Hey all! To start with I should probably say that I care too much about what other people think especially if I don't know them. Even now typing this I feel like I need to be careful with what I say so that people don't get the wrong impression and I already know that I don't need to here. I'm going to try and say what I am actually thinking as opposed to the lie coated version my mouth spits out. I think I have finally "decided" on what my sexuality is after hanging out here for a while and staying under the radar after my first few posts. I guess its more of a coming to terms with it. However, I feel lonely a lot of the time. I've tried to find a place where I can meet people, make friends and maybe be able to develop a relationship with someone but its hard for me as I don't really know how to be myself anymore. I am very shy before I get to know people so I come across as someone who isn't confident, which is actually true, but I get a lot less guarded once I know someone a little better. I am the kind of person that will be crazy and fun when only in the company of my friends, but once I get out in public I'm very quite and reserved and I try to be unnoticed. Anytime I meet someone that is gay I start freaking out and think about ways to make it work out (assuming I like them) and if it actually does start to work out, then I start thinking of the ways it won't work out. Not because I don't want it to work out, but because I start thinking about what happens when I expose myself to the public eye. I feel horrible for thinking this way, but I really just have no idea to stop it. I want to be independent, confident with who I am, and just not care what other people think but I just don't know how. Well, I think I got the point I wanted to across, and I didn't delete the post like I felt like doing this whole time while writing it. God I'm so insecure... :dry:
Hello and welcome , your not alone in those feelings .You say you have been here awhile then you most likely have read similar postings http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20683 or this one http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?p=416792#post416792 All I can say is join in on here and learn to like yourself , I'm still trying feel free to wall me if you want to talk , rant ,wail or scream we have all been there believe me . take care mate and look to the positive of life it's better than the dark side :smilewave
I think you did a good job too. I am the same way in that I am always thinking about what people are saying/thinking about me. I always feel like I need approval of other people. Its not something that can change in just one day. It really starts with yourself. You have to be willing to accept that yes, you are different. Once your are okay with yourself, and you find confidence in yourself it wont matter what other people think or say. I am very shy too, until I get to know someone on a more personal level, mostly because I dont want to say the wrong thing around them and I dont like to be judged by people who do not know me, but I dont think thats possible, thats just the world we live in today. When you find someone that you like, and they like you too, dont try to think of reasons why it wouldnt work out. The person that you date/befriend will like you for who you are and hopefully not judge you. Just be yourself! Having confidence is all about the attitude you have in life. Be positive in all aspects of life. Sorry if this doesnt make any sense..it did inside my head. :icon_bigg
i think the best u can do is one day just let yourself go! just forget everything tats going on. say hi to anyone tat looks at u. smile lik u just won the lottery. b crazy act crazy and laugh and hav fun! dont think about wat ppl might b saying about u or thinking about u. dont b invisible. i kn wat its lik to b invisible. at times im just transparent. and it feels horrible. so just mak yourself b seen and act the way u wud wit ur friends but just act tat way wit everyone. if something is supposed to b funny laugh! if ppl r talking to u talk! dont just crawl in a hole. i do tat on occasions. not a good idea. i dont really know wat im saying so listen to me if u understand but if u dont then just ignore it! lol so i doubt i help but anyway hope u break out of ur shell!
Thanks for the advise and friendly comments everyone. Your posts made a lot of sense to me and I'll try and let you know it all goes. I did understand your post Sarah because I have done that every once in a while and I love it. Not really sure why I can do that sometimes and other times I'm just so nervous about what other people think. Guess I have to work on it.
lol. YAY! many ppl dont hav a clue wat im ever saying, lol. u can sometimes b crazy? well tats fine! u shudnt act crazy all the time. then ppl will think ur REALLY crazy lol
Haha, yeah. My friends and I like to call ourselves crazy and the fact that we all get along is because we are all so crazy, so maybe in this case its a good thing?
lol. YA! tats a way good thing! lol. me nd my besty(bffz!!!) r sooooo crazy! my parents just stare at us in awe cuz they totally dont understand us. lol. nd we just gigle lik all the time. lol. if u say me my besty and my cousin together ud just b laughing at us. lol
Hey Welcome to EC. I sort of act the opposite when i am around a a gay person, i try hard to not come across as gay, so weird, but i do. Youre not insecure, your just figuring it out. One thing that everyone has told me here is to just work on myself first before trying to worry about all the other things, and they will just fall into place. So i have been trying to do just that. And it helps a bit. You also made a big first step by posting, becaise the more i post i find the more relaxed i get. Its like a journal or diary that talks back . So just take your time, and you'll be ok. Again welcome, and happy valentines day.
Thanks for the advice limfjord96. That actually makes a lot of sense. Over the last couple days I've been trying to follow some of the advice here and I actually feel more like myself which is great. Some of my friends took me to a dance club and when I first got there I was terrified of making a fool of myself so I kinda just stood around and watched what other people were doing. Needless to say that got me bored pretty quick so I basically said screw it and had fun. It took a while to get to the point where I was just doing whatever I wanted, but I eventually got there and I had a blast.
