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do i tell a homophobic mom i hav a gf?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by carrie90, Feb 15, 2009.

  1. carrie90

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    i hav been seeing my gf 4 about 2 and a half months and yesterday she told me she loved me and i told her i loved her which is true i do love her. But this morning she told me she doesnt want our relationship 2 b a secret anymore like it has been 4 the past 2 months and she wants 2 tell ppl. Im not ashamed of her and im a little scared 2 tell my friends but i think i can do that but how do i tell my mom

    She is the most racist homophobic person i hav ever met its not her fault shes from a very different time shes 70 this year (im adopted 2 anybody wondering) anyway she is always making homophobic comments and in her words "gay ppl shoud be strung up"

    I dont want Frankie 2 fink im ashamed of her or our relationship but i dont kno what 2 say 2 my mom if we tell our friends my mom will find out eventually and i dont wanna risk losing my gf by keeping her secret
     
  2. littledinosaurs

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    Tell your girlfriend you can't come out to you mom, if shes that homophobic it doesn't sound safe for you and your gf should understand that.
     
  3. Lukee

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    ^I second that.
    Because if she's saying things like 'all gays should be strung up', she could do something to you? I'm not sure exactly because it could be dangerous?
     
  4. biisme

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    Does she actually know anyone who is homosexual?
     
  5. GlindaRose

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    Tell your friends if you think you can. But don't tell your mum, as like the posters above said, you're not in a safe enough position to do so. If you've got a good girlfriend she will understand that.
     
  6. Stuie

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    I don't think you're really in a safe position to tell your mum, but I'd also be a little cautious around other homophobic people who may be your friends or who may possibly find out.
    There's a huge wealth of resources around the internet for people in the same position as you. You've found EC, which is great! You're already on your way! :slight_smile:
     
  7. carrie90

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    i dont kno if im in danger wiv her cuase i dunno if she wud hurt me but she would probally disown me
     
  8. ccdd

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    Hi! Do you live at home and are you financially dependent upon her? Are you planning to go to college, and will you need her support? Do you have anyone else other than your girfriend for support? What about extended family - do you have any, are you out to them, and are they supportive? - Remember, you have to think about your long-term future.

    It's your decision, but I'd urge caution. It might be possible (although potentially dangerous) for you and your girlfriend to be out to everyone, or some other people, but not your mum. But I would be very careful, and your girlfriend should understand that this is as much about what's best for you as what she wants. And I'm sure you and your girlfriend are very much in love, but if your mum reacts badly then it would be a really big pressure on your relationship, and you'd have to be sure you could deal with that.

    I'm really happy you're happy with your girfriend, but sorry you're in this position. I hope things work out.
     
  9. carrie90

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    ye i go 2 college next year im not finnancially dependant on her cause i got money left 2 me in my dads will but it not about money shes my mom and i just wanna make her happy
     
  10. katie

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    heya, im going thru a similar thing: my mom's homophobic, and i have a new gf.

    yeah i can understand u wanting to make her happy, but i agree withthe other posters above; i dont think u should tell ur mom. i reckon u should talk with ur gf, get her to understand what ur mom thinks...she should underatand and not pressure u into telling ppl who u feel wont agree with ur sexuality.

    sorry, that wasnt worded right.

    maybe u could try to bring the subject up with ur mom...im not sure how, but see if u can find out why she's homophobic...i know my mom is cos of her religion. if u can find the reason, then maybe u can find a remedy.

    or...move to China?
    lol joke.

    much love
    x
     
  11. Louise

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    If it is a question of keeping your mum happy then you need to take things slowly and not just announce out of the blue that you have a gf. That would be a huge shock for your mum. Maybe you could start by talking about homosexuality in a general way saying that you have some great friends that are homosexual and tell her a little bit about their lives so that they become real people to her with normal everyday problems and not some scary alien people that need to be 'strung up'.

    Most racism or homophobia is caused by lack of education and fear of the unknown. If your mum doesn't know any gay people and only knows what she has heard or seen on the tv of course she can't have an informed opinion.

    Talk to your gf, explain the situation and start working gently on your mum to educate her so that eventually you will be able to tell her the truth, there is no point jumping in with both feet and uspetting your mum more than necessary.
     
  12. Alex19

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    your mom's 70? wow that is old school... i wouldnt tell her. but if theres anyone else to tell, who u think will b more accepting/supportive, go for it.
     
  13. carrie90

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    just an update me an my gf just got accepted to a college in ohio so we movin there later this year, we decided just to keep things 2 ourselves 4 another few months an then 2 make a totally fresh start away from montana so im gud now :slight_smile:
     
  14. jangel

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    I do think being in Love is the Only reason to come out because then you know its real. That was my motivation. My mother has very similar views so I completely understand (I am lucky my dad was really cool...said "yeah you should have told us earlier" I was shocked because I thought no one knew I mean I am a lipstick LOL but chances are they have a clue). I have been out for 7 years and mom said dyke last week and again we are arguing about that! The problem is once you come out to people it is bound to get to your mom...and that is scary not knowing when she will find out.l I think you need to be in control of when she finds out. My suggestion is to come out to a responsible adult in your life and make plans to come out to your mom..maybe with someone there with you...have a plan in case things go bad...a ride ..and a place to stay..then do it. You know as bad as my mother acts she was not as bad as I expected...no hitting or yelling...just crying. She has some hostility now but it has improved since I first came out. Your brain in thinking worst case scenario... but again you need to prepare and make sure you are safe too....because you never know how someone will react. I promise it gets easier and at least you have someone who loves you and you love back that is a blessing on its own. I hope this helps some...Good luck I will say a prayer for you. -Jen
     
  15. jangel

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    Congrats on the college acceptance..I wish you and yor gf the best..I am glad you and she came to an agreement on a plan of action...good luck
     
  16. LyraLissa

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    Sounds like your on your way to a better situation- but one thing to keep in mind is that you don't want her to find out through someone else- so if you don't want her to know, be careful who you tell.
    Best of luck, and I'm glad you're happy!
    ~Hugs, Lyra