This is my first time, being a part of a community that welcomes all genders and sexuality... so, here goes; My name is Erik, I am 21 years old, and I am a closet trans man. Although I have touched on the subject lightly with my mother, she has no idea really what is going on. She more or less thinks that I just enjoy "cross dressing"... In my immediate family, it is just my mother, my older brother, and my 5 year old son... Which is one of the reasons I am closet; It feels more simple to explain to a family member what is going on inside me (when I have imagined doing so) than to explain these things to my son. To be quite honest, when I think about him knowing... It terrifies me. Would he hate me, if I came out? Would he not want anything to do with me, or feel like I "took his mom away"? As messed up as it may sound to people, his happiness means more to me than my own. Yet... I feel lost. Have any of you had to go through a similar situation, and if so, how'd you get yourself through it? Did you transition.? Please, any help, advice, or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, to all whom have read through this.
Let me start off by saying I am not a parent, however, I do have cousins around 5 years old and from my general knowledge about children as young as your son, I can say they're normally open-minded because they're still growing. If they see their parents are accepting of someone/something or does something themselves, due to being impressionable, they don't usually see things wrong with it. On the downside, other parents and his peers could say things, which I understand is a major concern for any parent, but it also depends on how out you want to be and how far you want to transition. And honestly, for children, this kind of news varies on whether it's best to tell them at your son's age or as a tween or teenager when they have a better understanding of life. However, during the teen years, you could endure more retaliation than now. Your son may not get it at first either way, but there's several routes you can take. You can be patient a little longer and casually now and then drop your support for the LGBTQ+, emphasize how important it is that he is accepting of the community, so if or when you do come out to him later on, he might not feel as confused or upset. During this process you could also find a therapist, see if you can get help from them to help you work through this and figure out how to talk to your son about it, as well as your other family members. I can say though that it is imperative for the parent to be just as happy as their children. Especially with his age, he'd be able to sense something might be off and maybe not realize it until he gets older, and if you're secretly struggling and lost or miserable, there's a high chance he's going to know and it will affect him mostly in a negative way; unless he's a really precocious mentally and knows how to manuever around that at a young age. Of course don't just take my opinions. Other parents' opinions are important or a therapist, but you both need to be happy. You don't have to do everything at once if you're still not comfortable, but making a list of your options and figuring out which would be the best route to go would be a great start. Also, being that you're the parent, you are biased and worried about your son's judgment and misunderstand, which is normally, but you might be fretting too much because you are so concerned about unbalancing him. Maybe if you can get another relative to understand what you're going through and then asking them if they think you should talk about it with your son now or later. But also remember good communication is key in EVERY relationship. :icon_razz Best regards, Erik. And welcome to EC! :welcome:
Thank you for the advice, as you pose a lot of good points. My wishes were to have a full transition, which is why I know it'd be difficult on a lot of people in my life... Yet I will carry forth with your suggestion of talking more with my therapist and go from there. Baby steps, yeah? Thank you.
xErikx: Welcome to EC. I have a 5 year old brother and yes, he knows that I am a MtF teen. He does dress up in dresses, too, so it isn't a big deal in my family. My boyfriend, who I know from first grade, has a 3 year old and he calls me his second mommy. He calls Jake (his brother) his daddy. I think you should first tell your mom, then your brother then your son. Do you do any father son things with him, like fishing?
