouldn't hate us!") Partially out of fear - that once you fully embrace your sexuality, that you may end up being more like that. How do you get beyond it? Just get to know more gay people. You may have burned some bridges when you pulled the "Don't touch me, faggot" routine. It's one thing to not like your personal bubble encroached, but drop the name-calling. And start working on the realization that straight-acting homosexuals aren't inherently superior to femmy ones. Your best bet may to go back the alliance, hat in hand, and apologize for what you said. Lex
