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For any OUT FTM trans ppl... I Could use the advice...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Crazierthanmost, Mar 4, 2016.

  1. Crazierthanmost

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    I came Out as a lesbian 20 years ago. I decided that would be easier on family, than trying to explain that I have NEVER felt like I belonged in this body.
    And to top it off, I started using heroin because it helped the anxiety I experienced from knowing that this, probably, wasn't who I was meant to be... It also helped me to numb who I was inside... On Oct 6 2014, I was my first day of sobriety, and I have been sober ever since. Lately, that feeling of hatred tword who I am on the outside, and fear of being judged and loosing everone and everything I love and hold dear because of who I feel like on the inside, has been getting difficult to keep quiet, and I feel like I'm starting to unravel at the seams. You see, I have found and hit rock bottom, and I have built myself up from there. I feel like I have a good life, although it's difficult to be happy about it most of the time. I have a wonderful, loving, beautiful, partner. And I love her with every fiber of my being. I have my mom back into my life, and after everything I have done to her and put her through, I really don't deserve her. She made so many sacrifices to raise me and my younger brother, entirely on her own. I have 2 Fur babies (cats) that I love so much and the look up to me as if they adore me. And I have my truck back together, piece my piece, and I enjoy tinkering on it. For a lot of ppl, that doesn't sound like much, but for me, it's as close to perfect as I have been in a VERY very long time.
    Here is my questions, what did you do when you came? Did you loose everyone and everything that means anything to you?
    Would you have changed anything?
    And, if I do decide to come out, what is the process? Did you just talk to your regular primary care doctor? Is that where you start?
     
    #1 Crazierthanmost, Mar 4, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2016
  2. Kiran

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    Location:
    EU
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Not exactly completely out still. I'm out to friends not family. Haven't lost no one yet. My friends feel closer to me than family so even if my lgbtphobic family shuns me out I won't loose my important people. There is an alcoholic problem in my family and that's also a source of my problems with transitioning, coming out and all that stuff. I'm working on this now too.
    My parents know me as a bisexual woman but they pretend the topic doesn't exist and they just hope I'll finally settle up with a man and have children (they don't accept the fact that I don"t want children). I know this will be a shock for my parents and grandparents. I know that my well being is more important than living lies (did that for several years) but still scared of loosing family (codependence).That was what held me off from facing the reality for years. But know I think it won't be as bad and I was just overreacting. That's because when I more openly adopted male accessories/clothing and unisex hairstyle nothing bad happened. I got praises about my looks from this transphobic family who is so obsessed on me being feminine. I have a plan. I'm doing small steps.
    I have my bi coming out by accident so now I have to plan it. I'm seeing an lgbt-friendly psychologist (ngo) to help me cope with the coming out to parents. I started transitioning with a visit to a sexuologist (public healthcare), but I'm obviously living in another country.
    If you want to know the way to start transition, you should look up websites, there are some of them giving advices etc.
     
  3. Crazierthanmost

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    Thank you for taking the time and sharing all of that with me. I've been doing the, "taking small steps" also for the last 5 years. My mom has never known me to be femine in my ENTIRE life. When I was 3, she tried to but a dress on me for pictures, I threw a horrible fit. It was so bad that she just let me wear what I wanted. Jeans and t-shirt, naturally. I came out as being a lesbian 20 years aago, I'm about to be 37. I still just didn't feel right in my skin, and about 5 years ago, realized that I'm transgender. I'm simply in the WRONG body. Its been a serious, source of stress. I still make comments and hint at it, but every so ofter, they say things like, well I don't understand why you have such an aversion to being a woman. Or my partner has even said, if I wanted to be with a man, I would be with a man. I want to be with a woman. And when I hear those things, the closet I started to poke my head out of to see if things were ok yet, I hide back in it. Deciding that now is still not a good time to come out as a man. I'm at a point where I just think it's too late for me now to transition, and I'm starting to accept this reality, and the reality that it may not be good for my health the longer that I wait...
    It would appear that life has passed me by, because, even while living as a lesbian, I still wasn't true to my AUTHENTIC self... I suppose that this might be as good as it gets for me...
     
    #3 Crazierthanmost, Mar 6, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2016
  4. Kiran

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm 35 now. Knowing about being bi and somewhere on T spectrum for the past 20 years. As for trans I have been looking for a long time for my identity. I was transgender/agender for years before shutting it off and living as a woman (more or less) for several years.
    I had the thoughts of "too late" but on the other hand it's not too late to be yourself. I'm too tired. My friend told me about ftm who transitioned as 40+. I won't wait that long, I'm already at my limits, especially with the family wanting me to be a woman.
    Of course cis people won't understand why we feel badly about this since they are ok with their bodies.
    I learned twice in my life that being with a person who doesn't accept you is a bad idea. One was het guy one was les (but she knew I'm ftm and there was something between us anyway). I agree with your gf. I'm a man so I don't want to be seen through my body. My dysphoria hardly allows any contact. I feel better now that I broke up with the les. I'm more happy as a single but we will remain friends.
    Those years that I tried to be cis were far too stressful. I already know that coping with it for somebody else doesn't work. I know that being seen as a woman is too stressful. So I know that I don't have a choice and transition now. I don't want to be pitiful. There is never a good time for transition. Something will always be wrong. Now I'm unemployed and looking for work. Almost no money left but I push forward. I need to start the transition now. Actually I already started (as well as taking care of other problems) and I finally feel as I'm taking the control of my life. Feels great.
    What helps me are my friends. Some are cis some are trans. Some I know for years, some I met in the past months when I dropped the act. And I feel great for being accepted fir who I am. The normal things like using my name or being called a guy (we have more than pronouns to indicate sex of somebody) is a big deal. I know I wouldn't be able to get to the place where I am without them. They made so many things easier and showed me another perspective because I so overthink everything it's scary.
    Come out to whoever you want whenever you want but do come out and live YOUR life.
     
  5. Crazierthanmost

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    Hey, thanks again for taking the time out to talk to me. I haven't even come out to any one that I know and i don't know you and you are the first person that I have officially come out to.
    I have been looking into natural transitining, because I fwel that the change will subtle, or enough so that know you will notice too much,
     
  6. demigodjay

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    Wow... I wish I could help you but I don't really have experience in that field as I'm only out to my parents and I'm 13 but I wish you luck in the future.