My parents read my coming out letter! You'd think it would be all happy sunshine and rainbows like when I came out as bi, right? Not exactly... First off, they support me being non-binary, let me get that clear. They have no problem with it at all. What they have a problem with is using my pronouns, they/them. My mum said she and my dad will try, but she doesn't feel comfortable with it because she only knows 'they' as a 'plural' pronouns, which I tried to explain is not only plural and it can also be singular. I also made the mistake of mentioning that I was looking at chest binders, which sparked a debate on why some people needed to bind their chest, my mum using the argument that 'we need to learn to be more comfortable in our bodies'. Idk, I just feel like I'm stuck between a rock and getting my mum (and possibly my dad) to understand everything. Anyone have any advice?
Explain that binder will help you feel a little bit better in your body? Give them time with the pronouns. Give them time with everything. How about watching The Danish Girl with your parents? It's not ideal but it's good enough.
The pronoun thing will probably just take some time. If you spend all your life using the 'regular' pronouns without even thinking about it, you can't just switch from one moment to the next.
It can be difficult for parents and we need to be patient and give them time to adjust to new ways of thinking. It's very frustrating for us, when all we want is love and acceptance, but we need to try to see things from their point of view. We can't just hit them with it and expect them to say "okay then, that's cool". Sometimes it happens like that, but in the overwhelming majority of cases parents need to work through their own thoughts and feelings about our identity or sexuality. Try to remain calm and do your best to answer their questions and concerns in a calm, measured and coherent way, even if they do seem strange or silly. If you can demonstrate that you have thought things through it will help a lot, but if you become upset or angry it will have the reverse effect and may lead them to doubt and question you even more. Try to point them to useful resources of help, advice and support. Are there any organisations in your country that can assist them in understanding? Are there any books or information leaflets that they can read? If you simply tell them what you think and feel and expect them to just deal with it, it's going to be hard for them, but if you can be pro-active and work through it with them it can and should be so much easier. Don't just leave them to it -- you understand all these issues and they don't.
They/them pronouns are pretty new in society, I've only really heard them being used over the past 2 years or so, so parents are going to have even less of a grasp of them. Like others have said, give them time to adjust, maybe bring it up in a few days or so when they've got their heads around it a bit. If you can, explain exactly how pronouns make you feel, I know that when you put a lot of emotion into what you're saying it can really hit home for the people that care for you and when they see how much of an impact them using the right pronouns might be it'll cause them to try harder. Maybe show them videos of people using they/them pronouns? What I've found to be a good way of explaining is when you're talking to someone about someone you don't know and you say something like "oh yeah, they were sat on the bench over there eating their sandwhich". If you don't know their gender so you sub in neutral pronouns, we all do it we're just not aware of it usually. About the binder, I'd find some information on them to show that they're not damaging and attempt to find one from a decent site like GC2B or underworks (both of which I can vouch for being amazing). Again, explain to her how it feels for you to have a flat chest and that it feels right, like your body is how you want it to be. Try to compare it to something she can relate to like high heels, why do people wear high heels if they hurt so much? To make them taller, right? or make up? We all have things that serve as comfort blankets. I brought my first binder and told my parents I was binding in my coming out letter so they didn't really have a say in the matter. If there's any way you could buy your own first binder (or apply for the MORF binder scheme if you really can't afford it?) then that might be the easier option at the moment.
